Falling apart a bit

My heart goes out to you Luckygirl and to you Skweekl (please don't stop taking you Insulin). Its all exacerbated bu Christmas isn't it, and all the lead up, hype and expectations. Its Boxing Day morning in NZ and I'm going to blob out with a magazine since I don't seem to have any demands made of me today! I sent the OH to walk the dog as he was looking out the window and saying 'miserable day out there'. this when we haven't had any rain since November and the drought has suddenly broken a bit. he has been assessed for respite care 28 days a year so I can get away,, maybe you could try the same thing if you have it in UK. Tell your family all about it. big hugs

Luckygirl

I remember how very poorly you felt last time, so it is understandable that you fear the return. Last time it came, as you say, out of the blue. However, this time you are recognising it early, which is a good sign. So glad you will discuss this with the GP, and hope you feel able to talk about your feelings, in some measure, to your family. Allow yourself to be cared for, as you care for them.

Hope today is manageable, and good wishes for tomorrow. x

I am struggling a bit today too but hanging on to the fact that we have a quiet day tomorrow before it all starts to rev up for the Hogmany/New Year Party and Dinner. We have had 7 here for Brunch and Present Opening (Mayhem) DH has gone back to bed for a couple of hours while I tidy up and prepare the starters and desserts ready to take to DD1 for Christmas Dinner at her house.

It suddenly occurred to me that neither of my Grannies every prepared a Chrismas or New Year Dinner. That was always my Mum's job (although she worked right up to Christmas Eve)From the 1st year I was married (aged 19) and I was also working full time and twice heavily pregnant, I did 2 full dinners one for the IN-laws and Maiden Aunt at lunchtime; the other for my parents and maiden aunt in the evening (they did not 'mix'). So why am I, now the granny in my 70's, with an ill DH who is more hindrance than help - (BTW he also is convinced I am having multiple affairs, though where and when I don't know as I am seldom out of his sight) - why am I still the lynch-pin of the Christmas festivities, still shopping and baking and cooking and providing a taxi service for those who have been drinking at parties and fetching the dinner service and decorations from the loft on a shoogly ladder?

Surely it is my (our) turn to be pampered, chauffeured about with a travelling rug over our knees, and to be told to sit still when we make a feeble offer to do the dishes. Is it our own fault for making a massive effort to pretend that we are still as young and capable as ever?

So sorry that things are so down - seems to be endemic this year. I'm doing everything to keep afloat, but ready to just stop taking my insulin and get taken to hospital so don't have to cope any more. DH, DS and MIL all threatening to have a nervous break down and I'm just at my wit's end. Everything going wronger than ever and, needless to say it's my fault. Everyone, cheer up - enjoy the rest of today (tomorrow is another day and we can all plan for a better new year!) Blessed be! xxx

If OH is having such delusions, might it not be a sign he needs his medication adjusting?

Luckylegs my heart goes out to you. Can I ask you, please don't be stoic....... depression lurks behind an attitude of "grin and bear it" until it can't hide any more, and then the wheels fall off. Remember the oxygen mask on the airplane - put your own on first.
Even in the midst of the Christmas celebrations, I hope you can ask someone to sit with your OH, or set the table, or stir the gravy, while you take a walk, for instance. And after this time is over - can you investigate Respite Care facilities in your area? Virtual Hugs.

Can't say anything what asn,t been said can only send hugs to you all who are under such stress ?Ask for help and take care of yourselves

I'm in the same position, Luckylegs, as you know. The delusions and paranoia are generally about me, too. The current ones are about money, and me seeing other men. His anger over this is so great that I have been slapped, and am threatened on a daily basis now. He has no inhibition now, so uses terrible language, no matter who is around, something he would never have done. His real personality has gone for good, sadly. I'm expecting DD2 and family for a meal later, and I'm on tenterhooks. As you say, nobody really knows how awful life is. I have no words of wisdom, but I think that like me, you are strong. I keep telling myself, ' I can do it', and I get on with it, trying not to dwell on what life 'should' be like. I also remind myself that worse things happen to people. Thinking of you today, Luckylegs.

Luckygirl

Hope you are coping today.

So much going on for you it sounds really exhausting.

Good Luck

Interesting post from radical nan. D.S. (here cooking the turkey) tells me that stress anxiety and depression can be linked to the gut and bowel. So probiotics could well help. (His colonorectal surgeon told him we have a second brain in our gut). So I have learnt something today!

Hi Luckygirl ! sorry to hear about your depression and the OH PD ...mind has PD too ..it is SO difficult isn't it !!! He is sitting, as usual, in the conservatory staring at the tele ....I am in my office as you can see playing about on the computer ! We will see no one (rural France, where veryone celebrated on Christmas Eve as is tradition, so it is very quiet, apart from the paper shop and bread shop being open ...I went just for a five minutes break !)......There
It will be good for you to have your family round ...try to take your mind off things and enjoy this time ....I know how it is ...my husband has a daughter who is 54, but not married ...she did, unusually, telephone yesterday which was nice, but she has her own busy life and is off to friends for Christmas......she has no idea what it is like having to care for someone with PD ...not many people do ...you probably find they say 'Oh, that's the disease where hands shake' ....ha ha if only ! I will not see anything of my OH except to go and see if he is ok, if he wants a drink, if he wants lunch (he has already told me he doesn't) ...I will cook the Christmas dinner ...he will eat it or not, with me, or not ....nothing is certain ....then he will go to bed at 8,30 but I have the tele and the cat !! I keep sane by communicating with lots of English speaking people all over the world who are carers for someone with PD ...its a marvellous way of venting your feelings ...sad, angry happy, etc ...we are all totally non judgmental and everyone can say exactly what they feel .....you should join an online forum somewhere !!

