Estranged daughter's wedding

My own children also had to cope with a similar situation which is why I know, that during such a stressful time for the bride, it is easy to become upset by all the 'extra' players in a modern wedding. It was so much easier for most of us the first time around. No judgment, just a very simple fact.

I agree Iam64. Good post

The present is your husband's skill in taking the photographs, it will save her several hundred pounds, do give her a photo album, of your choosing and at a price within your budget, maybe throw in a pack of photo paper so she can print some of the photos. If she doesn't like it it just shows how ungrateful she is and you should not upset yourselves over her.

she's his daughter for gods sake ,most fathers are only to delighted to help pay for the whole wedding ,all she 's asking is a few hours of his time and an album that will cost a couple of hundred. pounds at most ,if he's been taking photographs for a long time and being paid for it then he must know all the best places to get albums at trade prices .Think there are definately faults on Dads side here ,he needs to step up to the plate and show he wannts to be at her wedding and do his best for her.I would hate to think my daughter had a dad who would act like this over her wedding

"It's now a very delicate situation. He's hoping that by taking the photos the door will stay open and the relationship can be rebuilt. That said we can't afford the gift she wants and don't want it to sour the future possibilities."

I hear you Vampirequeen but I still think that you are setting yourselves for further disappointment. I am quite frankly surprised by some of the suggestions here that a £5-£20 price range is a suitable wedding present from three people (yourself and the two half siblings). The question remains: is this what you have in mind for the half-siblings weddings?
I can see why you wouldn't put in as much effort for an estranged daughter's wedding as you would for the children who have shown more consideration through the years, but a £20 present is a slap in the face.
A leather wedding album can be bought for £50-£90. Add about £25 for printing 100 photos, that is £75-£115. You will have the added bonus that each time she picks that album up she will think of just who gave it to her.

Nowadays fathers are not expected to "pay for the whole wedding" paddyann, these young people are described by OP as "having everything they need in their house". She does not want her father to take the traditional role you might expect in the ceremony and tried to impose conditions on inviting her half siblings. It sounds a bit calculating. But I must be out of touch -when did an album cost "hundreds of pounds" and why should it cost so much?
There needs to be a rational compromise somewhere or this will generate more bad feeling for the future.
£50 or so, depending on size, would buy a silver frame from Debenhams or John Lewis and with her favourite print from the wedding in it would be a perfectly acceptable present.

For those who are suggesting that a few hundred pounds should be spent on the album/gifts - why are you rubbing Vampire's nose in it? She has said that they live on benefits and obviously can't afford it!

And you need to to read her posts properly - she has also said more than once that her DH is not a professional photographer and doesn't make money, he's just a talented amateur.

Thanks Riverwalk and others for telling it like it is.

Thanks Riverwalk.

I have to admit that when I asked for ideas for a wedding present I didn't realise it would become so contentious and tbh upsetting.

I think I'd like this thread to stop now.

Thank you to everyone who suggested ideas.

Where is that edit button? I mean, of course, confirming that those of us who have read vampire's other posts remember they are on a fixed income from benefits due to ill health. To MawBroon for reminding us that it isn't usual for the father of the bride to pay for the wedding.
Most young couples have lived together for a significant period before marrying, many have already got a mortgage and all the toasters and towels they need. They don't expect their parents to pay for the wedding and in my experience are delighted if a financial gift or contribution to the wedding is made by their parents.

So many judgmental posts and many from newcomers who know nothing about vq . Those of us longer members have read her posts over the years and have some understanding of her life.
She has said they are on benefits, I am sure every penny is accounted for and asking if they are contributing towards the cost or criticising for not providing an expensive gift is rude beyond belief.
A couple in their thirties who have lived together for years should be paying for their own wedding and doing it according to their own means and not expect someone else to help out or expect expensive gifts.
In times gone by a young couple starting out in life in general and life together had nothing and wedding presents usually very modest, certainly in our case, helped with setting up a home and were mostly practical.
The modern trend to ask for guests to pay for excessive honeymoons is a step too far.
My D went to a family wedding a few years ago when the least expensive present on the gift list was a gravy boat, part of the dinner service the couple wanted, was £95.
Moan over but please think before you post, we are all in very different circumstances.

