Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Sock????

{shock]

Blimey....

(honestly, I haven't been at the Old Peculier Ferret Juice again - learned my lesson last time...)

No? Must have been the raspberry gin then Ana and I do hope you have been putting cash in the honesty box ( no wonder we need a bank loan)?

What honesty box? I thought free booze was one of the perks of making the place look busy when it's actually dead as a doornail...

Heehee....well, it's the oak box on the bar with 'HONESTY BOX' painted in black letters on the side of it, perhaps you had a 'should have gone to Specsavers' few weeks moment.
Mind you, free bevvies when it's dead in here is quite a good idea.

Cheers roses, have a pint on me.

Sorry about Charlene, Cynthia, Chardonnay & Cedric Liaise , they're inquisitive little buggers! Trying to keep them confined to the kitchen drawer is getting more difficult, especially now they can smell those pork pies you brought in this morning. Don't think they'll last more than a week or so without getting nibbled. It's a good job your brick like pastry keeps, isn't it?

My pastry is famous around here I'll have you know. The local dentist often sends me a cheque because of all the business I bring him.

I know Liaise , I've paid a significant amount of money to him to repair the vast amount of damage your pastry has done to my molars - he has much to be grateful to you for. Now that the building industry has taken off, have you thought of branching out and offering Redrow or Barrets some of your pastry? It seems a shame that only we at the Argy Bargy get to "enjoy" your pies.

What a good idea. I'll round up those lazy good for nothings who run this greasy spoon cafe and they can do a bit of work for a change. Of course their pastry won't be as good as mine.

Indeed it won't Liaise , no one can make pastry like you can! Would it be worth contacting the National Cement Company to ask them for a bulk order of your "secret ingredient"? We could get sifting first thing tomorrow.

I think that you could definitely go into business with my sister. I built a small bungalow with her rock buns last year.

Have you got any shortcrust because it needs an extension?

My rough, puff pastry would make great cavity wall insulation. I must say, I do like a bit of of "rough", as Big Jim will testify.?

I'm sure we have DameJudy . Liaise has always been an enthusiastic, if not talented, baker. We've had the same pork pies on the bar for a month now and still no sign of decay unlike our teeth

Yes Marydoll , poor Big Jim has mentioned your love of "rough" on the odd occasion like every time you grab the poor chap. .
Well, with Liase and DameJudy doing the pastry and you doing the rough stuff Marydoll , that leaves me free to go and see how Fat Willy is getting along with the back passage. He says it has a blockage in the pipework . probably all the "secret ingredients in the pastry

Chewy

Did you find that picture of me on Grab-a-granny.com Chewy ?

While I'm here, I may as well order a pint of Old Bedwetter. I'm wearing my incontinence pants, so may as well get my money's worth.

Dame Judy , don't bother with the pants, haven't you read the GN thread " Travelling by car"? Lots of helpful advice.

Ooh, I'll have to check that out Mary

I may as well have one of those rather sturdy looking pies while I look it up.

DameJudy, is this your first visit to the Argy? I haven't noticed you in before now.
In saying that, I have been rather inebriated, incommunicado, incognito and invisible over the last few days. It's that blasted hooch? I can't quite get the right mix?

Take no notice DameJudy Marydoll has been in a state of intoxication for the past 8 weeks "because she's trying to get the mix right". Ask her how she got grass stains on her knees last weekend. And it was nothing to do with weeding the back passage either. she crawled home on her hands and knees. It took her *4 days!*

It is my first visit Mary I am an Argy virgin.

I would've been here sooner, but I've spent several weeks recovering after eating one of my own fruit cakes. I'd run out of rum so had to improvise with some leftover woodstain.

I've been a martyr to the joys of overgrown back passages too Chewy

I can see that you and Marydoll will have a great deal in common DameJudy . Tell me, are you in any way connected to the theatrical royalty that bears your name? We could do with a bit of royalty class in the bar. Our reputation has suffered slightly lately even Dirty Gerty's down the road is more salubrious than us and a bit of royalty would do wonders for our kudos.

Well welcome. DameJudy. Should we curtsy when we say your name?
We are a very rum, gin, vodka, wine, bunch here, so you will probably feel quite at home.
A word of advice, stay away from Big Jim, Fat Willy, the Admiral, the cadets and the rest of the Fleet. They are all mine, mine, mine.