Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

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Thin willy will no doubt be looked after well in the kitchen but we can't risk losing any more, so keep hold of big Jim Mary

I'm trying to hang on to him, but there is so much of him?

Really! Tell us more! Exactly which bits have you been "hanging on to" Marydoll .

I couldn't possibly post on a public forum

That bad eh? ?

Don't suppose you've found any homes for the baby ferrets Annie, Allan, Albert, Arnold, Arthur, Alvin and Dave have you? It's getting a bit cramped for them in that kitchen drawer. I was hoping to sell 'em for £50 each but not had any takers yet. You couldn't take one or two of them out with you when you go to work could you? Fat Willy more like Slim Pickings these days wouldn't mind.

I'll have Dave as I feel sorry for him having different first letter but I'll give you a fiver and the two cases of fursty Ferret beer(they are nearly out of date anyway), deal?

Don't give all the beer away MENOPAWS the bank manager is playing hard to get a loan from since his hangover the other day. Might have to send MARYDOLL round to twist his arm or some other part.

Oh I'm an expert at twisting body parts
Any particular part in mind?

Yes, his cheque writing hand!

Anya cannot be with us for a little while, but her message us that there is a large bucket of home made raspberry gin behind the bar ( the same ice bucket that I like to soak my feet in btw.)?

I will take little Allan and Albert off your hands Chewy as I fancy having a couple of ferrets about the place ( hope DH agrees.) are they house trained yet?

Deal Menopaws ! Make sure you have him descented. Stinky little buggers if they don't have their bits sorted. Actually, you could ask Marydoll to do it for you; she seems to be a dab hand at wrenching bits of unwanted anatomy off. poor Fat Willy

Excellent roses, that's £90 please. I've given you a very generous discount for taking the pair. Are they house trained? Hmmmmm, let me see..... if you mean "are they trained to live in a house", the answer would be yes. If you mean "are they house trained as in they won't crap in corners; eat through electric cables; squirrel the scent all over the carpet, curtains and you"....... the answer would have to be .... no. BUT... Marydoll will descent them for you, free of charge obviously. Anyway, here they are, the little rascals! thank God for that, little buggers the pair of them.

You all seem to have great faith in my capabilities. I'm flattered, but after my assignation with Big Jim, I have a very hot date with the Admiral.?, Consequently, I won't have the stamina to deal with any wrenching. Wrestling with the Admiral leaves me exhausted.?

We'll make ferret fritters out of any that are left. It will go well with the bargain I got today - six dozen scotch eggs going for a song. I wonder why? I'll get 'em ready for happy hour.

Chewy a little bird tells me you are too scared to dye your hair blue.... if we all at the Argy do it with you, will you?? If we do it ready for happy hour I will buy you a scotch egg

Ummmmm, I'd kind of like to have my hair dyed blue but not like a blue rinse like Phyllis in Coronation Street , more like a deep rich velvety blue. I'm not too sure of your experience and skills though Menopaws . Have you done anything like this before? Apart from sorting out Marydoll's green keks?

Liaise you must NOT make fritters out of Bertie, Bernard, Brenda and Bill. How could you even think of such a thing? Just look at them. Fast asleep in the kitchen drawer; fuzzy little tails wrapped around the knives and forks. How could you possibly think of eating them? would they be curried, I wonder?

How hard can it be, I'm a dab hand at making some scary ass colour cocktails so I'm sure your hair will be a doddle, you go blue, I'll go red, think how the sailors will love it and Mary has already tried green so should be fun!

Hmmmmm...

Oh alright! Go on then, you can dye my hair blue. But no mucking about and no mixing up psychedelic colours or making my head look like a turkey's bum.
Right, when are we doing it? don't think this is the most sensible thing I've done today

While you've been dying your hair and trying to sober up, those dratted babies - I think it was Cynthia, Charlene, Chardonnay and Cedric - have been at the scotch eggs. I can see teeth marks all over them. With a bit of effort I think I can cover them up. The customers will never know.

£90 ? Ok then, done! (and I certainly have been) put them in a box and I will collect them in an hour.I may hide them from DH for a couple of days, let them ferret about in the shed.

Better keep DH out of there - he'll be putting rat poison down! [sock]