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What's normal?

(43 Posts)
Luckygirl Tue 16-May-17 10:27:44

There is no normal. This desire to compare one's sex life with that of others seems a bit odd to me. What is right for you is right for you; and if it is not right for you and you mind about it, then action is possible. It matters not one whit what everyone else is or isn't doing.

newnanny Tue 16-May-17 10:20:54

My sex drive is non-existent since hitting menopause however I am aware DH still has his needs. I have appointment for clinic in June to consider HRT which I believe should revive my sex drive. I am just so tired even with a nap some days I still go to bed at 10 and fall asleep almost instantly. I work 2 days each week and have to make a real effort to get up and go in. On those days I come home and have a nap. My thyroid is under active but I am on medication however since that went I have never been as alert. I am 55 and only now have sex about once every 2 weeks. I am hoping HRT will bring my libido back.

damewithaname Tue 16-May-17 10:14:15

Remember that when you have sex regularly, you will be less tired and crave more sex. Get to the train ride and don't stop going ?

Morgana Tue 16-May-17 09:59:54

There are other sorts of closeness
But I still think it's a shame that proper sex is no longer possible now that we r retired and have more time and privacy.

bluebellwoods Tue 16-May-17 08:59:18

They say the more you have the more you want and the less you have the less you need!!!

annsixty Tue 16-May-17 08:56:46

Use it or lose it.
I was forced into losing it, it wasn't by choice.

Teetime Tue 16-May-17 08:51:53

Yes I agree there is no normal but there is a comfortable place couples get to for them and its specific and special to them. I do think though sometimes you have to make the effort, its easy to get lazy about it - I'll get told off for that but I'm remembering Dr Ruth it was one of her cautions. We're still on weekly more or less.

vampirequeen Tue 16-May-17 08:44:46

Once a month for 40s and 50s. Surely it gets better for a lot of couples once they retire.

You've spent most of your life being exhausted by children and work. Now is the time to swing from the chandeliers and jump off the top of the wardrobe grin

Anniebach Mon 15-May-17 22:54:04

No problem for me, been a widow for so long I am a born again virgin grin

BlueBelle Mon 15-May-17 22:23:05

Sex ....what's that

Barmyoldbat Mon 15-May-17 22:07:56

The thought is there with both of us but tiredness just gets in the way. Have found a different position that makes it a lot less tiring for both of us and yet still as good. my oh often says give us a hug and that means a lot to me.

weeme56 Mon 15-May-17 20:03:29

I am 60..I miss my sex drive! My Libido was waining before, but Breast Cancer treatment 2012 pushed me into full blown Meno and 4 yrs on I am so fatigued and really...just not hungry!OH has issues with it, still wants to 'make love' often. I have had 7 reconstruction surgeries, more to come due to problems. OH has no issue with my 'boobs' etc.. things were stressful between us before the BC and I think never really resolved..i just went into auto pilot..now I miss me, the fun the flirts the anticipation...just can't muster it up! sad

ninathenana Mon 15-May-17 12:39:39

smile ok. I just thought that needed clarifying.
I agree there often comes a time when full sex isn't possible for whatever reason.

samsgran Mon 15-May-17 12:27:52

ninathenana I think there are a lot of things that can get in the way of that or make it more difficult, I was more thinking sexual intimacy

ninathenana Mon 15-May-17 12:12:58

Agreed Nfk
Also sex has many forms. Are you talking just about full penetrative sex ?

grannylyn65 Mon 15-May-17 12:10:39

Chance be a fine thing!!!

NfkDumpling Mon 15-May-17 12:08:49

I don't think there's any such thing as normal. Normal is what's right for you. Surely something like sex should be spontaneous and vary according to inclination? Not like it's the first of the month so it's sex night! Although when the moon is full ...!

samsgran Mon 15-May-17 11:25:17

I wouldn't say that me and DH are having as much sex as I thought we would now we're alone. I think having had children, who still come to stay a lot at weekends and now our DGC who we look after a fair bit, whilst still working both of us part time, we're just too tired. In an ideal word I think we would both like to have sex on a more regular basis but it just doesn't happen.

I read this article (www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/50s-having-sex-ever/) which says that once a month is normal for people in their 40s and 50s. I'd say that's probably quite accurate for us, we do try to make an effort, but I still thought it would be more. Maybe when we're both retired completely - we're both in our late 50s.

I would really like to know what is normal for other people and if you think I'm maybe expecting too much of myself and DH. Thank you