Why do I feel guilty?

Aw thanks Ann for you too as your life is beyond difficult at times and a big hug as well [[[[ ]]]]]x

downtoearth I wish they could be real.
Life seems so unfair and uneven doesn't it?

Having to hand to mouth all my life hasnt enabled any savings robbing peter to pay paul to get by and shaving money off the food bill in Tesco means I can have the odd top but now have to have expensive hotter shoes or clarks as feet are a problem ..often take clothes back as have forgotten some shopping we need

I feel guilty sometimes but not when I spend money on travel or experiences, I buy clothes in charity shops, we downsized and only run car so don't have expensive tastes in other ways but I don't feel guilty writing this from an air b&b in Canada where my husband and I are two and a bit weeks into a holiday which is the best part of a month visiting our daughter who is out here for 15 months and going on a road trip around Quebec province with her. No point in scrimping and saving when the government are likely to take your money!

To clarify my previous statement that I now feel happy to spend money on myself; having now read a post where someone would spend £1-200 (!!) on a pair of shoes I should state that I not talking that sort of money! Totally outwith my experience.

Granny23 lady after my own heart, A bargain makes my week and i am never ashamed to tell the price.

I am not a spender either, but about three weeks ago I decided to treat myself, on Daughters advice, to an expensive (I think) pair of Scholls sandals/slippers, they are lovely to look at, but I havent worn them yet, they are still in the bag, darent tell DD, she cant inderstand why I dont use things right away! I dontknow why either, guilty conscience maybe!

I'm with riverwalk on this one. Enjoy it!!

I can't really relate to this 'urge to splurge' as my great pleasure in life is to get a bargain. I always fancied a big camel coat and now I have one - £5 from an everything £1 or £5 clear out at a Charity Shop. Most of my clothes are the same and when someone admires them I take pride and pleasure in telling them how little they cost me. Everyone is currently remarking favourably on my new wash & go cropped hairstyle. I tell them £10 every 6 weeks at the local barbers. When I admire their hair they tell me, half boasting, half with regret, that their's cost £60+ at a posh salon.

My jams, jellies, chutney,(often sold for charity) fruit crumbles, soups, stews and stirfries are made with our home grown fruit and veg supplemented with a weekly shop in ALDI. I could rave on and on about 'home made from scraps' Doll's Houses, Cushions, garden furniture etc, etc. and the fabulous, 'booked at the last minute, holidays we have had, but you get the drift.

I spashed out and spent £150 (in a sale) on a dress and jacket for my DDs wedding then was disappointed to find that it was Made in Taiwan and lost it's oomph after a couple of wearings. I do have some expensive things, scarves, jewellery, handbags - mainly given to me as presents by my better off sister, but have found that they do not last longer or look better than cheaper alternatives, anyway at my age I don't need things that will last for years and years.

Take pride in your thrift, don't buy into the 'designer label hype' then when you do have the need/urge for a high ticket item you can think how much you have been saving and splash out with a clear conscience.

I'm mean to myself, but not to other people. My husband admonishes me frequently for not spending on myself. He will then go and buy the item I may have wanted which makes me feel terrible! I Can't help it. My parents had very little when I was growing up but always found the money to give to us...maybe I'm doing the same thing!

grannybiy ...it sounds like your husband needs a reality check! Maybe point out to him how life would have been for him I you hadn't moved ....linked to whatever limitations his illness is causing!!

I thin there are hidden guilt messages in the way girls were brought up, about doing things for themselves ("selfish"!!!) as opposed to being kind/ caring / ( at everyone else's beck and call!!!)

I was brought up not to buy things "on tick" - if you couldn't pay cash, you saved up till you could and really appreciated it when you finally got whatever it was. I brought my kids up the same way (now a problem as they have no credit history so mortgages etc are more difficult to get and cost more! - daft!!!)
I remember when I was 23, unmarried and earning a good salary I couldn't decide between 2 dresses - so I bought both! That was so momentous that I still remember both of them 50 years later, and I've never done it since.
I never have a problem spending money on my children - who are now 40, 37 and 32 - or my husband, but I am really mean with myself. I am slowly getting better and my daughter does encourage me to buy clothes I really like. My DH and I are working through our bucket list of places we want to go, but I still choose pay-for-one-passenger-the other-goes-free cruise holidays as I can't bring myself to pay the sums asked for normally. Yes, it stays with you.

I had the same background as a lot of you - father that drinks, spends on himself etc but have managed to spend money wihout feeling guilty. Probably because by the time I was 26 both parents had died. I was freed from their influence at an age when I could alter.

I have friends that can only spend on their GCs.
But they never get thanked for it. Remember you can't take it with you so enjoy your life with the money you have.

I was brought up to be thrifty and can't get away from it. Because of my husband's hard work we are now very well off. I still can't spend money easily. I buy many things in charity shops. I am thrilled to get something for a few £'s but devastated if I've spent a big amount on myself.

