Falling apart a bit

So sorry you are so down Lucky I have felt so under the weather for many days recently but fortunately am not bad today.
I have been in bed for an hour or so as H wanted to go and I have to go at the same time but strangely I have come to terms with the situation.
I am a lot older than you and I reflect that this is my 80th Christmas and things evolve, I wish for you that you find some peace in your life with your H, I know just how hard and depressing it all is.

Will be thinking of you luckygirl. What a bad time you're having. Do hope you get some support soon. Keep going.

Sending you a virtual hug Luckygirl. Perhaps you should share exactly how bad things are with your family and give them a chance to help you.

Luckygirl, this is a stressful time and it's adding to the stress which is with you constantly , that's a hell of a lot to cope with. I wish so much I could help you but can't. Let it flow here, that will ease things a little, better than holding it all in.

Hang on there , two days, I know seems endless but it will,pass . X

Thanks to all - I do appreciate the virtual hand holding. I know that annie and ann have troubles of their own too.

I thought I was going to fall apart this morning - so many people, and 7 noisy DGC (whom I love dearly) and I could not make my brain think in a straight line. I went out for a short walk to try and get it together. I just want to sit in a corner and weep - but this is not going to go away and I have to find some way of keeping going. The children are so excited by Christmas and I do not want to spoil it for them - it is bad enough to have my OH sitting in a corner looking morose. Don't misunderstand me, I feel very sorry for him, but I am losing the strength to cope.

Tomorrow is another day - Christmas Day in fact - and I am sure that if I pace myself I will stay on top.

I am wishing you all a good day - especially of you have your own troubles just now, as I know that many do.

Lucky that must be awful for you!
But, can I talk turkey! Ha ha!

Please tell the family how you are feeling and/or see the gp. If you don't look after yourself, you won't be able to look after Dh!

You know we are all here for you.

luckygirl I am so, so sorry to hear how you feel (feel as if I am also descending into the pit again, having previously been hospitalised for 3 months). Please just aim, I'm sure you do, to get through one day at a time and thank God you have succeeded when you go to bed - and get to your GP when you can. Everyone on GN will be willing you on to a better place.

Thinking of you Lucky

Seven grandchildren? Be kind to yourself please, if possible take a small break , short walk, sit in the loo, just so you can do some relaxed breathing , not a cure for your troubles but will relax you even if just a teeny bit . Take your iPad /iPhone to the loo and come here x

Try the - this will pass, it helps me x

I’m sorry everything is feeling so overwhelming for you. Try to use every means you can, including this forum to help you keep going in the short term luckygirl. Not even a day at a time maybe just a wee bit of a day at a time is the way to go just now. Maybe the family will pick up on how hard things really are over the Christmas period. Either way I think you know something needs to happen to enable you to carry on/feel supported in it all. Thinking of you and sending a virtual arm around the shoulder x

Oh Lucky, my post to you seems doomed. My Ipad is wading through treacle, and keeps stopping and starting, and the page re-loading, so I lose all I have written. Are your guests the sort that can muck in and help on Boxing Day? With how you are feeling, you shouldn't have to shoulder such a big party. Please take yourself to the Dr and let them know how you are really feeling, cry on his/her shoulder, that usually wakes them up a bit. Thinking of you and wishing you strength to cope over this weekend. {{{hugs}}}

It’s perfectly reasonable to want to escape from the noise, even noise made by those we love dearly. I agree with others, talk to your GP as soon as you can, spread the Christmas workload as much as you can, most family members are happy to help but need prompting. Take time as you need it, you aren’t a machine but remember even they need downtime. I’m with annie and can be heard muttering ‘and this too will pass* when it’s all too much. Sending you hugs lucky and wishing you a peaceful night.

Lucky sometimes life is just so hard! You will get through tomorrow and most likely you'll look back and wonder how on earth you did it, but when it's over maybe take a trip to your GP. (((hugs)))

Lucky, take care of yourself and, somehow, please let it be known to your wider family that you need taking care of x

Nothing I can add but thinking of you and everyone who is going through a hard time
I have to break everything down into bitesized pieces and mentally tick them off No way to live really but it does get you through difficult days
Good luck there will be light ahead

Lucky girl, a few years ago I suffered severe depression due to my inability to cope with a very sick husband, I was hospitalised for two months. Do get help ASAP, unfortunately I didn't at the time. Am now in a better place, nothing has changed, but somehow am able to manage much better, I had/have good support for which I am grateful, don't suffer in silence. I wish you and other depressive sufferers a peaceful and healthy New Year.

Dear Lucky I was sad to read of your distress in the midst of all the festive mayhem. Your family surely need to know that you are almost at the end of your rope - you have to tell them and get practical help for looking after such a big group but more importantly, as everyone has said seek medical assistance for yourself. You are not superwoman!

I send you warmest and kindest wishes in the hope that you can at least have a nugget or two of pleasure in your DGC's excitement today. Please do ask your family to help you.

This is not a good time for depressives! Ask your family for help. Try to take some me time. Longer term it does sound as if u need some regular help to cope with D.H. I find writing things down helps. Good luck.

Morning Lucky. Try to enjoy today and tomorrow and remember we are all standing right behind you - hope it's a big house!

I am so sorry to hear how overwhelmed you are.
Please tell you family how you are feeling.
I never ask for help no matter how high my pain levels are, I'm so independent. However, yesterday for the first time in 40 years, I asked my husband for help with the Christmas preparations. I realised I did not have the strength, nor stamina to do what was needed.
He was surprised, as I insist on doing everything myself. He did step up to the mark, realising that if I asked, I must be really struggling. Sometimes, we need to tell our family how we are feeling. I used to get really resentful that no-one noticed I was unwell. They aren't mind readers, even if we think they are. I hope today is a better day for you.

Also sending virtual hugs to all those feeling sad and down. Things are much harder when people about you are happy and you can’t get into that same mode.

Good morning Lucky, good luck with the day. Thinking of you.

So sorry you are feeling overwhelmed Luckygirl don't try to do it all yourself ask for help. Share a little with your family they will want to help you.
Hope the day goes as well as it can, try to find time to talk and relax with your family.

Happy Christmas to everyone, and huge thanks for the supportive messages - they are very much appreciated.

I should explain that the huge party of people is at my DDs who lives close by; the day that I am hosting here is tomorrow, and is only 11 as opposed to the 15 over there. But I found it very hard over there with so much noise, as I am so fragile just now and I need to try and find a way of sorting it somehow.

My fear is that the depressions will return. It dropped on me from out of the blue as a reaction to surgery; and I still take a small dose of anti-depressant to keep me ticking along. I will talk to GP about the return of the symptoms (just an overwhelming sense of ill-being that makes every moment a challenge) and we are due to see OH's consultant this week and I will make sure that they know that my role in this situation is becoming harder to deal with. On the surface I manage, but then suddenly plummet in mood. As others in this situation will no doubt agree, the pain is not just in the illness itself, but in the "loss" of one's life's partner - the person who would normally be by your side in difficult times is gone.

I am sure I will cope with today - I will pace myself and take myself off outside when it gets too much.

My family are lovely but above all else I want them to enjoy their lives without having to worry about me or their Dad.

Enough of this.........I wish you all a very happy day and hope that you are able to enjoy yourselves, whether ion your own or with family. x