grand children

Daisychain Your GC sounds so like mine. They are seen as a paragon at school. Perfectly behaved, a model pupil. I think the cause of the violence lies in the discrepancy between intellectual and emotional age. Being the youngest doesn't help because the child wants to be able to do all the things that older siblings do, especially if they can see that they are just as bright as older children.

However, it is the parent's responsibility to help the child deal with the frustrations this discrepancy causes and certainly stop any violence towards other people.

I think some parents take a perverse pride in a child who is prepared to defend their space and take on targets bigger than they are. 'at least nobody will bully them'. Unfortunately parents fail to see that such children actually become the bullies as the child sees that violence gets the results they want and once violence is embedded in a child as a tool for getting their own way, it is difficult to eradicate.

It's difficult for you as a grandparent, to say anything to them. But it's worth a try.
We sometimes had a family discussion when one of the children had a problem. He might take notice of his older siblings, they probably have their own views on his behaviour.

It sounds as if he's acting like a spoilt brat because he knows he's clever and thinks he's better than the rest. You're right, it does need nipping in the bud before he does real damage. I hope his parents don't give in when he lashes out. (Personally, it'd be no dinner for my child if he hit me - actions and consequences.)

Deedaa Thats just it no problem at school mad on football
but lashes out at home when things don't go his way.

Trisher yes definitely in anger.

He is the youngest of the family, its quite off putting to visiting, and for me its very sad.

the other children are so lovely and a joy to be with.

not a one off it is happening all the time if anything doesn't go his way.

DD's friend has an autistic son and he has always been violent towards her. He is able to cope with school (more or less) and the school doesn't think he needs extra help, but is awful at home. She doesn't get a lot of help from her husband because this isn't the sort of child he expected to have.

Too little information to decide on this. Is it regular? Is it in anger? How do parents view it? (sometimes they think it is funny) Is there a particular trigger/time/ circumstance? What is his position in the family? (Sometimes younger children are more frustrated) I would need far more info to make a judgement.

No, definitely not. No one should be allowed to lash out at anyone whatever their age.

Definitely not acceptable.
If there are other children in the family who don't do it, why do the parents accept it with this one? Do they just don't know what to do about it?

No it's not acceptable. Even if the child has special needs he has to learn that hitting others is not allowed. A seven year old can cause bruises. Imagine what he'll do at seventeen if he's not stopped.

Happens all the time.

Post just posted itself half way through the sentence....
........and channelling their frustrations into more advantageous routes

Well, mostly we deal with upset and frustration and kicking up a fuss about reasonable demands rather than physical violence and DS and |DDiL parents think that the best way forward is for them to learn to accept that they cannot always do what they want when they want to.

Our DS and DDiL deal with it very sensibly, or at least I think they do, they have a clear framework of behaviour they consider acceptable or unacceptable and they sanction in a non-violent way any behaviour that goes beyond that framework.

I think it is a phase they are going through and as they develop emotionally, so they will understand the advantages of self control and channeling thrie fru

MOnica makes sense. Hopefully he’ll emotionally grow into himself way before he reaches 10/12 years old! Would he listen to you? He needs a coping strategy for when he looses his cool. A punch bag in his room perhaps!?

Was this a one-off, or does it happen often?

yes actually i am the only one worried. I thought i was maybe over reacting on this, but a gut feeling was telling me it should not be happening, nothing is going to change soon as the parents do not see a problem. I am just worried if he will be like this when he is 10 or 12 years of age.

My GS at three was attacking us. I used to have to cover up bruises. He was diagnosed on autistic spectrum. Now he is on medication but still is unpredictable. Heartbreaking. Are you the only one worried?

Whatever the reason or the background, an immediate reaction is necessary. Perhaps the parents and you, and anyone else who is close to the child should agree on a strategy and all react in the same way when he does this.

Only the parents/grandparents etc know what would help in this situation. A stern look, a certain phrase, diverting his attention, holding him firmly - whatever suits.

He could be copying something he has seen, there may be someone treating him like this that he can't tell you about, he may have something that is building up inside him (jealousy of a younger sibling, worries at school), or he may have some condition (something like Tourettes - I'm afraid I have no idea about this kind of thing). As with most things, it needs getting to the bottom of.

Do keep us posted as to what happens, and if it stops.

Daisychain That explains it. We have a GC of the same age with a wide discrepancy between high mental ability and chronological and emotional age. They are also hyper sensitive to sound, light and smell. They just get very frustrated with themselves and throw tantrums. They are certainly not allowed to hurt other people, but a certain latitude is allowed otherwise as we are all aware that they are often more angry and frustrated with themselves than anyone else.

This is a happy home, and the child a boy is clever, very demanding, and the father spoils him in my opinion.
I have never known this kind of behaveior in one so young.

A child will sometimes lash out with frustration being unable to articulate what the upset is. Is sh/he thin skinned and easily upset? Is s/he well behaved at school? Is sh/he the oldest child and being given too much responsibility? Pressure to do well? Is the home overcrowded? Chaotic? Noisy? Are the parents in a happy relationship? Lots of questions to get to the root of the problem. Professional help may be needed. The child’s teacher may be a good starting point.

I agree there could be so many reasons for this, not sure its a case of 'allowing' but more of finding out why.