Why do we do and say nothing - is it a "British" thing?

My partner tells a similar story of shopping with his youngest. He walked away , and she was surrounded by women trying to stop her tantrum. As soon as she realised Dad wasn't in the group, she stopped and went after him.

Is it still possible to make a citizens arrest? It that something we could do and then ring the police to report it? I know we would take person risks doing so.

If a father can behave so abusively towards a four year old in public, what happens at home, or out of sight?

I would advise walking away too. When the child understands that it cannot manipulate you it will soon stop crying. You have to show them you are in charge not them. I do not like what this man did though. Totally wrong. Very sad to treat a 4yr old like that.

I was also put in a similar situation. Walking out of a pre-school building this woman was tugging a little girl who was crying and sobbing. She had forgotten her doll. Her Mother said 'That will teach you not to forget your things. She can stay in the dark all night!'. So cruel I thought but of course I just glared and didn't do a thing about it. Coward that I am.

i think it's unfortunate when someone posts a totally different problem within a thread as it all gets jumbled up with who is answering what
Wouldn't it have been better to start your own thread Quee?

quee27 Your grandson or your son should pay for the damage. If your grandson is not working then your son should pay for it he is responsible for him. Maybe your grandson got the keys from your son's house if presumably he has a key to your house, and I can't believe he is washing his hands of the situation.

calling him a "little jerk" (he sounded American)

Could have been Canadian!

I once walked away from a screaming daughter into the next aisle. her sister got worried we would loose her until I pointed out everyone in the shop knew exactly where she was!! The one screaming must have heard as she soon stopped and came looking for us.

My daughter and I witnessed a woman slap her child so hard he fell down. We reported the incident but were told there was nothing that could be done as there was no evidence. We did not intervene (neither did anyone else in a busy area of Ikea) and I regret it to this day. I wish at least I'd run across to pick the child up.

That does sound bad on the face of it. But you say yourself you didn't see the whole incident and have no way of knowing whether the account of the woman who spoke to you was correct. The shouting could well have been a one off after a very stressful flight. Nobody's perfect.

I remember having to dump my shopping bags on the pavement to wrestle a screaming, sobbing, kicking two year old off the floor and haul him under my arm along the street under the icy scrutiny of a disapproving woman who stood still to glare at me. Two minutes later he was happily settled in front of a Thomas the Tank Engine video as if nothing had happened.

quee I hope you took photos. Change your locks. Send him a bill for the damage and the locks.
Follow it through with a summons if necessary, you can do it online.

To return to the main post - it's my understanding that any places which are "public" have a duty of care to children (and others). I agree with Vampirequeen - I'd ask airport staff to ensure that security staff intervened, in order to protect the child from assault. There are surely plenty of security staff available in airports, these days.

I remember your post luckygirl it played on my mind for days. No real advise to offer as I would be upset as well, but knowing my character I think I would have bent down and spoke to the little chap. I know maybe it would make matters worse but at least he would know someone cared or I would have said something to the mother about standing there allowing it to happen. But that's just me nannyg we are all different. Don't beat yourself up there is nothing you could have done it's just upsetting that you witnessed it.

It is difficult to hold back sometimes. Last flight we had, a 4ish year old was kicking the back of my seat. Mum told him off, but he kept on doing it. Then she and her other half ignored him. After about 10 mins I turned around to him and asked him please to stop. Then the man threw a complete wobbly and started shouting at me for "telling off my child".

Children having tantrums is part of everyday life, how you cope can be half the battle. When GD went into meltdown in a garden centre shop I left her on the floor, where she had flung herself, and turned my back and stood there. I could see her out of the corner of my eye and she kept looking up to see if I was paying attention, after a while she got bored and jumped up much to the amusement of a father nearby. The man commented "you've done that before" and laughed.

He's 18 so an adult. However I'm appalled that his father refuses to be involved.
Surely he effectively broke into your house so he could be told that it will be a police matter.
Don't just accept this dreadful treatment.

Quee27, that's completely unacceptable. I agree with the person who said, 'Send him the bill.' Actions like that cannot be without consequences. It will be very bad for the young man if he is allowed to get away with it.

Quee27, I would be absolutely furious if a young adult did that in my home, and would tell him he had to pay for the damage that was caused. He is not a child, although he is acting like one by refusing to see you. Don't let him get away with it, he let strangers into your home, and they caused a lot of damage. Insufferable behaviour, and he must not be allowed to get away with it.

quee27 - there is no reason why you should not give him hell and send him the bill for the repairs.

There are usually a lot of police and security around at airports. It is a shame that they didn't say something to him. Ordinary members of the public doing so would only make things worse but people like that are often cowards when dealing with authority.

I always worry about what a person would do to a child in private if they'll do that sort of thing in public. I agree that we all got to the end of our tethers on occasions, but I never assaulted either of my children.

I'm sure many of us must have reached the end of our tether when we had small children,no sleep and added stress ,its wrong to judge someone on one incident .Good to know there are so many perfect mums here though,who NEVER lost their patience with their children .Oh to be so perfect...

I recently took my granddaughter to Italy to see her grandfather. On my return I found my 18 year old grandson had obtained the keys to my house and had invited his friends round for a party unbeknown to any member of the family. His 'guests' all stayed the night and all my beds were used. The upset and destruction was considerable, including ruined windowsills and carpets with cigarette burns. My son, his father, has told me that the matter is between me and my grandson who is refusing to see me. My other son says he cannot say anything because he did a similar thing when he was his age. I feel totally abandoned and upset that my grandson will suffer no consequences for his actions. I feel that my grandson will learn nothing from his actions if he is allowed to just shrug them off!!

Best not to further enrage a spiteful parent........but the urge to clip his ankle with a heavy suitcase must be irresistable.

I posted about a similar situation on a bus a few months ago. I too was torn between saying something and fearing that I might make things worse. In this case it was psychological goading - mother telling the child how evil she was and goading and goading until she got her reward of making the child (who had done nothing wrong) cry.

I am not sure whether it is a British thing or whether people in this situation are faced with the dilemma of what to do for the best outcome.