Bench or Headstone

If anyone wants to erect a memorial bench for me I hope it's overlooking the sea somewhere.

The thing about headstones is that they can be very useful when researching family history!

Well!!! I thought this would be a nice pleasant thread to muse on. there are some lovely ideas here but some really unpleasant comments - you cant stop yourself can you? You know who you are!

Can i have my ashes planted in my back garden with a tree planted over me?

Then again i fancy a woodland burial with a wicker coffin ....

emmm choices choices...

I am having a green burial and you can buy a tree which will be planted in a copse next to the burial field, with an optional plaque on it, which I will not bother with. I have no family in the area so my name will be meaningless to everyone. No memorials are allowed on the actual burial sire because the hay is cut regularly. A peaceful spot in a country village, off the beaten track.

Oh and Jalimal108.... ' seeking attention after they've died'.... seek help!

I would have a bench ...but in my local park... it's nothing extraordinary but it's where I pushed my kids and grandkids on the swings ...watched them tumble of the slide... get dizzy on the round-about... ate our picnic lunches... met their/my friends... gossiped while the kids enjoyed themselves. Yes, that's where I'd put my bench. Watching all the next generation make all the same mistakes with all the same tears and laughter!

Emotional baggage; attention seeking.
Odd, isn't it djen, to think that someone is seeking attention after they have died

when I am gone I want to be free of this life and other people and their memories cluttering the bloody place up.
sorry, but I am a bit here radicalnan

When you're gone you will be free of this life, other people and any benches as they will be left on Planet Earth and you will be elsewhere, presumably scattered around or whatever you decide you want done with your remains.

Mine would be near the coastal path at Crawfordsburn, Northern Ireland. My friend and I used to walk about 5 miles there every week. I wouldn't be up to it now, but my friend still does it. She's five years older than me. How did that happen?

I'm another one who always says hello to those remembered on memorial benches if I use them.
I hadn't really thought about where I want my ashes scattered until I saw the thread Teetime but rather fancy being flung from the top of Kisdon in the next (Swale) dale up from you!
I'd better let my family know they're in for a bit of a hike when the time comes!

My dad has a headstone but we also planted daffodils in his name on the daffodil walk at Grasmere.We usually take my mum up there to see them in the spring,they spent a lot of happy holidays in the Lake District.

The plaques on benches are usually quite moderate to small. Why read them if you find them ‘mawkish’ you could just walk in by, and of course not use the bench,

Ashes cast upon the River Severn, near where we live and where have enjoyed many a ramble along its banks. But not just yet.

Attention seeking, eh? What a sad idea.

These benches are quite expensive, and in Beamish they have a limit to the number they have.
The reason we chose one there for my husband was because it was the last place he was out under his own steam with the whole family before he died of brain cancer.
It was in October and very cold, and he started to shiver and could not walk any further. We had to ask the staff for help to get him back to the car park. If there had been an empty bench he could have sat on it. As it was he had to stand and hold himself up by the lamppost.

I am sure we never thought of it as attention seeking, but more the fact that there are many older people who go to Beamish and need to sit down at times, as it takes a lot of walking or getting on and off buses or trams.

His seat is in a picnic area and is used by other families, who are grateful for it as well.
Emotional baggage; attention seeking. Good heavens, what a strange life you lead, radicalnan, if that's what you think.

I like to read the inscriptions on benches when I am out and about and therefore give a passing thought to the person the bench is dedicated to. I would also be happy to take a seat because, as already said, that is what they are there for.
I find the thought of being in a grave yard and reading the headstones a whole lot sadder

For me, no bench and definitely no headstone. I remember people without the need for either and I hope that will be true for my family and friends.

I find the mawkish plaques on benches depressing. Why should my walk be beset with other peple's attention seeking, when I am gone I want to be free of this life and other people and their memories cluttering the bloody place up.

We need more benches everywhere but really all this sentimental stuff just intrudes. Life is for the living and the dead should be remembered by those who loved them, and not litter the countryside and beauty spots with their emotional baggage. Dedicated beds and day rooms in hospices etc are the same..........like the dead looking over your shoulder , let them go, it is the transitory, anonymous nature of life that makes it so precious. We stand on the shoulders of giants, that knowledge should be enough.

Well one thing I learned today from reading these posts was that I never heard the words disabiliist or disabilism before.Made me search the dictionary to learn their meaning.And now I know.

Neither, once i'm gone, i'm gone

I've told my family I like the idea of a memorial bench for me in my local park. Ive walked in there several times a week since moving to the area, and more so since getting a dog in April.
I really like looking at the benches, and think its a really lovely idea that other people get the pleasure of your donation. Also a lovely place for family to sit and remember you. The spot I have in mind has a little cafe, and a bowling green and is a lovely sunny spot.

Benches are one thing but I have noticed many families add bunches of flowers etc. turning the benches into memorials which should not be allowed. In our local walled garden it is getting beyond a joke.

I think benches are nice but en masse maybe a step too much I remember walking somewhere down in Cornwell and there were loads to all young surfers who d lost their lives I felt quite sad as I was walking along reading them They are very expensive I think
I think trees are a better idea
I guess I ll have a headstone
I can’t believe someone said they asked people to move off ‘their’ bench that’s naughty once it’s given to the public it’s not yours to ask Maybe that was tongue in cheek

That’s a bit harsh grannyticktock - after all if the family have paid for the bench and its installation, then please alllow them their little tokens of remembrance of those odd special days. Sad that it offends you but remember they are only expressing their sorrow.

Hadn’t ever thought of this before your OP Teetime. Our loved ones are scattered (literally) far and wide so of the two ideas I would opt for a bench. Somewhere where both Corfe Castle and the station can be seen, it is the most beautiful place. Don’t even feel the need for a bench, would be content flung on the hillside nearby.

We don’t expect any sort of memorial, certainly not one that requires upkeep. We’ve nominated a spot for our ashes to be scattered if our family finds it possible, otherwise a location of their choosing. No grave to be tended. If funds allow we’d like a donation made to a local organisation of our choice. If that happens there will be a small acknowledgement by the organisation but that isn’t important. Our family can choose to remember in their own way. There are many memorial benches near here, they are at the back of a promenade and so do not spoil the view which is in front of them. I’m comfortable with them and always say a quiet thank you to the people and their families when I need to sit down. The cemetery where my parents have a headstone is in a different town, it’s full. Mr C’s parents’ headstone is in a town even further away. We visit when we can but also remember them where we are, a shrub in our garden is dedicated to all family and they are in our hearts.