Have you ever been bullied as an adult?

Hard to know how best to handle such an aggressive and unnecessary response.
I only ever felt bullied once at work but did not give in and do what I was being told to do (and which felt wrong to me). For the first time ever I actually went home and had a drink (gin not tea) to recover. These situations don't half get the adrenalin going!

Good for you to stand up to that man, though I don't know if I would have had the nerve. I was bullied at work by a nasty boss some years ago. After that I couldn't wait to retire and it put me off any kind of part time job in retirement.

Nonnie,my reaction would have been exactly the same . The man was being unreasonable and I'm a feisty little bugger at times like that especially where the DGC are concerned.

I felt bullied when we sold our house 30 years ago.
MrA was working away and the day before we were supposed to exchange contracts, the estate agent rang & said the buyer wanted to reduce the price because the house didn’t have mains gas, which they had known from the start. There had been other delaying tactics too.
I told the agent to tell the buyer that if the contracts weren’t exchanged by 5 pm the next day, the house would be back on the market, with a different agent.
I then went and drank 3 whiskies and the next day we exchanged contracts and the move was completed a couple of weeks later.

jane yours is a well known story. I've seen it happen time and time again. They think that you are so close to the sale you will give in. DS was here one day and his vendor was not cooperating. Our neighbour was with us and he said that he told the agent he wasn't buying because of all the hassle and suddenly it all went through. That afternoon DS and I were at a garden centre when his solicitor called to say they couldn't contact the vendor. He flipped and told them he was pulling out, went and put a deposit on a rented flat which he lost because the sale went through straight away. He had also had her buyer try to drop the price at the last minute but had stood firm and it went through. Good for you for standing up to them.

I had a manager who tried to bully and humiliate me, but I saw him off.

He asked me, after a grossly biassed interview for a promotion, whether I considered the interview had been humiliating. I replied that I thought it was an attempt to humiliate. I then spoke to my union rep. and made him go through the hoops. He backed off after that.

I can't remember any times I was bullied at work, though I was very naive and must have been.
One time (1960s) I wanted to persuade someone in authority to make a change for our benefit, and he refused at first. I spoke to my (female) boss about it, and she said, tell him if he doesn't do it, you will do so and so.
Which I did, and it worked. So who was the bully?
I never forgot that lesson, but haven't used it often since.

I was bullied out of my first job when my boss was accused of a misdemeanour by one of his patients.
He denied ever being left alone with the patient, and I, in all truthfulness said in my statement to the police that it was normal for me to leave the room at times, as I had on that day. The boss, his wife, and their long time best friend who also worked there made my life a misery until I left.
I suppose it was constructive dismissal, but I'm not even sure such things were thought of in those days. I loved that job too!

Not me personally but my husband who if you know him would never have thought he could have been bullied. It got so bad he was on the point of committing suicide as he thought he would be in a better place. He had gone through his boss and unions but this person was the company's blue eyed boy and the next in line to be top dog so everything was brushed to one side DH was even told by someone it was all in his head.
As luck would have it I finished work early and came home to my biggest nightmare.

2 years later he is a different person so happy, retired and wondering how he could of let it go that far.

Nanawind I understand how your DH felt. I don't think people want to die in such a situation, I think they just can't see a way of carrying on living. So glad he is OK now.

Nonnie good for you for standing up to him. What an awful experience, I would have been shaking inside. My DH hates that kind of public confrontation too which just annoys me.

When I moved from the public sector to the private sector, my first boss was a bully and I'd never come across that situation before. He constantly belittled me by reminding me of how much more he knew than I did and used it as a reason not to give me work. I was an agency worker at first, but actually I did decide to apply for a new permanent role with a different job description with him still as my manager.

Fortunately I realised that the problem was not me, but his low self esteem. He was a very talented and intelligent man who clearly felt threatened by his colleagues at all levels. He just couldn't help ridiculing people in his condescending manner. For quite a long time I just dealt with him on a professional level, then gradually we became more sociable. He was about 60 and I think he felt threatened by me being younger, but it helped that I was the same age as his eldest daughter.