I was brought up in poverty - Dad was a drinker and we all suffered because of it. I think that it stays with you , I very rarely spend money on myself and when I do I get a pang of something which doesn't feel very nice ! I am very careful with money although I do give to charity , buy The Big Issue etc etc. The one thing I dislike is buying clothes and have never bought anything designer as I feel is it a total rip off . I do own designer clothes but they are from charity shops so I don`t feel deprived . I really cannot understand people who indulge themselves with all the latest `stuff` but wish I could lighten up a bit and not feel guilty when I buy something which is not a necessity .

So glad I'm not alone! I'm 'crippled' by this affliction. Moved house last year, which cost quite a lot of money. There were good reasons for this, some connected to my husband's illness. Now he thinks it was entirely my idea and has made me feel so guilty. The only things that I have bought myself in over a year are basic toiletries, and that is no exaggeration, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to again. I have lots of old clothes, and shoes, so probably haven't really needed anything - though I' m not just talking about clothes. I still spend money on DD's, DS and DGC. I began suffering from this a few years ago now, not sure why, but it has escalated to an all time high. We're not poverty stricken, but there is also great difficulty in making decisions. An age thing?

I live with guilt about all sorts of things, and especially spending on myself. I grew up with very little, with a father who resented spending anything on anyone but himself, so we grew to be very careful with money. Now I'm comfortable - but by no means rich! - and my daughter has a large family and very little money. I feel so guilty spending on myself when she needs things more than I do, so I end up giving her money. I must stop this guilt and tell myself I've been through a lot and deserve to spoil myself sometimes, but it's easier said than done!

Stansgran, buying a new ipad would not be trivial to me. Like you I adore my ipad and I won it in a gransnet competition and I know if it broke I would have to buy a new one but maybe a cheaper tablet. I can afford an ipad but others seem to manage well with other makes.

I am the same? I buy my clothes from Tesco occasionally marks. We have enough money but didn't when growing up so just can't go into designer shops.

You are in a habit of being thrifty which is a very good thing! You just need to realise that some things that were yesterday's luxuries are today's essentials. You laptop is your connection to the world. Something your parents would not have known. I got a new computer as my old one's fan/motherboard could not cope with my software and the repairs were getting costly.

It's fun searching out bargains... it brings almost as much pleasure as getting a decent product vs a mediocre one. Am arguing/bargaining with my mobile phone provider right now. They pestered me to get something new, then it never arrived due to their error, so after apologising, they are offering me something else but it will be a bit more. Unh-unh, sunshine... I want what was offered and at that price.

We have lost a number of friends and relatives lately, sometimes very suddenly. It does make you value every day and also realise that as long as we are sensible, we can afford to enjoy ourselves while we are able. We have holidays booked through to next January! Also have a new motto - life is too short to drink bad wine!

A laptop is an essential for keeping in touch with people and being able to manage all sorts of things, a telly box is nice to have. You are not alive to punish yourself you are alive to know joy.

I use my lap top to keep me independant. I very rarely need to post a letter, I can order shopping and other things and get them delivered, do all the leg work for other purchases without leaving the house, it is a boon when my mobility is so poor.

Invest in yourself duckie you deserve it.

i have no guilt whatsoever about spending money on myself! i just wish i had the money to spend!!
at the moment the money that my daughter gives me for "rent and stuff" for herself and my two grandaughters is going towards renovating things in the garden - new fences, new shed and a few other things. when that's done [and it's going to take a good few months] i'll put that money towards doing things indoors which are needed as well.
however, i do find a few £s to treat myself to a few things now and again even if i have to shave something off the shopping list.
and i've found that doing online surveys for different companies give me a little bit more "pin money" - £5 voucher for m&s here, £25 voucher for amazon there. i'm currently waiting for a £50 cheque from one survey company [the save all your little rewards until you've got this amount] and i've already decided where this will go. one other survey company bought my new steam mop too.
please don't feel guilty about spending money on yourself after all, you're the most important person in your life!

I came from a family which had little money to splurge. When my mother was with my father he made her work as well as him and she paid the bills while he saved capital for himself. When she left him she had to have two jobs to support my sister and myself. It all left a mark. Then when I married my DH came from a family where his mother was acutely controlling with money and so he is careful too.

Therefore we are savers and not spenders. I still have massive anxiety attacks when I spend a large sum on myself, for example, for a coat. I also have 'buyer's remorse' and take things back a lot.

It's crazy as we are not badly off now.

However, I remember my MIL saying to me once, 'It's not that I have to spend money on things to make myself feel good. It's being able to if I want to. If I feel that "I can if I want" I don't actually have to spend the money.' That stuck with me and seemed quite a good philosophy.

So I am a mixture of 'Can't spend/won't spend.'