Have you ever been bullied as an adult?

MissA I am a small person, obviously older and it was a public place all of which helped my courage. I have had some mini trial runs like in an airport queue when the inevitable business type thought he would push in and I very politely pointed out that he had not noticed there was a queue. Still a work in progress.

Ah, a small person. I would like to have seen that. Were you frightened it might escalate, though? That would be my worry.

MissA I was rather hoping it would escalate and that someone official would intervene but they didn't. I don't think many people would hit a little old lady and if I am wrong please don't disillusion me or I might not have the courage in future!

I'm sure they wouldn't dare!
My mum used to say it was great being old enough to say whatever she wanted to. (As I quickly wheeled her away in her wheelchair!)

Nonnie the HR manager was awful. He knew procedures, but his communication skills were zilch. He had no qualifications to be in HR, but was redeployed there.

Yes, it is strange how the man managed to bring skin colour into the conversation. It just shows how quickly a conversation can turn.

I suffered awful bullying the whole time I was working in the NHS.

I worked in a male dominated environment, and even tho I was an Area Manager, there were a couple of ex forces men, who clearly thought that a woman’s place was in the home ! So I learnt quite early on how to deal with this. Round the board table one morning, one of them said something so condescending, I just turned round and asked him “if it made him feel more of a man trying to put me down in front of others” ? He never did it again !!

I was bullied at work to the point where my union helped negotiate a settlement and I left. My income has been less since but life is so much better.

I'm afraid I would have stood my ground. I'm always told to back off by my daughter's who tell me that one day I'll get into serious trouble, but I still do it. I get so annoyed if I see something or someone doing stuff they shouldn't. I'm almost 69. Bit late now to change methinks.

Better to find another way.

Choose confrontation only when fighting injustice.

I don't think I could have stood my ground with that man. He sounds like he was looking for a fight. He could have pulled a knife on you.

I was bullied through childhood. At school I was caned over a period of three years by three different teachers. Then when I started work in an office i was sexually harassed by my middle aged boss. I was only seventeen. I wish I could have stood up to him. Instead I left and found another job.

Yes on a bus. A young man was sitting in the seat with the wheelchair sticker and taking half of the seat next to him - I have mobility problems and all I said is that I thought a fine young man like himself could sit elsewhere. At which point his mother and sister started swearing at me and berating me for asking him to move, This continued after I got off the bus and the three of them were jostling me. I caught the attention of a passing police officer but in the great tradition of our ‘wonderful’ British police he only talked to them whereupon I was ‘in the wrong’

How upsetting for you, I hope you have been able to settle your adrenalin & blood pressure back to normal by now. It does leave such a nasty taste in the mouth.

If it is any help, I usually find a laugh and totally unexpected comment stops the interchange long enough to getaway without having to listen to a retort

How about, 'Up woman power then we'll take over the world - if men are not able to even be polite!'

You need to make a quick space around you - turn away and ask the children if they can see and what they are expecting, or something equally inane.

Good luck if it happens again.

My husband would have said the same - if that is any comfort.

Well done Nonnie, doesn’t matter who it is you have a right to say what you think, I learnt to stand up for myself because I was bullied at work and school and having lost my son in a dreadful way and bullied in court by her barrister and after by her family, I built up a great resolve. Not that I am rude just put my point over.
Go for it.

Jane and Nonnie, that happened to me, too - EA ringing shortly before exchange to say buyer was demanding a price drop - he was clearly on the buyer's side, not mine - there was certainly some low level intimidation on his part.

I can't say it was easy but had to take the risk and call their bluff. It worked. I was particularly annoyed because right after accepting that buyer's offer I'd received a slightly higher one which I'd turned down, having given my word to buyer no. 1.

My manager tried to bully me and I knew he was trying to get rid of me so I decided to stay and fight. I became the union rep, Health & Safety rep and also a union official. I was on his back the whole time for the way he treated people and thought rules didn’t apply to him. In the end they decided to have a reshuffle and got rid of him, he was lazy, a bully and arrogant. I believe the only way to treat a bully is to stand up to them and would have done exactly the same a Nonnie.

Some years ago I was bullied out of a public-sector job. A new manager was brought in who I think wanted a young person to work for her, not me, and she subjected me to really unpleasant and calculated verbal and psychological bullying. Ironically, a few years later she turned up as prospective parliamentary candidate for a political party who would no doubt describe themselves as in favour of fairness and equality for all - I’m glad to report that as a candidate she was useless. The ironic thing is that a few years later I found myself unexpectedly in a position to relate the tale to an influential member of her party. Ha ha, serve her right!

You were very brave and in view of what you have described this person clearly had and no doubt still has issues concerning race and colour. A sick in the mind individual.
It is unwise to comment with the likes of those who have the issues you have described no matter what you feel and I would have been fuming in the same circumstances.
Rest assured they will eventually meet their match.

Being black does not give him power, and I would have told him so. It can make him feel empowered but it doesn't give him the right to be rude, and I would have told him that also.

Nonnie, you ask whether you should have backed down at all. I think that depends on whether it was a very noticeable, public display which made your grandchildren feel anxious or whether it was low key so they barely noticed. The latter scenario would get a big thumbs up from me but the former would be a no-no. From what you write, it sounds as if you were outwardly calm and firmly assertive rather than shrill and aggressive so if that was the case, well done!

That chap was trumpeting what would be done within his cultural norm - how he was brought up (even if in UK - perhaps informed by parent/s from a different culture?).

Over time, his kind of insistence changes UK culture by default i.e. when people (like your hubby) don't speak up. ' When in Rome do as the Romans do' is steam-rollered over when English politeness is misread as deference ..... to new 'power' - power to/of what?

Thanks for all the support, I don't think the small people were bothered but all the adults around saw what was happening so I didn't feel too threatened. It would be interesting to see what would have happened if the demo hadn't started when it did. Later on a couple of other children gently pushed their way in front of him without asking and he didn't say or do anything. I like to think I was responsible for him not making a fuss about them.

He was being racist and should have been reported - I am sure he would have reported Nonnie if she had called him an arrogant black man. It works both ways.

I was bullied at work by my foreperson I gave up my job as a supervisor I then sorted myself out having had a bereavement had made me vulnerable,I then fought back getting my old job back and the bullyremoved to a lower position in the company .

You go girl - well done Nonnie. Bullying should never be tolerated.