Jingle

Please can we stop talking about bullies on other threads. For one thing it can become a thread about a thread which is against the rules, and for another it seems a bit like ‘talking behind people’s backs’. Yes I know it’s said openly but I don’t think anyone goes on every single thread so whoever it’s aimed at is unlikely to see it. If you think someone’s a bully say so to their face and leave it at that. For myself I think the word is being used far too regularly on here and has become cheapened. I’ve been insulted (a lot) and I don’t like it, at times I’ve been very upset (wimp) and gone away vowing never to post again. But I haven’t been bullied and I’m not going to claim that I have.

As for jingl, yes we had our run ins but I miss her and enjoyed her ability to cut through the crap and to make me laugh. I think her sins were mild compared to some on here and would like to see her back (legally!)

What's The Argy?

The Argy Bargy Cafe thread. I think it is only for posh peeps though. (He, he!)

I think you've misunderstood. You didn't have to invest the while 14 million, just whatever you could afford - so I've done that. All my savings.
Smart move, right?

I would say ‘refined’ peeps Alima as defined by knowing a good gin, wearing the right clothes ( mainly faux fur) and being able to tell the difference between a ferret and a rat.
We have both, in the cellar, unfortunately, and the ferrets are running wild.We also claim to be the only bar/cafe that has George Clooney permanently handcuffed to the Nespresso machine.?

I have just sent the contents of the swear box ( a bent sixpence, two buttons and a broken tooth) to the Rev Chris,
I was taken in completely and thought him honest!?

nightowl I agree with you about the over-use of the word bully - it has become cheapened, almost meaningless.
I don't wish Jings any harm, she's ok by me.
But I've always hated elitism, maybe something to do with my experience of WW2, I've seen what it can lead to. (Not that I think Jings is in that category). And I think there's a tendency in forums, and in life, for people to rush to support some kind of leader. Which I can't do.
Unless they show to everyone they deserve to be - rarely happens.

I agree about the overuse of the term bullying, here and outwith Gransnet. Also elitism or "the elite" with regard to Gransnet. There is no Gransnet elite. Never has been, never will be. We are posters and we have equal 'rights' to post. Any perceived elitism is just that—perceived.

What puzzles me is how anyone manages to perceive it. Is it to do with how frequently someone expresses their views, with how well/strongly they express their views? Or something else?

Riverwalk and others, my understanding of 'bullying' is 'deliberate, targeted and repeated behaviour, aimed to hurt.'

I have not used the word lightly and I simply 'post as I find.' I am not one for using PMs to 'talk behind someone's back' either and have been transparent here about my thoughts.

I did not elicit any PMs about Jings and was actually quite taken aback to receive several in my early days on GN which all said the same things: 'Try not to mind Jings - and don't give up posting because of her' or 'I don't post anymore because of her.' Even so, I chose to form my own opinion over time.

When I first joined GN I posted daily from Jan- May 2016 and. not least because she was a prolific poster, I had plenty of occasions to see Jings in action.
Over time I saw for myself how Jings had her 'sport' with others and though the 'victims' changed, it was indeed repeated, deliberate, targeted and unkind,

If I seem a bit too 'invested ' in commenting on Jings presence now it is simply because I do not like unkindness and I think it incredibly sad that so many people were upset and stopped posting because of one person.

I do not doubt that Jings has many good qualities. I liked her sharp wit when it wasn't used to hurt and I saw the humour too. I also get Annie's point that we all bring different levels of sensitivity to GN and that what is robust banter for some can present a difficulty for others. My single issue with Jings would be that when repeatedly told she was being hurtful, she continued and her 'apologies' therefore were meaningless. I don't know why GN banned her and it really is of no great matter to me as to whether or not she posts here again, but I hope any repeat of deliberate unkindness will not be defended, but will soon be called out and stopped if it happens again.

Lastly - yes, I have tried to 'craft' careful responses which have ended up rather long because I have taken pains to be clear. I can only apologise for them being so wordy... I don't take any pleasure in saying such strongly negative things.

I never saw any of the repeated cruelty from Jings that you speak of, imp. I did see teasing posts of hers meant in humour and cheekiness. I got some (quite a lot) of those myself.

Given that you can't provide evidence to back up your claims (well, technically you might be able to if you felt so inclined but I think it would be against GN guidelines), I think you should stop making the claims. Fair's fair and you can't go around accusing people of stuff that they and others can't respond about because they don't know exactly what you are referring to.

I'd say the same whoever was being targetted in the same way with unevidenced accusations.

Understood Baggs.

Clearly some people feel differently. I am not trying to 'win a point at all costs', - everything I have said about PMs I received was true - would be odd to make that up! And I saw what /I saw. But enough - I was just seeking to clarify the point I was trying to make.

Well one example of perceived elitism might be established posters telling newbies how to behave. You don't but there are others that do. BTW I thought your response to ImP was harsh - she's far from the only one to express these views and your call for 'evidence' is rather silly. I expect that there are also others on GN who feel negatively about Jingle but don't want to get caught up in the discussion on here - especially as they'll then be told off for so doing - and especially if they are relatively new. She's clearly on this thread and can defend herself but I for one think that this hero worship of her is a bit odd - as is hero worship of anyone on a forum - I find it rather adolescent people going on about the good old days and how GN isn't the same without her (I paraprase but you get my drift). I thought ImP was rather brave

It was IMO a silly thread to start - I would have thought trouble was likely to develop

Right, I've effin' had enough now! I have NEVER deliberately set out to hurt anyone. Yes, I've fought my own corner at times. Of course I have. I am not one to roll over. But I am NOT a bully.

I totally cancel my apology made last night when I was tired.

And TriciaF I don't remember ever before being referred to in the same breath as Hitler!!!!

I'm with Baggs on this. I too read the forum and have do for a long while now.
I've not seen bullying or elitism. There are people who clearly share views and whose responses can be predictable especially on the political threads.
Correct me if I'm wrong but Imperfect, did you not start almost as soon as you joined, pleading for this forum to be a 'nicer' place? I remember a fairly robust response!

maryeliza548 This thread was started by a much loved poster simply to wish me a happy birthday. Out of the kindness of her very kind heart Go ahead. Find fault with that!

I think the unpleasant comments says a lot about the posters making them. And it says a lot about the current state of Gransnet.

And I have loved this site.

How can such a kindly meant thread be turned into this?

Back to Twitter for me. Much nicer.

The original poster on this thread supported me at a time when I was feeling pretty down. Don't anyone DARE criticise her for starting this, or any, thread.

Notme / Jings I am sorry that the initial intent of this post has been hijacked by what followed. I won't take up any more of your thread space except to answer one other comment (nearly wrote that I would send a PM, but know that could be open to criticism):

Jane10 yes. A very early post of mine was met with blatant unkindness and derision and I was shocked at the time. I quickly saw, through reading other posts, that this was common. And I commented on how inappropriate I thought it was and got the 'How dare you 'Newbie' take us to task' treatment from a fair few people. I simply say what I see.

maryeliza, there are people on Gransnet whom I "feel negatively" about. It would be wrong of me to express my negative feelings about them in public. So I don't agree I was being harsh towards imp. No harsher than I'd be with myself anyhow. If other people think it's harsh of me to say it how I think it is, then so be it. I believe in fairness. Fairness is more important than people's perceptions of harshness.

I am perfectly at liberty to say what I did about the starting of this thread so yes I dare criticise -so what?

I think it incredibly sad that so many people were upset and stopped posting because of one person.

That's quite an accusation - do you have evidence of this?