Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Stomp!

I'll have a thunk Ann and see if I can remember but at the moment I'm having a sulk and a stomp and I'm going in the garden to eat WORMS

Don't you dare laugh at me Ana I'm Very Hurt

Nobody likes me
Everybody hates me
Think I'll go and eat worms
Very childish Anya. I really expected better (goes into Nanny mode)?

The colours alright but perhaps a mural of all the regulars on one wall? Any artists about apart from piss artists? Good effort anya, have a drink on the house

Oh Anya the colour is very ummmmm, errrr...... sobering. That's it! Sobering. otherwise known as drab. Can I ask where the doorknobs are please? They don't seem to be in the doors anymore. Is this because you've forgotten 'em or is it a new art installation?
Talking about knobs, has anyone seen my Georgie? I left him asleep in the corner but I can't see him now. Just a bit worried that Menopaws hasn't turned him into a Davy Crockett hat. Or xxxl fur knickers for Marydoll and *Annsixty *.

OK....Group Hug and all is forgiven ?

Emm...the door knobs...Chew try looking in your gerbils bed. He seems to be incubating them. Are you sure he is not a she?

That drink Menopaws - are you sure it wasn't the turps I put in an empty vodka bottle behind the bar?

Personally I think the new colour shouts 'sophistication' '.post-modern minimalism' and 'inter uterine'.

inter uterine! Love it! And so apt!

No no no, Graham is definitely a he. If you'd seen what he was doing with the head of that floor mop, you'd know he's a he. I haven't had a drink all day. What's available?

I think I drank it all?

All of it Marydoll ? ALL OF IT?

I think so, but I can't really remember.

I'll bet you can't remember! Don't suppose you can remember where you left your shoes and stockings either can you? We're you out with Annsixty by any chance? I've noticed a steep decline in your behaviour since you started going out spending her 25p extra pension money. And what's that tattoo you've got on your forehead?

My forehead???? I asked Roses' sailor friend to tattoo it on my **?

Well... it says "BUTT HEAD" so they got it partly right I suppose.

Come on come on haven't you got homes to go to. Nobody light a fag to near Anya or she'll go up like a rocket!

That was below the belt?

It was. But it made me laugh!

OK OK Menopaws , I'll just finish me cocktail and then I'll bugger off home. Marydoll ! Home time! And no diversions to the docks. Or tattoo parlours. You're running out of skin to colour in as it is.

I have just realised you haven't yet told me the make and model of the car you will be sending to pick me up and transport me to my "do".
You see if it doesn't come up to expectations I will need you to instruct the driver to park round the corner and I will deign to walk to it.
I simply couldn't have the neighbours seeing me drive away in an inferior vehicle.
(Nose firmly in the air and little finger suitably bent)?

Well Anne,
We, somehow, have spent all our available funds for the catering for your party. Sorry, but I inadvertently spent it in the gin bar yesterday.
So we decided to come and pick you up ourselves, but we have had a bit of a mishap. I can't figure out why the accident happened.
However, every cloud has a silver lining. We were rescued by some hunky, chunky paramedics and they have agreed to come to the party with some of their colleagues. Perhaps we could ask them to pick you up in their ambulance. After all, I think we may need them once the party gets into full swing. Along with the firefighters, I'm sure we are in for a night of it.

Forget all that malarkey. We'll pick Annsixty up in a wheelbarrow. I've got the one in the outhouse that Grafton sleeps in during the day. A bit of a sweep out to get rid of his "droppings" and it'll be right as ninepence. If she wants "fancy transport", I'll tie a couple of balloons to the handles. Sorted!

That's no way to describe Anya and Roses. Balloons indeed!

You trouble stirrer you! Make trouble in an empty room you would!
How come there's nobody behind the bar tonight? Fancy a pint of gin and tonic, I do.

Perhaps they are watching the tennis highlights. It is awfully quiet.Fancy a night in town for a change?

Yeah, can do. Curry?