Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

I love Gin but proper stuff like Hendricks or Tanquarey. None of your home brew made from potato peelings and onion skins and I only want Fevertree tonic with very thin slices of untreated limes and the ice cubes made with Buxton water and....
Oh just thought shall we keep it amongst our selves, no riff raff thank you. Am I too late for that, are they already members? ?

Did I mention I like my gin in a very fine, very plain Waterford Hi-ball glass?

No riff-raft in here Ann only the nicest most refined laydees you could every hope to meet. rose volunteers down the Seamen's Mission, Mary is a gem with the elderly and helps Chew stagger home to get safely back home of a night with all her unmentionables. Menopaws is our own special gem, keeping the place spick and span. I'm not sure about Ana but we are hoping our good influence is all that's needed.

We will ensure that the gin served for your birthday bash is legal of the highest quality. Though I must admit to being surprised - I had you down as a Lady Grey lass which is why I'm was unpacking the Crown Derby tea set.

I have an old Hendricks bottle that I can decant Asdas own brand if that helps Ann and I found some glasses that came free with petrol under the sink, but I'm sure they are Waterford ..honestly. A couple of special brownies and you won't know the difference! I'm even going to wash the tablecloth (sheet) in your honour.

What? How come Annsixty *gets the Waterford crystal and the very best gin and us poor shcmucks have been drinking left over scrumpy in sometimes empty yoghurt pots? Well! *Menopaws keeps the place "spick and span"? Eh? It was only on Friday that we had to get a jemmy to prise your shoes off the floor Anya. And as for Marydoll "seeing me home after a night of unmentionables".....I can tell you a thing or two about that. I hope annsixty isn't going to try and gentrify us, is she Anya? You know, things like making us wash glasses and cutlery after we used 'em? Or us not being able to stagger into the bar wearing only our pj's or manky dressing gowns? Roses and Marydoll will never cope.

I'll have you know my standards will be higher after my birthday as I will receive an extra 25p each and every week on my OAP and I fully intend to live up to my new status. ?

Oh, I can tell your going to be trouble. Next thing we know, you'll be out joining roses, looking to spend your 25p on her "selfless quest to offer succour and support to our poor sailors in need". Otherwise known as looking for a good time! If you come back here with one of those tattoos likes roses, well have to ban you immediately! I'm going to get my Gordon to keep his eye on you! Ferrets have a good nose for trouble.

Ok I'll use Lidl gin if that satisfies your desire to remain a slob and the floor was only sticky cos I had the night off to attend a very posh summer ball, I can't help it if you all spill 50 percent of all drinks served, shall I show you the mop cupboard? I think Ann will bring a bit of class to the place , anyway I have been looking in the charity shops for a 'new' hat for Ann's festivities and I found one made out of ferret fur, have you seen Gilbert recently Chew?

Menopaws how very dare you!
Don't you dare turn my Gideon into a Davy Crockett hat.

There was a matching pair of ferret fur knickers size XL, that would get the sailors talking Roses, shall I buy them for you?

lol!

You really are spoiling for a fight Menopaws ! can't stop giggling

Annsixty, That was so kind of Anya to invite you to the cafe. I am just back from the gin bar, deep in the bowels of Glasgow Central station. I have been on a mission, trying gins to get you only the best for your special birthday. Hic, hic! . They have over a hundred gins in the bar. Unfortunately, I can't remember much about what I tasted. . I think I will have to go back and have another tasting session.
PS. They have every variety of Fevertree tonic available.
Despite what the others say, I have a very sophisticated palate. The others, on the other hand......
My friend Chewey can't tell the difference between poteen and a good gin. So, all the more of the decent stuff for us

Marydoll don't you go inveigling young Annsixty into your depravity please. Your exploits in all the gin joints, in all the world (geddit?) are nothing to be proud of you know. Just because Annsixty will soon have an extra 25p a week to spend doesn't mean she has to spend it with you getting hammered on gin! She might, as an alternative, like to spend it on getting some new nuts for my Geraldo. His own got squashed recently. best not to ask too much, but it was messy.

Oh yea! So there you are a-sipping of artisan gins Marydoll when I've been slaving over this paint job. Well it's all done now and look really classy if I say so myself. More of a Burgundy 2012 than Putrid Puce

Had a bit of a panic attack attack though. I decided to paint all the doors the same colour as the walls but I'd taken my glasses off cos they were getting splattered with paint and I couldn't find my way out. I was groping around, arms outstretched ??? In the end I had to pour myself a Bloody Mary (but without the tomato juice as I'm now allergic to anything red) and ring the Fire Brigade to let me out.

This is Jo - hope you don't mind Ann I've invited him to your birthday do?

.
I wondered what that squelching noise was!
PS, I managed to extract the recipe for the hash brownies from Roses' sailor friend. I promised him a look at her tattoo in return.She will never notice in her present state.

Blimey Chewbaccy, how much does a nut transplant cost? A bit more than 25p I'd guess, but there again, I don't suppose he really needs 'em any more so a couple of button and a bit of superglue should do it!

Does he have a friend?

The fireman, not Gunther, the ferret.

Who, Geraldo?

You're too kind to that gerbil Ana - I'd staple the buttons on him, never mind superglue ??

Well there's always Enrico Mary - here's the actual photo of my rescue.

Anyway, what do you think of the new décor?

Hate to say it Anya, but you do look a bit gormless in that photo!

As for the décor...shades of Hammer House of Horror springs to mind

Nobody likes the colour, I can tell ?

wanders off in sulk

Cor!! Can Jo bring any mates?
I may be old I am definitely NOT past it. Erm what is IT, I may have let it slip my mind ?