Sorry vampire - x posted with you. Look after yourself x

I am sorry it has descended into something which has upset you vampirequeen and I hope you can arrive at a solution which pleases you all (although not holding my breath)
Just one contribution from me, when DD1 got married, Paw had been forced to give up work because of urgent bowel surgery and Lymphoma. He had no income or sick pay (as a contractor) and was not old enough to claim any sort of pension . We would dearly have loved to make a contribution to the wedding, the flowers perhaps, but DD and SIL to be were much better off than either set of parents so we and the in laws gave a token present. They bought them a big barbecue, we bought a teak bench. It was the gesture. At DD2's wedding the cake was a gift from her sister, this time we were in a position to offer to pay for the wine (they did a trip to France to keep costs down) At DD3's wedding, the photography was a gift from a friend, the flowers (done at cost) a gift from another. I bought the bride's shoes!
The old days of massive financial input from parents are an anachronism. I am so sorry the bride is taking this attitude, as a wedding should be about relationships not a mercenary business. She is jolly lucky that you are making such an effort to handle the issue so sensitively.

I too am sorry that I posted while vq's request was made .

I know you want to end the thread vampirequeen but I just wanted to send you love.

Wise posts from annsixty and Maw. I lost track of this thread for a while and was horrified at some of the judgemental posts which made assumptions about vq and her OH. It was clear that some posters hadn't read either the OP or vq's subsequent posts. There is no excuse for tactless insensitivity.

It sounds like the daughter has accepted all caveats, she has accepted she can't have the printed album, she has accepted she needs to invite the whole family to the wedding. What more is wrong? I wouldn't buy an empty frame, because it might come over like a dig over the album - too related an object. Buy something unrelated that can't have any hidden jibe inferred, such as an ornament. Get it from a charity shop if you can't afford new. No one ever likes the ornaments they are given and we all have to find ways of disposing of these gifts, but at least you won't be empty handed

As for someone asking why she's suddenly decided to make contact now? It's actually very common to take a major event such as birth, terminal illness, or a marriage to make one reassess relationships. This was just the opportunity you all needed to make contact again.

Making contact again is great, and their decision to marry after living together for some time is good news, but expecting Mr & Mrs VQ to suddenly make large financial contributions and the happy pair are aware that they are very hard-up is not so good.

Perhaps they were under the impression that VQ and OH were wealthier than they are - now that they know the truth expectations may become nearer to reality and the new accord may continue happily.

My son and his now wife had friends do their photos, both are very good photographers with all the gear. They then just had memory sticks with all the photos on. Mothers Day after they got married I had a book made by the new DIL of a selection of photos from the wedding. She also did one for her mum. I think they got it done from Tesco but it was a really nice small book that could be carried around in my bag if I want. They can also copy off or send to people whatever photos they want. Your husbands time and the fact that he will do a DVD or two should be more than enough as a wedding present to them along with a token gesture like a nice bottle of wine to see them off on their honeymoon should be more than enough

The only downside of digital photo frames is that you have to be very careful how you site them as they need to be viewed directly front on. So a site that looks good when you are standing up will not work when sitting.

More to this story then. Your initial post didn't make sense in the whole scheme of things and still doesn't.

Just how large is your wooden spoon stillalive let it go.

What do you mean ann? was responding to the OP's post to me if that's ok with you.

Please STOP! STOP! STOP! useless, unhelpful, antagonistic posts on this thread. vampirequeen has requested, to bring this to an end. Don't usually stick my head above the parapets, but now getting wee weed off BIGTIME !

We are here to help and support each other!