I have been troubled today to learn of the 'issue' of a year one boy sent to school in a dress and the fall-out from this with Christian parents who have removed their own child from his class. Interesting that it is a C of E school who have also been very supportive of an eight year old transgender child and I think there must be much to learn here about kindness and acceptance.
The different views around this have been given an airing on Victoria Derbyshire's programme today. no doubt the papers will have a field day and I do think the 'Christian' element will be derided and exploited as a key element of this story.
I feel uneasy about several things.
I wonder if the young boy's parents have been deliberately challenging / controversial to forward their own views, rather than thinking about the possible - and at this moment in time it would seem, sadly inevitable negative responses their child will have to navigate. I really don't know if this is simply a brave or naïve/ foolish move on their part. They may be pioneers in forwarding understanding - may have decided that it is in fact a big 'so what' at the tender age of 6. But it has reaped a media whirlwind. But then, how do attitudes change without challenge?
I am also very aware of the challenge that must bring with it a sense of bewilderment to many. I think many parents - Christian or not - will be as perplexed and worried about how their own children will react and make sense of this challenge to stereotypical behaviour and thinking. And they may feel resentful at being forced to face and work through their own confusion, ignorance or fear to address the gender questions / sexual identity queries that this raises.
If I were a parent of a 6-7 year old, I would need to ponder how/when to introduce the subject of sexual identity - whether to go very lightly and treat it as a big 'so what' and 'Weall need to be able to be ourselves'. What language do we use? I imagine there will be a great variety of responses.
I am very perplexed by this myself because I honestly don't know - do any of us (?) how sexual identity is fixed - if it is wholly biological, or also somewhat nurture based. And could we possibly be in danger of confusing sexual identity for some children by striving to be politically correct and all inclusive?
Striving to be 'gender neutral' to the nth degree seems to be a growing trend at present.
I don't like the word 'tolerance' as it is not the same as acceptance and suggests 'putting up with' rather than truly being at peace about ... I know for myself I am trying to play 'catch up' with very fast-moving, media driven, challenging ideas. I know that if my reactions are fear-based, that is not good enough. I need to work on learning more and questioning my own responses. But phew, it is hard work!
Yes Gillybob, I thought just the same. I fully support transgender people and sympathise with the difficulties they face but there are some odd parents about and Sometimes wonder about their motives.
Sexuality is a completely different thing to gender. Being transgender is not about a dysphoria with your sexuality, how could it be in a child so young? It is a belief their body does not belong to them. They do not identify with the body they live in. Not all young boys wearing dresses will transition, but who has the right to say that they can't explore with how their feeling in a safe, non judgemental environment ?
As for explaining to other children? Children are so easy going, present facts, not a biased judgement - if people truly believe in God, then surely who has the right to judge? We are all unique individuals trying to find out way in this ever complex world.
Sadly now this drama will forever high light for a vulnerable family how unbending society can be.
Can children be tainted by a boy wearing a dress?
Or is this more a disgust of a so called religious family who just want to stamp a difference out?
If the parents (who pulled their son out of school), claim to be good Christians, they should not have squandered a teaching opportunity about kindness and unconditional love. They chose instead to teach their son intolerance and how to shame a six year old boy simply for trying to be who he is.
My granddaughter refused to wear dresses until she was about 14 or 15 - except at school when she wore school uniform, which for girls was skirts. She didn't particularly like it but no-one thought of indulging her or suggesting she was 'really' a boy. She is now nearly 19 and seems quite happy in her skin though she doesn't often wear skirts, but then I never do either.
I do wonder what the actual percentage of 'transgender' people is. And why there seem to be so many now. I can remember April Ashley hitting the headlines when I was young, and then Jan Morris when I was heading for middle age but that was all, over a period of about 50 years. Does anyone know?
Apparently there are15,000 identity persons in the uk according to article on line in the Independent .
My 7 year old daughter wears trousers and shorts to school, because they're practical and she feels more comfortable running around and playing in them than she does a skirt. Other girls wear dresses or skirts but with shorts underneath 'so boys don't see our knickers.'
Frankly I find this far more concerning than a boy wearing a dress.
Willa45 - absolutely agree.
Kirbygirl
100 years ago there seemed no gay men. The dare not come out as gay. Same for transgender. They've always been here. Just not prominent until newspapers publish something every five minutes!!
What difference does it make to anyone whether the boy wears girls' clothes one day and boys' clothes another day? It seems to me that a lot of pressure is put on girls and, perhaps more particularly, boys to conform to certain gender stereotypes. The recent TV programme with little children demonstrated how damaging to healthy and respectful relationships and limiting of aspirations these gender stereotypes can be. I think these issues are more important than a boy or girl making choices about what they wear.
I may be mistaken but I watched most of the Victoria Derbyshire interview with the parents and I seem to recall that the mother said something like "it might be upsetting to our son if he called the child he instead of she and vice versa and got told off for it". Victoria Derbyshire then enquired whether that had actually happened and the mother said no. It seemed to me like the parents were raising all sorts of problems that might arise but which hadn't actually happened.
I taught children across the whole primary range for 38 years and it makes me sad to see that so many adults now think nothing of drawing small childrens' attentions to subjects that are just not appropriate because of their own attention seeking behaviour. They can't seem to wait until the child matures and has formed some opinions of their own. As children of the 1950's my brother and I spent a carefree childhood. We were out climbing trees and yes we dressed up, but that was a vital part of imaginative play. No one tried to label us. That is the problem today. Everyone has to be labelled. If I saw a litte boy putting on a dress in the home corner when I was an infant teacher it didn't even deserve a comment. Please let children have a childhood. Let them be happy, because the time when they realise that there are many huge problems in our world will come round all too soon. Parents should use their common sense and stop finding new problems to give to our children and grandchildren.
For those who doubt there were cross-dressers in the past here's Jane Gomeldon. In the 1700s she left her husband, dressed as a man, is said to have tried to elope with a nun, and was a writer
Well said Grankind.
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