My man annoys me, quite a lot!

Time for this I think?

g.co/kgs/GNdCuv

???

Oh gosh, I've just read these posts and how it strikes a chord. DH gave up work many, many years ago because of his mental ill health. I worked 2 days a week until just over 3 years ago. I thought we'd be out and about on our bus passes (we no longer have a car, he's never driven). But no, we haven't been anywhere and for the last couple of years he's had big problems with his diabetic feet and recently had a second operation. Mentally he doesn't want to go out/fears going out, has no hobbies apart from amassing a pipe collection and spends all his time outside smoking his pipe. I hardly see him - I'm out and about quite a lot, fortunately he doesn't begrudge me my interests - but in spite of interests and friends I'm increasingly finding life difficult and a chore and a grind. I do everything - gardening, shopping, DIY, sorting out problems, housework, cooking, tidying up after him, he doesn't do anything apart from putting out the bins. Medical appointments sometimes more than once a week. The fridge is opposite the sink in our long narrow kitchen so just as I'm busy at the sink/oven he'll decide he needs to go in the fridge or wants me to make another cafetiere. Talk about getting under my feet. Then there's the pipe ash - although he smokes it outside he comes in with it sometimes and drops ash. He just doesn't understand my wish for a nice tidy house, he says it looks lived in. Oh dear, I feel guilty writing this. He thinks the world of me and says umpteen times a day how he couldn't manage without me and how much he appreciates me but I do feel drained physically and emotionally. I think I'd better stop now! And I actually feel better for reading all the posts and getting this off my chest.

Maw Broon it will never be time for THAT song!

How many of us can say we have not been there, and again for many unless they have lost DH, are still there.
For me, as time went on, it was you in your corner and me in mine and we had, apart from living in the same house, separate lives. It was not an ideal situation but apart from completely separating, stupid at our time of life, we plodded on. I believe you are much younger in your outlook on life, and how it should be when in retirement, than your DH and far from telling you to do what I did do what you want and let DH continue at his own pace. I now know I would rather have my DH, warts and all, than the emptiness I now live in.

We have a tv in a bedroom which is a life saver as we like different stuff. If you re together all day I think it's fine to have an hour or two separate for a programme. I also have a designated day I meet friends and walk with them then a coffee, and he does his own thing each Tuesday when I'm out. It works for us. U could also have a designated day to do something together, e.g. Lunch out, cinema, etc .

Alima
I defy anybody not to be singing that in their head for the rest of the day!
#curseofthemawbroon

Day6 I know exactly where you are coming from. We haven't retired yet, have a few more years to go but at the moment I have mixed feelings about whether I want to retire and be at home together. Love husband to bits too but he has the annoying habyof falling asleep a lot, especially in the evenings after dinner. It makes it difficult to watch anything on the TV and when I turn the channel over or the volume up he stirs and says he's watching it (I can't understand how he can be asleep whilst watching something) I have to remind myself of all his good points and not focusing on the falling asleep. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has this issue

Retirement is always a challenge that is never quite the same for everyone. There are some problems that seem to be common, and suddenly being 'on top of each other' despite room in the home is one. What was me time for one partner is now being intruded upon. The retiree is at a loss what to do and gets in the way. A new pattern of interaction is needed otherwise problems develop. There are two problems that need to be dealt with and it took my wife and I months to find a balance.

First is how to fill all that free time the retiree now has. Second is the disruptance caused by the retiree in the home. Seems simple doesn't it but in practice it is far from being so and many of you know all too well.

Discussion and patience are the ways forward. Do not let it fester.

What irritates me is that he sprawls on the sofa instead of sitting, and often falls asleep. Then I remind myself how much he's done that day (including cooking the supper as often as not) and like most of you I'm grateful for what I have that many others don't

My dear hubby used to fall asleep when we were courting, even in company! Nothing has changed in 49 years! I just make sure the tv remote is out of his hand before he nods off. I never disturb him as this frees up time for me (how selfish of me)!
Yes, he also irritates me, but I put up with it, as I must irritate him too (but I'm sure not as much)! Ooh! How I could go on - I've thought of the bliss of living alone, but there's always a BUT and a WHAT IF?
Long term marriages are worth holding onto, till death us do part and all that!

Kyliemay
I do not believe a reduction in testosterone levels is always the cause of the way men behave in later life
One only has to observe the amount of celebs in their later life who change partners and not always to half their age.
If you were to have the same dinner everyday you would soon lose your appetite.Make it more interesting then you get back your appetite.
Don't we take each other for granted.I dislike the saying familiarity breeds contempt but life can lack interest and be boring to the point where snoring in front of the TV becomes the norm. Are we not ourselves responsible in some ways for what has become a boring man? To hell with the DIY does that room really need decorating today? lets go away for the weekend the room can wait. No it doesn't have to be a five*** and have been planned months ago.

