What would you do?

I really hope this is now to be resolved and I am pleased that you now know the situation was known to the family.
You were only reinforcing it.

Family discussions on subject. General agreement that serious abuse impossible for various practical reasons - but that something is amiss, and that awareness has been there for some time, although not so vehemently expressed. I am glad that I alerted family to this and hope that there will be a solution and that I can somehow play my part in this.

You were right to tell them. Mum can have a chat and find out why - could be she did something and got a row but she could have been hit, sworn at or worse and best to know.

You are quite right, you would not forgive yourself if this really is a serious issue and you had not mentioned it.

Email sent. I hope that it does not cause trouble; but there really was nothing else to be done I feel. DGC has never said anyone else was "horrid" in my presence before, so not to be ignored.

That is absolutely the case.
I would rather be IN the wrong by speaking out than be wrong by not doing so.

Please, please tell the child's parents about this. May be nothing but you must tell them.

A far as I know DGC has never expressed a wish not to go there - but this has only happened in the last few days and DC is not due to go there again till end of week.

I have decided that I will send an email to parents as it is virtually impossible to hold a quiet conversation with them, as the children are always there when I am and I do not want to mention it in front of them.

In the end I decided that, when they are so small, they only have the adults who love them to defend their interests and that this takes precedence over everything else.

Your DGC comes before any hurt feelings speak to your son/daughter may be your DGC cannot express what he means or to scared. If its making him/her upset and not wanting to go they need support or help.

I would tread very carefully indeed, but I would be gently fishing for any clue at all about this man, his relationship with my grandchild, and with the other granny.. I couldn't let it rest.

I think you have to say something to your daughter. As WW says, he could be being particularly horrid to the other granny if not to the children.

Thanks for this. I was very careful indeed what I said to DGC - not really quizzing and keeping it light-hearted. A difficult balance to strike!

Agree with Bluegal.

It is a difficult one. I would have a care to make sure I didn’t fall out with the little lad’s parents. Having said that I think would worry if I didn’t say anything. On balance think I might mention it, but lightly, something along the lines of ‘I wonder what he says about us?’ I don’t envy you this one, luckygirl. Wishing you a positive outcome.

Its a toughie as kids don't like being told off. My niece, when she was young like yours, thought my DF was a horrible, grumpy man and often said so! He was just old school - strict and children should do as they're told type of thing.

Do you have a great relationship with your daughter/son (who is child's parent?) Agree with previous poster though, I WOULD have to mention it but hopefully in a way that wouldn't come across as outright accusations, just lightly "DGD doesn't seem to like X much does she?" They will then ask you what you mean and you can relay what she said.

It is then up to them to keep an eye on things and if it were my GD I would be gently quizzing her also as you really can't be too careful and children should not be ignored.

Just be careful you don't put ideas into her head though, something along the lines of "What did you do at Grannie's yesterday? Was it fun? Did you read Was X there? Did you read to him? Just see what the responses are.

I take your point, and thanks for your reply. I guess that it could be something as minor as "horrid man" being a bit ratty with DGC; but it could be more of course. If this was a nice man whom we knew well and a difficult stroppy child, then it would put a different perspective on it. In fact we know that this man is not very pleasant, and also that the DGC in question is astoundingly good-natured and easy-going and not in the least difficult to handle.

I am in a real quandary.

I would mention it to childs parents. I think you have a duty to do so. Imagine if you don’t and then the horrid man turns out to be really horrid!! It may be nothing and simply something little one got peeved about but it needs to be noted for sure imo