Feeling a bit unsettled

Lots of good advice given. But do get your key back or change the lock.

Oldwoman I am really pleased to hear that the contractors are starting on Monday and I do hope that they are fast and good workers so that all will be back to normal as soon as possible. Given the experience you have just had though I would keep vigilant and be observant for your own protection, you can't be too careful!

Another one who hates the dreaded `nets` but in this case I would put some up until the scaffolding is down ! He sounds very creepy to me , let it drop to the wife next time you see her .

I think the easiest solution is to put film on the windows. At least while the scaffolding is up, and then when that comes down you can take it off.
Putting up nets involves curtain rails etc, although you could jut use the little screw in hooks and wire.
If this man is starting to voyeur he can look elsewhere.
If you talk to the neighbours they might see it as an accusation and an unjustified one.
This might cause a lot of bad feeling.

I think the poster missed a good opportunity when the wife said she was shocked at how little privacy she had. Apart from saying she had seen the man on the scaffolding, she should have said (jokingly) that he had told her he admired her dresing gown. This would not have seemed like a complaint so his wife could hardly defend him when the poster didn't say she felt threatened. However, you can bet she would have had quite a few stern words with him.

I don't think it is always a good idea to let people know that you feel threatened, or even uncomfortable, in situations like this, as it gives the other person a degree of power.

If it was me in your position, I would have to confront him directly. I am a forthright person, and have no qualms in telling someone if they're overstepping the mark.

Just say you don't appreciate his comments and tell him to stop watching you, otherwise there may well be consequences.

Day6 interesting that your neighbour mentions your lights. I remember a Professor of criminal psychology saying that some stalkers focus on women's bathroom windows because they want to know toilet habits and times. That is why they watch lights going on and off in bathrooms. If you have caught some one watching you inappropriately you can bet he is watching when you think you are alone and safe. Believe me, I have got the t shirt.

How uncomfortable for you. For him to comment on your dressing gown is inappropriate. As suggested I'd get net curtains, you can get plain ones which don't look frumpy at all. They're better on the security front too as people can't tell if you're in or not.

That sounds great OldWoman. Still worth noting anything if it happens again but I wonder if he realised he had upset you and his wife had come over to check if you were okay? We can only hope and that the work is completed quickly. At least you had the chance to say how you felt and that is empowering.

Frankly, I don't see why you should have to go to the trouble and expensive of putting up net curtains you don't want, or film on your windows.

In your place I would either tackle your neighbour and his wife together about this behaviour, or speak to her alone about it. Ask when the scaffolding is coming down too.

If you don't feel comfortable asking him to behave himself, or even just pointing out to him that you don't care to have him spying on you in your own home, which is what this feels like, have you a preferably male relative who could tell him politely that his behaviour is upsetting you?

Otherwise go to the police and tell them calmly but very clearly how uncomfortable your neighbour is making you just now.

Nobody should have to put up with this kind of thing.

Even if his wife has given a reason for the scaffolding that does not give her husband the right to peer into your windows and make comments on what you are doing or wearing. I still think you should have a word with the police community officer. They will log the information and possibly a patrol car will 'casually go past' At least you will have done your bit as you never know what goes on in your neighbours head. Not quite all as it should be in that department ?

I wouldn't escalate it unless the OP feels in danger. She has to live next door to these people. It's true the man has been socially inappropriate but people can get a hell of a lot worse in different more destructive ways if you start bringing the law into it. On purely practical considerations.

This man has problems and must be stopped. I think you've got to let him know that enough is enough, and it's time he respected your privacy. I don't see why you should go to the expense and inconvenience of buying nets/blinds,etc. Do you have another neighbour who you could confide in?

Agree with blue skies advice and contact the local police community officer.Keep a note of what he says to you The guy sounds a nut case. You should not have to go to the lengths of putting up net If you had wanted nets you would have had them before now. Scaffolding but no signs of any work going on .?
Now that I would question.







on.

