Feeling upset with my DD

I agree MOnica.
Maybe you could water the story down a bit when you tell DH, OP? You're under such a lot of pressure at the moment, don't let this add to that.

MadGrandma - 1. your DD and SIL were wrong to give the gift early. Sounds like they are both quite selfish and need to be told that you had wanted to give the present yourself. 2. your DH, despite recovering from cancer and a rough time generally, sounds also to be quite selfish as you mention that he alienated himself from his sister over their mother's funeral. 3. is there any sense in which his behaviour has knocked onto your DD's behaviour, leaving her too adopting his tendencies? 4. the main thing here is that you are hurt, under stress, and clearly want to be part of your GD's birthday. Make sure you go, buy her a nice cover for the Fire as suggested by others. 5. Tell DH that if he feels he can't be at his GD's birthday without causing a row and spoiling it for GD, he should stay at home. Stand up for yourself with both GD and DD

IMHO son-in-law is an insensitive jerk. As for your daughter, I find with my own, that being a mum of young children has made her forget her manners at times. (My little world and how I choose to live in it ). Agree with others to take a small gift on the day and not make a big deal out of it. Sorry for your troubles .

That should be 'often over things...' I must learn to be patient enough to proof read before posting.

jevive I agree. I hate the expression 'first world problems'. Family conflict, over other things that may seem trivial to others, is an international problem. Do the people that use it not think that people living in a Soweto settlement are not capable of falling out because someone sat in the wrong chair? If anything, small issues can have bigger consequences in countries that in what is insultingly called the 'third world'. We are all human beings and we all have human concerns and frailties.

It was a bit thoughtless but we are all thoughtless sometimes and it can't be undone now. Go to her birthday. Not doing so would be cutting off your nose to spite your face. I would tell DH a little while before the day but try not to sound too upset yourself about it. Lead with the fact that her Kindle had broken rather than that they had given her birthday present to her early. You don't want it to become an ongoing issue.

Hi all I don't post very often but a thought occurs that perhaps Madgrandma may have an underlying upset because DD and family have only visited their father once since coming out of hospital. I know I would.

Talk about kick you when you are down... I recently joined this site and posted on here about our situation with our daughter and couldn't believe some of the nasty unhelpful comments I received from people who know little about the situation and just assume. I don't post for myself now as it upset me so much, doesn't help.
You poor lady you obviously have a lot of emotional stress going on in your life. I don't think they are playing fair with you and your DH. From what you say... you are upset and probably a little afraid that your DH was so ill, still undergoing treatment and you have only had one visit in all that time. Our children can be very selfish at times. Tell your DH now, get it over with. Say it as if it doesn't matter. Explain to her how you saw the kindle and knew she would love it. Suggest Skype!! As your sil is a tech it will take him 2 minutes to set it up and that way you can Skype your DD and family maybe one a week. It could bring you all a little closer. Make your Skype cheerful so they look forward to them. As already suggested get a cover for the Kindke they are so cheap on EBay.There is a little ray of sunshine waiting for hugs and kisses from her grandparents on her birthday. Focus on that for now and how lovely that cuddle will feel. Hope all goes well with everything and I am really sorry you are so upset xxx

I think they should have made your GD wait. Perhaps by saying after the other one broke. Well you may get a new one for your birthday let's wait and see. At the very least you should have been asked beforehand. I understand completely how you feel.
Go along on the day and enjoy it.
You have more important things to worry about.

These days most children get so very many presents on their actual birthday, that they do not appreciate who gave what. Indeed, getting a needed birthday present a little bit early will make it all that more special for the child. Do not think any further gift is necessary, just a nice card on the day, with the message that you hope she is enjoying her new kindle from you both.
Whereas, you and your hubbie are probably feeling pretty fragile at the moment, surely this is really not worth falling out with your family. Explain to your hubbie that the child really needed this gift so it was so much better for her to have use immediately, and not have to wait until a particular date on a calendar.

At 7 a child is old enough to appreciate that a gift given as an early birthday gift is still a birthday gift and to understand who it is from - as long as they are given that information. What bothers me more about the situation is whether that happened and if it did, why the parents did not arrange a note or phone call from the GD to say thank you!

We all have differing ideas as to what's right and wrong, but this isn't worth causing an issue over. Yes, chat to your husband, voice your opinion and ask for his advise and support so it doesn't escalate.

I think they could have at least asked you first if it was okay - and it's something I would probably say as you wanted to give her the gift yourself - always better to say what you think politely rather than create bad feeling, and not go.

They made a practical decision in the face of events, not the decision you would have made but certainly, not worth falling out over. Seems that the Kindle thing was needed a bit earlier and they just responded to that need.

I am sorry you feel disappointed but no hurt was intended. I suggest you buy a book/ story to go on it and ask your GC to tell you all about it and say, that was lucky wasn't it that it was just there waiting whn your other one broke.

Then you can share the good bit about Kindles being a source of endless stories and what could be nicer?

I would just say on the day "I hear you got our present early. Hope you are enjoying it". Better to spread pressies out anyway as they get so much these days.

A sweet sentence in GD's exercise book at school "My brother (14) spoiled his Christmas present". It turns out he was so adamant to have the video game they were buying him when it came out he insisted on buying it with his money, so had to have a different present at Christmas. Fair enough I suppose , but interesting how the 7 year old saw it though

Tricky one. I rarely get to see my grandchildren on their actual birthday due to health, distance etc. They often get their presents early when they come to visit and I am quite happy when this happens asour presents don't get lost in the amount they get on the day. Maybe an idea for next year.....

I feel quite exasperated to read about so many thoughtless 'dear' daughters/sons/dils/sils on here. I would be quite cross if this happened to me. I would certainly tell this SIL in no uncertain terms that the 'condition' attached was it was a BIRTHDAY present! Sorry for the shouty capitals.I think you were very thoughtful taking the present over early so it was set up in time. I have absolutely no truck with walking on egg shells with my children- some things need to be said albeit diplomatically. I think a chat with DD is in order along with an early thank you note from DGD. I wish you and your DH well

Agree with Anya totally.

Let it go. You have a lot on your plate at the moment. It reminds me of the time I put gifts for my son's girlfriend under the tree. Instead of waiting till she called here, my son took them to her. I was so disappointed at not seeing her open the gifts, and was annoyed that my son didn't ask if it was ok to take them. I bit my lip and said nothing!

We can still feel anxious or sad about our own problems and dilemmas as well as at the same time caring about people less well off than us in trauma and distress around the world.

A cover as the extra present is a great idea.

Olene I think to dismiss someone's emotional discomfort with "first world problems" is somewhat insensitive.

A cover would be a brilliant gift, on the 'day'.

I would feel a little hurt that they hadn't asked first if DGD could have her present early.

Perhaps if you fibbed a bit tell your husband that GD's old pad had broken so you'd agreed she could have her present early. I know it means taking the flack yourself but it would then blow over before you get to see her. Her parents had probably been under quite a bit of pressure about the broken pad and given in for peace and quiet!

A cover for it as a present to open on the day sounds like a good idea too.

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