Falling apart a bit

Thank you so very much to all of you - I know this helped me get through yesterday. My family had worked very hard and were endlessly kind and considerate.

Today there are in fact 13 of us here at our home - but much of the cooking has already been done with cold meats for today.

I will talk to all the girls after today when the celebrations die down. They are always ready to lend their support and I could not wish for better.

But I think it is very hard for someone who has never suffered depression to understand that dreadful sense of ill-being that descends from nowhere and makes everything an effort - I call it the "sinking feeling." It is worse in the mornings so I keep reminding myself that it is likely to improve a bit as the day goes on.

I will see GP at the first available opportunity - I am already ion a small dose of an old-fashioned anti-depressant, and I know it cannot be increased because I have had AF in the past and this could make it worse. I will be seeing OH's consultant on Thursday when he goes for his review. He is off the meds that made his delusions impossible to live with and there has been an improvement; but I still find it hard to live with someone who not only believes that I am seeking affairs with women, but thinks I am doing so via impossible electronic means and by sending out signals when I am driving. It is not like living with my own OH.

From the responses here it is clear that others are going through similar, or have lived with this in the past and I thank you for your insights and send my good wishes to you and wish you the strength to carry on. Life can be very cruel and it makes me sad watching the DGC deal with the huge change in their grandpa.

I hope you all have an enjoyable boxing day and thank you once again for taking the trouble to help prop me up - it really is appreciated and I know it helped me so much.

Good morning Luckygirl, just catching up with gransnet and wanted to send positive greetings. Depression is dire isn't it, as so many others here have confirm in their posts. I hope today goes well and that as you said, you can talk to your daughters once the hectic pace of these few days is over. Have pm'd

Morning Lucky. Enjoy today and let your girls help you - you know they would willingly.

Sounds as if you have great girls
Depression is cruel and managing it is hard, so much easier with kindness
Take care

Hello lucky. You did fabulously well preparing for today. Yes, talk to your girls, your GP and the consultant, different types of help from different places. I wonder, could you consciously remind yourself of what you achieve rather than think about what didn’t go so well? It might help. Look after yourself. Hope you can enjoy being with your lovely family.

Morning Lucky! How was yesterday? I hope you had a restful night ready to meet the day.

Dear Lucky, Is it because of the Parkinson's drugs that your TH has these delusions? Could your neurologist adjust them at all?
So sorry you feel so low. You seem to have an awful lot on your plate to cope with. I wish you all the best!

Thank you for your messages. I did get through yesterday kitty - just kept plodding on. Lots of help from family which was wonderful; and being with the 3 GC I see less of was a lift to the spirits.

Loopy - the drugs are implicated in the problem and a few months ago he gradually tailed off the most likely culprit with, I thought, success. However, out of the blue a couple of weeks ago he started off with the rant again and it became clear that he retains the original delusions, but just doesn't voice the accusations so much now. So that is a plus; but I think it was the knowledge that they have not gone away that brought me down and triggered this low patch. It is hard to live under suspicion all the time. I do know that other posters here suffer with this worse than I do, and I extend my sympathy to them. He is also becoming very physically weak and needs lots of help. And the anxiety that is a known symptom of PD is off the wall at times.

I am going on an outing today with all my children and GC and feel so guilty about doing this - but I so seldom see the GC who live away that I feel the need to grab this opportunity. But I will be worried about him all day - he does not want me to go. A bit of me feels that I know it will be totally impossible soon to leave him unattended and I need to do what I can when I can. But feel bad about it.

I am seeing a GP on Friday morning to look at what my options might be for treating the depression. The hospital have offered a referral for me to the hospice, who run groups for carers - I might consider that, but know that OH will have a fit at the idea of the hospice being involved, even if only with me.

But this morning we have had a dusting of snow - about 2" - and everywhere looks so beautiful, so I will soak that up.

Sending good wishes to all who are struggling as carers.

Have a wonderful day Lucky.

Luckygirl I've only just seen this thread, and I'm sorry that things are even tougher than usual for you. I hope your doctor and your dh's consultant can help in some way.
Depression is a horrible thing so please look after yourself.
Hugs and best wishes, you do a wonderful job

It might go against the grain,*Lucky*, but if the Carer's group helps, lie! You need as much help as you can get and chatting to people in similar circumstances will be really good for you.

Enjoy your day out.

lucky my heart goes out to you, been on antidepressants for twenty years or so, once my brilliant dr worked out what would go with high blood pressure meds and be right for me, I am pretty much ok, it's easier to kick the black dog up the ar.. , I do hope your dr can help, please keep asking for help

Just to update. I have been a bit better the last few days thankfully. I went to the GP and explained that there had been some bad days and that I was concerned that things might go pear-shaped again, as the stress that is triggering it is not about to go away any time soon. He discussed various options and said that if I want to take any of them up I can just ring him - so a really helpful response.

Consultant has made some changes in OH's meds, so hopefully they might make him feel better a bit. We just have to hope that there are no side effects, which have been the bane of our lives.

Thank you for all your support.

Good news, lucky , I’m glad you were able to be honest with your GP, if you need to see him again it’s good he knows the back story. I hope the medication changes help rather than hinder. Here’s hoping for an easier spell for you both. x

We always have to be on the alert for depression to return. So try to do something every day for yourself. Even if it is only taking ten minutes to do some relaxation, mindfulness, yoga etc. Fingers crossed that the med.changes for your D.H. work well.

Glad things are looking better for you Lucky.

Thanks all.

Lucky I've come late to this thread and I'm so sorry to read that you've been so distressed over the Christmas break, worrying about the return of your depression. I'm pleased to see that you managed to get through it and you've come out the other side feeling a little stronger. Sounds like you have a good GP there, very understanding and supportive. Just what you need.
I hope 2018 can be kind to you and your DH