Feeling a bit unsettled

Personally I would not escalate it at this time. Falling out can lead to misery and you don't feel threatened. I would put up some net curtains and be done with it. Don't give it another thought and you can take them down when the scaffolding is removed. He is probably bored, but any further comments should be put firmly in their place.

Agree with others that this is beyond neighbourly interest. This is intrusive/stalking /creepy/ bullying behaviour and its not OK. Maybe turn the tables and get an old movie camera or fake CCTV or security camera (you can buy them very cheaply online) and position it in your window so he can see it. He will never know whether his behaviour is being filmed or not. If any comments are made just say your family were concerned about your welfare. Don't involve his wife, as others have, said she is most likely to get defensive. Call his bluff with a smile and confidence.

It might be a little over the top to complain to his wife - and it is more likely that he is simply over-familitar rather than a stalker. Perhaps if you ask her when the scaffolding will be coming down "because you feel a little overlooked"? That way it could be the builders you are worried about, assuming that he isn't doing the work himself.

I bought a pretty voile scarf yesterday. I was thinking that pinning something like that across the window would give privacy and would be easily taken down. We have a neighbour who always seems to be around every time we go out through the back door. We joke he is hiding behind the fence and jumps up when our door opens. Last week hubby went out in his dressing gown at 6 am to put the bins out. Believe it or not the neighbour popped up! We think he's lonely since early retirement.

Sorry "over-familiar"

Speak to both of them and ask how long the scaffolding will be in place. Do you know what the problem is that needs the scaffolding ? Is it a problem you may expect to have with your own property?

Let them know how uncomfortable you feel being so overlooked to the point you are looking at getting blinds. If you do not get anywhere follow through and get blinds. You will be sending a message to them.

You have tried the light hearted approach and it hasn't worked. He may think you are ok with it.

It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but they need to understand how unhappy you are. Alternatively you could write a letter to them if you don't feel able to speak to them.

You don't know what the wife's attitude maybe and you won't know until you have communicated with her.

I suggest you keep a copy of any correspondence and keep a log of incidents in case you need to escalate the matter with the police. You could phone the police and ask for advice at this point.

Alternatively you could give him merry hell and rude gestures every time you catch him peeping. Tell him where to go in no uncertain terms. They may never speak to you again but that could be a good thing! :-)

These lightweight stick on temporary blinds may help - we used them before we knew what we wanted at the windows when we moved house. www.blindsinabox.co.uk

I had neighbours who thought it was ok to wave at me when I was lounging on the sofa in my pyjamas watching tv. Not only the neighbours but their visitors! (There was a path round the side of their house). They had a 'it's only us' attitude.

We had a wall built, they didn't like it but they adjusted to it and we remained friends.

I dislike nets but prefer them to privacy film and have them at the front.
At the back I have vertical blinds which I draw right back for light. A neighbour whose house overlooks mine made a comment once 'I can see the doll's house' and I was very irritated. I get on fine with her in a casual way, always stop for a chat. I was surprised how intrusive I found her comment, I feel that one just doesn't remark on what can be seen through a neighbour's windows!
I guess I am being a little unreasonable!

B&Q and other places sell a film that just does onto the glass and make window obscure.comes off easily too.

People are so lacking in good manners at times.

Personally I would wait till he makes another comment, then I would just say “ you are making me feel uncomfortable in my own home, can you please stop”. Offend or please, this is not acceptable behaviour. Some people respond to subtle, but if that does not work bluntness will !

I wouldn't say anything to either him or his wife....that only creates bad blood and things can escalate.

You can quietly put up blinds, curtains or whatever works to ensure your privacy, at least until the scaffolding is removed. If the stalking/uncomfortable comments and the scaffolding continue, you could file a formal complaint with the local police so there is something on record.

He's probably harmless, but it's always a good idea to have adequate security in your house. A good watch dog can also be a good companion.

Sorry all you wonderful polite ladies, but I would put up a very large sign in my window telling him to off. Seriously.

Well meaning others are not the victim. It is you. You are being stalked. What is he doing that you are not aware. He is a Peeping Tom and a Stalker. Take it seriously. Some women haven't and it has cost them their lives.

It's not so much stalking but kind of borders (or is on the edges) of voyeurism, although usually associated with nakedness and sexual acts. Certainly is could be viewed as sexual harassment, intimidation, even bullying especially when you have to resort to using a room out of his view. This is your home you must deal with it.