I worked for him for three years, although it helped that in the permanent job I worked mainly on my own initiative and travelled abroad a lot. As part of a reorganisation, I moved with the other person who started at the same time as me to work for another manager. My old manager was left on his own again. He was by far the worst manager I have ever had. A few weeks later my colleague and I were in the lift with the HR manager who interviewed us for our jobs. He told us we were the only people not to make a complaint about our old manager. Indiscreet I know, but we weren't surprised.

I was once reduced to tears by a much older, part-time male colleague. My boss found out and 'had a word' with him. I don't know what was said, but never had any more bother from him, then he retired.

I was bullied by someone I worked for for 20 years and it almost made me ill standing up to him. Took it as far as I could legally but all I got at the end of it was a handshake. He bullied other people, too, which was what made me so angry [and didn't do his job properly, either]. Someone walked past me at the gym a while back who looked like him and I was really shaken for several hours afterwards. Nonnie; I want to punch that man #letmeatim...

A new boss on a branch visit said to me ‘that he was nice the first time’. to which I replied ‘ and so am I !! ‘ such arrogance needed nipping in the bud !unfortunatly I do realise one can’t always take that chance of standing ones ground for fear of losing ones job, it shouldn’t be that way but sadly it still is.

All of last year a woman in an organisation I am an Executive Officer off tried to bully me.
She had proposed me for the post, seeing me,, but not knowing me.
She saw,,,, a fat, upper middle-aged, disabled person. She disparaged my recent career as a Chef, but I am used to that here.
Big mistake, in fact I have been told I can take legal action against her, I will not.
She is now facing disciplinary action, not from my complaints but for serious actions against other people.
Bullies never win.

Ahh so sorry to read that Felice, but really pleased she got her comupance. Hope you don’t come across this again, best wishes

Sorry Nannie, what am I like ?

Thanks Bridgeit, unfortunately she is not going away, she tried to sabotage an event I organised on Saturday,, no success.
But what do we say to people, that she is trying to undermine all we are trying to do?
That she is no longer in 'control' and we are doing really well without her.
It is a very difficult situation, I have complicated health problems, including 5 mini strokes. I had some problems over the last year and my GP has flagged it up as undue stress and it is now on my medical records.
Don't really know what to do as she has problems is an alchoholic which cost her everything. I just don't know how to help.

felice, Alcoholics have to be left to find their own salvation. Helping, usually only delays their decision to solve their own problems and makes things worse.

I was bullied throughout my childhood and most of my adult life by a variety of people. Sometimes I thought I hade 'victim' tattooed on my forehead. But not anymore. There is a part of me who is really angry all the time and though I keep it buried when anyone tries to bully me it leaps to the surface and I won't back down.

Nurse Training in the '70s was bullying all the way and we took it as part of the job! I was bullied later in my career but did stand up for myself at cost to my further promotion I should think.
In recent years a couple of fellow Trustees have tried to bully me and I have had enough of this after 5 years of their willy waving. As I am 65 this year I have decided to retire from this kind of volunteering and find something more enjoyable.

Wilma I was shaking on the outside! It was all I could do to maintain my dignity but I was determined not to let him get away with it. I suspect if I had been the black one and he the white I would have ended up with the security people. He really was taken aback when I accused him of racism. If it wasn't racism why did he refer to the colour of my skin?

Your HR Manager wasn't doing his job properly, he should have instituted grievance or disciplinary procedures. The trouble is that HR is not usually there for the staff but for the bosses to ensure the company doesn't get into trouble.

felice bullies never win. I'm glad that is your experience it is not mine or that of the many on here who are cut off from their families.

Tegan2 I can just imagine you giving him what for!

You were brave, Nonnie
I'm not sure I'd have been able to stand my ground.