Suddenly Single at 75

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I did see a solicitor and sorted the finances. ' He ' is now buying my share of the property which means he gets to stay there with all we had built up over the years. I won't be able to buy anything in that league but there isn't a price to put on peace of mind. Yes, looking back I more or less lived a solitary life after he started drinking at precisely 5.30 each evening. I had befriended the neighbour many times in the past when she was drunk and incapable of standing. Cleaned her up and put her to bed then checked on her. I had a key to their house and when her parents were away they asked me to keep an eye on her. It feels like I have been stabbed in the back. I will now take the advice given here and plan to eat what I like and go where I want to go and find the positives. I do not believe in self pity and will pull myself up by my boot straps, paste a smile on my face and start again. I am lucky in so many ways, healthy, reasonably fit, good family and loyal friends. Plus , of course, gransnetters. My thanks to you all.

Hi Marion. I am also trying to adapt living alone. Although not the same reason. My husband died a few months ago. Dealing with the grief is one thing, dealing with being alone is another. But I'll tell you that I never in a million years thought I could do it! It's not easy, some days are worse than others, but I surprised myself. I didn't join any clubs or groups or any of that..yet. Might do. But for the moment, it's one day at the time. Learn to please yourself. Eat what you want. Go out when you want. It's difficult to do after being married for over 50 years and having to think of others all the time. If you are financially secure, then you can do it. Its not bad really..aside from the grief. In your case the betrayal is something you'll come to terms with eventually. My message to you is "please yourself" and enjoy your family. Good luck. You are not alone!

Parents of the other woman must feel awful. What a terrible betrayal from them both! I wish you all the best for the future. You deserve so much better. Take a day at a time. Hugs

A horrible thing to happen in your own home .... Though from what you said I'm guessing they were both under the influence! But that's not the point.

I realise you don't want to see "her next door" but I would still recommend that you return to your home, shove OH into spare bedroom, get estate agents round & then assess the implications of selling up, moving on, etc. And of course get legal advice!

I can't give any help on being alone so will just wish you well.
Be brave. Living alone sounds preferable than living with a husband who's such a heavy drinker that ..... Well who knows what.

Wishing you all the very best x

Is this just stupidity or has she a material motive? - As the others say - Citizens Advice. Also their online guide is good. I sure you will be better off steering your own ship!
citizensadvice.org.uk/

it has been eight years since my lovely hubby passed away.Yes I do feel lonely a lot of the time.I have friends I see and talk to and a little dog for company.Also have two lovely sons and three grandchildren.Stay strong hun, you will be ok. xx

So sad for you ggmarion, found myself in similar situation ( hubbie was having affairs - plural).. it was difficult and scary at first with 3 kids but you must get your financial future sorted.. don't walk away from that just him.. Give yourself time to grieve for what was and then move on - be sure you are worth it! If I can make it so can anyone...now happily married to my fabulous OH who I met via the internet.
Good Luck!

Sorry Marion - my post crossed with your post updating your position. Well done you for dealing with this ...... And again I wish you all the very best & much happiness with the next chapter in your life x

How awful and sad for you. All the advice above is brilliant. Make sure you get yourself secure financially. That and health are most important. Hope you have one or two friends to help you cope. And family, too. Life's crappy knocks do get harder to deal with as we get older, but we CAN do it! All good wishes to you. Let us know how you are.

This happened to my dearest friend and after a year she said " What started out to be the worst year of my life ended up to be the best year of my life"-------so look after yourself,friends and family will get you through,plus GN.
Best of luck ,it is his loss .

So sorry to hear about his disgraceful behaviour to you but listen to all those who have been through the same thing. Good family, friends (I include GNetters here) will keep you balanced, informed and sane.

I had two long relationships (this is the first time I have ever written about them). My first husband was a lying, cheating, mentally and physically cruel control freak with paedophile tendencies.

It was a truly miserable and humiliating experience. But being the good catholic girl, I stayed and just tried to do everything he wanted me to do (cannot even talk about that yet after 23 years!) so as to keep the peace and keep our children happy and healthy.

Then something happened that gave me the strength to stand up to this bully and he collapsed. Not long after he had a violent episode which ended up with him throwing me out of the house while he changed the locks.

There was lots of other stuff including me finding out he had sexually harassed my two sisters for years and years even when the younger one was aged 13.

But for the first time, despite the poverty - he refused to give me any money when I managed to get back into the house to look after our young children, waking up in the morning on my own was pure pleasure instead of something to be afraid of wondering what he would do to me/the children that day.

I often think about writing a book so young women will be able to recognise any features of these type of bullies and then avoid them like the plague! But they don't they tend to gravitate to them (like me) as they come over strong, persuasive, flattering etc.

I was so angry for years and years and can honestly say that was so damaging. Maintaining anger I think is a kind of self-harming.

I would so have loved to have had a life long partner where we could enjoy, relish our children and now their children.

I then lived with a man who was a constant liar and a cheat - but conversely he gave me so much self-confidence that allowed me to change my life completely for the better.

Since we separated, once I realised that I actually don't need to be validated by having a husband/partner, life is amazing. Thankfully I have a job I love, children and grandchildren and lots of good friends and interests.

It is freedom of the highest order. I once read that when your ex cheats and then cements that relationship, you should feel liberated as he is no longer your problem, you don't need to worry anymore where he is, who he is with. She has all those problems because once a cheat, always a cheat?

So get the financials done, think about all the changes you want to make to your life whether physical, domestic, spiritual or otherwise and make lists of these.

The very, very best of luck for the future making some amazing memories.

Good luck Marion, you are being very brave, and retaining your self respect. It will be a big upheaval, but hopefully you will find a new place that you love, small but easy to look after and all yours. You can enjoy choosing your decor, and have just what you want in your house. He will be the loser long term.

Best wishes

This must have been horrible for you on so many levels ggmarion and I do feel for you.
Citizens Advice as many have said worth a vist and find a solicitor that does charge the earth C A may be able to help with this as well.
But most of all look after yourself and use the help of family and friends.