Meanwhile I hope your day goes well ....the grandchidren might help for a while ......all the best it can be x

Oh luckygirl how difficult for you. Sending big virtual ((((hugs)))) . What a nasty disease PD is. Have you spoken to your children about how hard this is for you or do you feel if you let go about it you cannot "put it back in the bottle," if you see what I mean. xxx

Luckygirl your family will be upset if you don't ask them to support you, we are there in good times and bad ones for each other. Let them have today then tell them how you feel at least in part.

Depression is a stalker, I suffer myself. I have heard that people get some support from pro biotics, might be worth a try.

Being depressed in the face of truly depressing circumstances is human, please share your worries with the people who love you, they would want that.

Luckygirl
Fire away, as I sit here on my lonesome in my nice warm home in front of the tv with my large latte, saying but its ok for you if you are fortunate not to suffer from depression.True, but my life is not without its problems but I ask how can you subject yourself to hosting a 11 person get together when you feel so low.
If it were possible I would transport you to my home where for a few hours you could escape from your responsibilities. Do seek help from your GP before it gets any worse.

I haven't had time to read all the posts but I hope this morning feels a little better. Make it a priority to speak to a Dr about your mental health the moment the surgery opens up so you can stave off serious depression before it knocks you completely sideways which will be much harder to resolve the bigger the black dog. It sounds like your husband needs medication or a medication adjustment to be able to cope, maybe he should be at the surgery first thing too. Maybe speak to MIND too to see if you are getting all the support you need.

Luckygirl, your family will be devastated if you are taken ill and may even have to be hospitalised like a previous poster, and they then find out that you chose not to ask for help.
Of course they like having few worries but I'm sure they would want to help you if they could.

Naturally you want to get through Xmas without saying anything, but could you ask for some help with the preparation and hosting of the party?

Thinking of you

Oh Lucky, I do understand a little of what you are going through. My husband hadPD and his delusions made him convinced I was having an affair, which was awful. He had terrible nightmares too and I was always so tired I couldn’t think straight. Do tell his consultant and maybe you have a PD nurse too. I rang the consultant once before his appointment and that gave him some insight into what to ask my husband. It didn’t really help but at least we tried! He died 3 years ago tomorrow. Sad times for many of us at this time of year but what a lift a happy grandchild is. Happy Christmas to everyone.

Happy Christmas to everyone, and huge thanks for the supportive messages - they are very much appreciated.

I should explain that the huge party of people is at my DDs who lives close by; the day that I am hosting here is tomorrow, and is only 11 as opposed to the 15 over there. But I found it very hard over there with so much noise, as I am so fragile just now and I need to try and find a way of sorting it somehow.

My fear is that the depressions will return. It dropped on me from out of the blue as a reaction to surgery; and I still take a small dose of anti-depressant to keep me ticking along. I will talk to GP about the return of the symptoms (just an overwhelming sense of ill-being that makes every moment a challenge) and we are due to see OH's consultant this week and I will make sure that they know that my role in this situation is becoming harder to deal with. On the surface I manage, but then suddenly plummet in mood. As others in this situation will no doubt agree, the pain is not just in the illness itself, but in the "loss" of one's life's partner - the person who would normally be by your side in difficult times is gone.

I am sure I will cope with today - I will pace myself and take myself off outside when it gets too much.

My family are lovely but above all else I want them to enjoy their lives without having to worry about me or their Dad.

Enough of this.........I wish you all a very happy day and hope that you are able to enjoy yourselves, whether ion your own or with family. x

So sorry you are feeling overwhelmed Luckygirl don't try to do it all yourself ask for help. Share a little with your family they will want to help you.
Hope the day goes as well as it can, try to find time to talk and relax with your family.

Good morning Lucky, good luck with the day. Thinking of you.

Also sending virtual hugs to all those feeling sad and down. Things are much harder when people about you are happy and you can’t get into that same mode.

I am so sorry to hear how overwhelmed you are.
Please tell you family how you are feeling.
I never ask for help no matter how high my pain levels are, I'm so independent. However, yesterday for the first time in 40 years, I asked my husband for help with the Christmas preparations. I realised I did not have the strength, nor stamina to do what was needed.
He was surprised, as I insist on doing everything myself. He did step up to the mark, realising that if I asked, I must be really struggling. Sometimes, we need to tell our family how we are feeling. I used to get really resentful that no-one noticed I was unwell. They aren't mind readers, even if we think they are. I hope today is a better day for you.

Morning Lucky. Try to enjoy today and tomorrow and remember we are all standing right behind you - hope it's a big house!