troublesome committee member

I was involved in resolving a similar situation where the Chair person had been the chair for a long time and was very rude and short with the womenTrustees and the female CEO felt bullied by him.

The problem needed to be resolved. I sent a confidential email to the chair detailing how his approach was affecting others, he was not happy about being approached and told, but did curb his manner in meetings. I used email so I could check my wording carefully plus have a written record of my approach. A new person then decided to stand for chair at the AGM and the serving person decided to resign. Meetings are now led in a friendly way and far more productive.
A long career working with people taught me that bulies only back down if stood up to. Being a voluntary committee member should make you feel valued, all members have to show respect for each other, any member who can not subscribe to this view and tries to bully or overshadow others should be challenged. Nonone is more important than the charity or cause, people who can not respect and work with others should be asked to resign and be given an honest explanation about how they upset others.

That is indeed a sticky situation, Travelsafar. Maybe you could phrase a question to your friend in terms of is she finding it all too much as you've noticed she's been a bit sharp with some of the others lately?

Hilltopgran Such a good comment about standing up to a bully once they are confronted you can almost gaurentee a stand down by them,I have decided not to carry on as a volunteer member of the Charity I worked for as a shop manager because an Area Manager was brought in and picked on the brains and experience of long time members to gain knowledge and restructure the Charity to suit herself causing massive friction amongst the long srving members no on e stood up to her and they still don't,after my retirement from the role she asked me to stay on using the reason that my experience would help the Charity no end,what she meant was she could use all my contacts and therefore build herself up to the trustees at what a good job she was doing,she was dismayed when I told her that I couldn't work to my best abillities working with her and was taking my expertise elsewhere.

Oh well said glamma

Yes, I have had this problem twice. The first time, I stood down from the committee and politely stated clearly why in my resignation letter. I was asked to go back on the committee but politely declined.

On the second occasion some years later, one particular man, thought he could habitually bully me because I was a southener(!) I let him get away with it, whilst I slowly "reeled him in". The time came when he got both barrels from me and was put in his place immediately. Other members of the committee gave me a round of applause. However, I stood down because I couldn't be bothered with the hassle of it all.

I am on a very happy and co-operative committee where one member can be a bit abrupt. He is indefatigable in his work, always with the best interests of the society in mind.

Mostly we just accept it as his manner and ignore it, although there have been times when he is a bit OTT, at which point, I, certainly tell him politely but firmly to back off. he means well and just accepts it. Occasionally I go away fulminating, but usually recover after an hour or two, although on one occasion recently I did walk out and go home - but I calmed down and we are both on good terms again.

(sent too soon). To be fair he is not a bully, just socially cloth eared and a bit inept. I know people who worked with him and they also agree that his problem is social ineptitude.