Cardiffjaguar
Should not life in retirement be a life of the unplanned?
For how many years are we ruled by the clock.
Then suddenly we can sit back and take time to be different. We are free. Rome wasn't built in a day. If one wants to spend all day reading a book who is to say the other should do the same or object. To each his own
One doesn't need to have a board meeting and if you have managed to survive the first forty years then the rest should be a piece of cake allowing for a few stale bits along the way.

I thought when I retired we would go out and about together , some chance ! We managed to go for lunch after the grocery shop a few times , but the sighs mounted and I had to give up . Then we just drifted along . We joined a seniors club , actually were the founders and I was quite enjoying it , we weren't the youngest nor the oldest ,but suddenly he decided he wasn't interested so I now go on my own . He enjoyed Whist , but I was told I wasn't good enough player to go with him ! We joined a Bowling club , great fun , but he was bored ........ anyway you get the picture ........ now he is poorly and can't get out . Sometimes it gets me down , but I pay a carer , and eldest Grandson to keep him company while I get out , but I am always on edge in case something goes wrong , at least he is still here and we are watching the golf together

My DH is always, and has always been busy. Which I s one of the reasons we moved. But I spend a lot of time looking for him,and as his hearing is not what it was my whistle ( lips ) is often ignored
He does his thing ,I mine and lots together. Lovely

Day6...... think I may be married to your DH's long lost twin!

And what is it about husbands that they fall asleep watching tv all the time?

I hate that bloody song

Remember Hilary Clinton calling her Tammy Whine-ette when Bill was demonstrating no loss of testosterone?

Are you sure you haven't stolen my husband (ha, ha)! Mine is just the same, as are most of my friends husbands. Its a case of Venus and Mars. It used to irritate me, but remaining independent and having our own interests..more than helps us to muddle along together. He's a good person...but when it comes to everyday life, snoring in front of the TV etc...grrrrrr!

My husband has his 'man cave'in one of the spare bedrooms.He plays his music, goes on line to play games and generally messes about with electrical cables and anything to do with IT He goes up there every evening after our evening meal, during the day we potter around together or one of us may go out, me to play bowls or meet friends or family, him to stroll to town to visit the bank and poundland his favourite shop!!! We sleep in seperate rooms too as he stays up later than me and rises later, i am up with the lark and go to bed earlier, i dont sleep well, so often put the light on at 2 or 3 o'clock to read. THis life suits as both very well. We seldom fallout and if we do we gravitate to our own space till things calm down and we are friends again.

I live alone and the rest of you seem to be involved in a complicated man share..........for all the falling asleep and driving you mad, you don't half miss them when they'e gone.

Exactly radicalnan

Oh gosh, I'm so glad my DH is normal! My problem with the remote is that when he drops off rests his eyes while watching something he's chosen on TV, he's always clasping the remote tightly so I can't sneakily change channels.

Also he's given up his volunteering role so is home much of the time making me feel guilty for "gadding off out". I'm almost tempted to give up my volunteering just to shut him up, but we'd drive each other nuts. And I enjoy it. So there!

DH has managed to survive with an incurable cancer for 7 years is obviously wonderful, but it does mean he's always here! No going off to work, no going on fishing trips. If I disappear upstairs to sort out some washing or do a bit of tidying a plaintive voice says "Where WERE you?"."What took you so long?" Because of problems with his medication I need to be around most of the time at the moment and haven't been able to meet friends for coffee or lunch. I wouldn't want to be without him but I would like some SPACE!

I've been feeling a mean old c*w all day for posting earlier. Usually I log on from about 6pm onwards but today logged on to check something and the forum caught me at a low moment caused by a number of small annoyances in the kitchen. I must add that DH is a lovely man, people warm to him, DDs and GDs think the world of him and he never grumbles when I buy things for myself or for the house (within reason, I'm still working on him for the new bathroom).

Well, ditto to lots of the previous messages!

I don't 'do' most of my husbands hobbies and he doesnt 'do' mine. I have my own bat cave and so does he. Don't think we ever watch TV together. But we do share the same political and social views generally, we both like travel, cinema, music, etc, etc.

I do occasionally feel like the original grumpy old woman, but when he had a heart scare, I was horrified and frightened for us both. I think that we are all just people rubbing along .... and some people are MUCH more tolerant and understanding than others. Certainly generally more so than me! ?

Day6, maw said nothing that should have caused you to say she was having a dig.

We all have times when we get irritated by something our DH's do, don't do, or say. All I know is I am so lucky to have mine with me and treasure every moment - even if he's interrupting my TV programme yet again!