The neighbours wife has just left. She called in to see if it was OK for their grandchildren to come"trick or treating" tonight. Usually we only make it as far as the kitchen but today I took her into the sitting room, she looked out the window and was horrified at how little privacy I have. She just hadn't realised. I then told her I had been startled to see her husband on the scaffolding when I opened my curtains one morning and she said he was checking the roof. Apparently they need work done to their roof and the roofing contractors kept changing the dates however they now have a definite start day of next Monday so that should keep him off the scaffolding! All I have to contend with then is some (hopefully) hunky roofers!

I honestly don't think his comments were meant to be intimidating - perhaps just his idea of taking a neighbourly interest!

I would be asking for my key back if they have one for your door,, make an excuse you have lost yours or whatever.. and def have a word with police. I also think some net curtain would be helpful.. You would still be able to see him if he is outside spying but he wouldn't be able to see you.And if you do see him trying to look in def get in touch with the police..

Not surprised Day 6 his wife is standoffish and doesn't speak to the neighbours. She's not stupid.

He is bang out of order and needs to be dealt with ! I'd initially go with gmelon suggestion of making comment to wife ,but I'd certainly not be spending money on net curtains or anything else like moving furniture , this is his issue not yours and he needs to be sorted ......# me too

GracesGran - You mean that the neighbour is trying to exert power over me rather than using this carry on as his chat up line? Was not quite sure what you mean but thanks for reply

I have had to put up voile panels at large windows in my house because of a nosy neighbour. When he moved in he clipped the hedge between our house to waist height, denying me privacy. He is chatty but it's always his agenda. I started to dread going out to hang out washing if he was in his garden - he seems to live out there - because he would always make a comment or want to make some alteration to his house, garden or the side entrance which would affect me or involve me having to fork out a half share for the work he though would be in my interest as well as his.

He could peer over the hedge into my house and at the front he parks his car as near to my drive as possible. He also comments on my coming and going, visitors cars parked on my drive and my viewing and waking habits. I turn in late but he says when he sees me that he knows my lights are on late at night. How - unless he is going outside to check?

I find it all very creepy. I feel as if I am under surveillance sometimes. He means to be neighbourly, I am sure but I feel he encroaches on my privacy, both when I am outdoors and indoors. It's horrible. I smile when I see him. I don't want to fall out or create an atmosphere but I wish he would back off. I value my privacy.

His wife is the opposite. Very stand-offish and speaks to none of the neighbours.

It is stalking and once it starts it usually escalates. If he makes any more personal comments directly to you tell him they are not welcomed and you feel intimidated by them. Then speak to the local community officer. Men who do this are into showing their power over women and he probably convinces himself he is admired by you. You have a human right to privacy in your home and with friends/family. He's clearly enjoying the effect he has on you. Maybe the community officer can ask him about why the scaffolding is up for so long.

It's not about 'taking up with' SPF, it's about power.

Net curtains are cheap and will make you feel more secure. I live alone and had to deal with this too. It is important to feel safe and private in your own home.
Some people, your neighbour included, think they can treat women on their own just as they please. Not a lot you can do about him apart from, as you say, speak to his wife.
You sound as though you have an active social life so mention this to your friends who will remind you that it's him not you !

I have similar sort of goings on at my house. I am a disabled pensioner living alone. The neighbour is a couple of years younger and has a wife.
I have contacted police asking them to put a stop to it but they would not even accept it is inappropriate behaviour.
I have spoken to a Stalking organisation and they have contacted Police for an enquiry into why they, police, are not stopping this. More officers out but still no acceptance of the situation.
It is constant and horrible. I dont know what these people think they are going to achieve. It is hardly an endearing quality. There is no way any decent woman would take up with the married neighbour especially one who stares.

OldWoman you are not that much older than your neighbour but in any case it is not unusual for there to be a fixation on older women who are seen as more vulnerable and therefore easier prey.
Find out what work is being carried out, if any, and for how much longer you should expect the scaffolding to remain around their house. Certainly distance yourself from your neighbours and use vertical blinds, which can be angled appropriately so that the neighbour cannot see in, and not leave you feeling closed off. Diarise all instances of creepy behaviour and make sure that family, other neighbours and friends are aware of your concerns. Are there any other neighbours who may be affected by this man? If so then you do need to speak to the police about it. Better safe than sorry!