A certain sort of man..........

Yes Diddy1,he is your son give him a good old fashioned talking to.

Good for you glammananna, If only more people would stand up to and shame these bullies, perhaps there wouldn't be so many of them. What a hateful trait to have.

We have a ghastly family across the road from us - 4 kids from different fathers, all much younger than the woman and poor kids have never been taught any manners, so another generation dragged up in the same mould. Every time we go out, we get a mouthful from the "men" and the language from the poor kids has to be heard to be believed. The only family member worth a fig is GM, who lives down the road, is a good mate of mine and who does her best, but is fighting a losing battle with them!

I feel so sorry for one of my Grandsons, who has a mild form of ADHD he is adorable, sociable, friendly, and helps everyone. His Father, my Son, seems to "threaten" him, my Grandson is 15 and on his way home from College had forgotten his School Computer at Mc Donalds, fortunately, it was still there when they went back for it, but afterwards my Son threatened him with not being able to use his moped ( which Grandson adores) for six months. This kind of behaviour I find dreadful, it is a type of bullying and does this boy no good at all, he should be encouraged, as we all try to do. My Son is divorced so that might tell you something, I am glad when these boys are with their Mother every other week to be honest. Any suggestions how Grandma can butt in?

Loathe the phrase 'Man up' - entirely inappropriate to say to a child. I have noticed over the years that some parents and grandparents (usually the Dads and Grandads) are like this- my ex SIL used to say this to my GS all the time, so did SIL's father so I always assumed it was learned behaviour.0

I agree about you been framed hate it, so unkind to see children in that situation.
We never told our son to man up and he played cricket and football. My h just used to play with him in the garden with a football and taught him to play cricket and also taught him to swim. If our son had not been interested then my h wouldn't have minded.

Oh Luckygirl 100% agree with you... it makes my blood boil, and I've even been known to same something to the culprit. Much to the embarrassment of who ever is with me.

I suspect the same people who say minimise bullying, homophobic or racist comments as "only banter" would describe some if the behaviours here as perfectly acceptable,

There have always been men who want their sons to be tough guys and many of them, as this thread shows wanted to teach their daughters to be tough or at least not cry-babies too.

In some cases we could and should intervene, in others it is probably worse for the child if we do. Teachers and others with a duty of care have to intervene in many cases were the ordinary passer-by doesn't and it is never easy to be either the one or the other

My husband watched a mother grab her child's hand roughly and trail her across the road. She then pushed her hand away as if she wanted nothing more to do with the child. The child was left walking way behind her mother. It was sad to see but what can you do?

Hate You've been Framed. My DD's ex is a bully and tries to "toughen up" his five-and-a-half year old, usually by making fun of her. My DH, on the other hand, gets her to do things by gentle encouragement or just by pretending he assumes she can do them. Guess who gets the better results? Ex now has another baby daughter by his partner so I wonder if he'll be the same with her. But I agree, women can just as bad.

When I was about 2 years old, my grandfather used to turn me upside down and tickle me until I was nearly sick. My mother told him to stop it, but he just said (in his Midlands accent), "Look at 'er laffing 'er loves it". Yes I was laughing because it's a reflex action or something, but I didn't love it, it was horrible

The amount of kids in school who reflect this teasing, bullying and mickey taking behaviour from a very young age shows that there are certainly a lot of this type of man around. Particualarly prevalent in the smaller boys as well. It really annoys me when other kids are completely oblivious as to why another child might be crying when they hurt themselves. As in 'oh I don't cry when I hurt myself' I know they are just kids but crying is a normal physiological reaction to pain for gods sake! As a woman who finds it almost impossible to have a good cry this whole attitude really annoys me.

Bullies are everywhere unfortunately and many are parents. I have cringed many times overhearing the way children are spoken to and treated. I have previously intervened, I have also phoned the Police when one father was going too far. I was told later that Social Services intervened and far worse things had been discovered, so I am so glad that I found the courage to stand up for the child.

I can't bear practical jokes! Children are sensitive and a balance needs to be found between enjoying rough and tumble (which can be great fun) and teasing and bullying.

My own father played horrible, frightening tricks on me like ducking me under water in pools and in the sea.

Men, especially those of an older generation, know that other men can tease 'softies' mercilessly, and perhaps try to get sensitive children to 'man up' to avoid this. However, some of their behaviour shades into the bullying they are seeking to ward off.

Some men are from Mars and some man-children are not.

I do agree with the OP, but would also say that very often the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and many dads were brought up that way themselves. I used to teach parenting classes and parents would often say (and believe) that being brought up like that didn't do them any harm, but over time they could be encouraged to tap into memories of how they felt as a result of harsh parental behaviour and would then acknowledge that they had been harmed and consequently change their ways.

I agree *Luckygirl.

We once went to a party where there were a lot of Asian people. One tiny little boy was afraid to climb to the top of a climbing frame. His father told him " You are shaming me"
I very nearly said " You are shaming yourself by that attitude", but in the cause of harmony desisted

Oh I hate that programme. I won't give it airspace.

I hate programmes like 'You've Been Framed' where a child is filmed running smack into a fence or falling face down in a puddle. You can hear roars of laughter in the background from adults - most likely the parents.

When a video is accepted for broadcast the people who send it in are actually paid

glamma when GSs went to live with their father D gave him a big box of books in adition to their toys and clothes. The next time he brought them to me for a sleep over he brought the books saying "we don't need these" I do wonder if they ever read at home

I dislike the way boys are told to man up, that they're a big boy now, that boys don't cry. Similarly, I don't like to see girls told they can't play football for example, because its a boys game.
I do wish children were all treated kindly and in a way that meets their needs. The older I get, the more unkindness, brutality, neglect and so on distress me. Maybe I need to man up!

I worry about the support these little ones get at home with their school work with parents like this,they are at a loss before they begin aren't they.
At the bus stop locally I saw a mother shake her son and had to intervene and shame her no one else at the stop said anything just looked away sheepishly,she was very explicit in her reply but I stood my ground and stared her out and I would do it again.Shameful !!

Grim isn't it.

This thread reminded me of an incident a couple of weeks ago where I was waiting at the bus stop and a father and young boy of about six were waiting as well. The father was berating the child because he could not understand the timetable. It went on and on and despite remarks from other passengers who had come along he just didn't stop. The child was terrified and yet there wasn't anything any of us could do. Sickening!