Oldwoman70 please look up What is Stalking . Why are so many women thinking that we have to "deal" with a neighbour's criminal behaviour by hiding ourselves or resorting to challenging the suspect. Do we lead such sheltered lives that we are unaware of danger. My stalker even entered my house without my knowledge and don't think it couldn't happen to you. I am a streetwise independent professional woman. These men are sick and crafty. He will have been watching you while you are unaware many times. Their wives have a lot to lose if they are found out and will protect their husbands. Keep safe.

Firstly please believe that this is not your problem. You have not changed your behavior (and should not have to) in any way.

Second, it is at the very least inappropriate behaviour and possibly verging on illegal. I can understand that you do not want to escalate things but you should be keeping a diary of the incidents you have mentioned to us and any others you have noticed. This will feel weird because you are someone who tries to behave well towards your neighbours but he is not and you are just noting each and every one of these inappropriate acts - that is what they are.

If you ever feel in danger from this man (rather than uncomfortable) ring the police on 999.

I wonder if you could ring the police (not the emergency number) and ask if there is someone you could talk to who could give you advice on how to deal with this. Sometimes just knowing you have useful tools to deal with a situation makes it feel less harassed.

OldWoman you are not that much older than your neighbour but in any case it is not unusual for there to be a fixation on older women who are seen as more vulnerable and therefore easier prey.
Find out what work is being carried out, if any, and for how much longer you should expect the scaffolding to remain around their house. Certainly distance yourself from your neighbours and use vertical blinds, which can be angled appropriately so that the neighbour cannot see in, and not leave you feeling closed off. Diarise all instances of creepy behaviour and make sure that family, other neighbours and friends are aware of your concerns. Are there any other neighbours who may be affected by this man? If so then you do need to speak to the police about it. Better safe than sorry!

I have similar sort of goings on at my house. I am a disabled pensioner living alone. The neighbour is a couple of years younger and has a wife.
I have contacted police asking them to put a stop to it but they would not even accept it is inappropriate behaviour.
I have spoken to a Stalking organisation and they have contacted Police for an enquiry into why they, police, are not stopping this. More officers out but still no acceptance of the situation.
It is constant and horrible. I dont know what these people think they are going to achieve. It is hardly an endearing quality. There is no way any decent woman would take up with the married neighbour especially one who stares.

Net curtains are cheap and will make you feel more secure. I live alone and had to deal with this too. It is important to feel safe and private in your own home.
Some people, your neighbour included, think they can treat women on their own just as they please. Not a lot you can do about him apart from, as you say, speak to his wife.
You sound as though you have an active social life so mention this to your friends who will remind you that it's him not you !

It's not about 'taking up with' SPF, it's about power.

It is stalking and once it starts it usually escalates. If he makes any more personal comments directly to you tell him they are not welcomed and you feel intimidated by them. Then speak to the local community officer. Men who do this are into showing their power over women and he probably convinces himself he is admired by you. You have a human right to privacy in your home and with friends/family. He's clearly enjoying the effect he has on you. Maybe the community officer can ask him about why the scaffolding is up for so long.

I have had to put up voile panels at large windows in my house because of a nosy neighbour. When he moved in he clipped the hedge between our house to waist height, denying me privacy. He is chatty but it's always his agenda. I started to dread going out to hang out washing if he was in his garden - he seems to live out there - because he would always make a comment or want to make some alteration to his house, garden or the side entrance which would affect me or involve me having to fork out a half share for the work he though would be in my interest as well as his.

He could peer over the hedge into my house and at the front he parks his car as near to my drive as possible. He also comments on my coming and going, visitors cars parked on my drive and my viewing and waking habits. I turn in late but he says when he sees me that he knows my lights are on late at night. How - unless he is going outside to check?

I find it all very creepy. I feel as if I am under surveillance sometimes. He means to be neighbourly, I am sure but I feel he encroaches on my privacy, both when I am outdoors and indoors. It's horrible. I smile when I see him. I don't want to fall out or create an atmosphere but I wish he would back off. I value my privacy.

His wife is the opposite. Very stand-offish and speaks to none of the neighbours.

GracesGran - You mean that the neighbour is trying to exert power over me rather than using this carry on as his chat up line? Was not quite sure what you mean but thanks for reply

He is bang out of order and needs to be dealt with ! I'd initially go with gmelon suggestion of making comment to wife ,but I'd certainly not be spending money on net curtains or anything else like moving furniture , this is his issue not yours and he needs to be sorted ......# me too