Think Norah's idea is a very good one! saak why would you make a comment like that, there must be a reason 
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Estranged daughter's wedding
(79 Posts)DH's daughter hasn't bothered with him for over seven years then a few months ago she contacted him out of the blue to tell him she was getting married.
That's nice. I hear you saying. But there was an ulterior motive. She doesn't want DH to give her away but as he is a very good photographer she wants him to take her wedding photos (for free of course). Of course he agreed but drew the line when she said she wanted him to put them on a dvd then print off the ones she likes the best and put them in an album for her (again for free). He's simply going to put them on a dvd.
He said that he would do it as long as me and the two youngest children (her half brother and sister) are invited as they spend every weekend with us. She agreed then said well we could go to the reception but not the wedding. DH said there was no way he was leaving us sitting in the van so she reluctantly agreed that we could attend the ceremony.
The wedding is upon us and we still haven't bought them a present because, tbh, we don't know what to give them. She and her partner already live together so have everything they need in their house. We considered a photo album but DH said he knows from experience that she would want a really expensive one.
I'm thinking that a photo frame might be OK. Any other ideas?
If you put all the photographs on a memory card, you could make them a present of a digital photo frame - variations available on you-know-who. Then she could watch pictures of her wedding ad nauseam and entertain bore visitors with a display. She could also print off copies to send to her relatives to remind them of the occasion or put it on a Christmas card. A fancy album will end up gathering dust - take my word for it!
I have a photo frame which digitally runs a selection of pics.....not an expensive thing but rather lovely and you can load masses of pics onto it.
A decent photographer can cost £1000 especially in spring/summer when they get very booked up, him doing the job is a massive gift and in intimate one too. She is a lucky girl.
I like radicalnan's suggestion of the digital frame - I have one in the hall with hundreds of family photos on it, including of my late DH. It has a sensor so only switches on when it detects movement. It's good to see a different photo every time I go past. I got it online and it wasn't hugely expensive.
A close family friend on a low income is a professional florist. His wedding present to DD was to do all the floristry. I paid for all the flowers which he got at cost. The church complete with arch around the door, large marquee with floral chandeliers and magnificent thoughtfully constructed table arrangements so people could talk above or below them, superb bouquets and hair flowers looked the magnificent but country wedding that she wanted. We can never forget this
very generous gift, the vision still stays with us 14 years later. So the generous gift of photography and disc will last forever. He will be so busy taking photos to be able to relax at his daughter's wedding. Dont let her turn her nose up at your simpler version and let someone else buy the expensive album.
The memory card/ digital frame seem like excellent ideas. Don't stress over this vampirequeen your husband's daughter is lucky to have your help and I'm sure the day will go well. Buy your gift then relax and enjoy the day .
Saak your comments were unnecessary and hurtful.
Am so pleased that daughter has found a reason to contact her dad again. Having been there, and having a close friend who's been there I know this is a big deal. Google 'personalised photo album'. You can put a beautiful album together for much less than it was a few years ago (there are some great deals out there for first timers. Travelzoo sent me a brilliant offer last week). And they really are lovely. Good luck to all of you
Hello VQ. Interesting topic indeed and I am so pleased your husband and his daughter have reunited irrespective of circumstances. I tried to put myself in your place regarding the 'conditional' invitation and personally would have neither desire or intention of attending. Do you two youngest children even know the bride to be? As for gift....... the photographic services in their entirety would be all from me. NOTHING else.
Don't give up commenting, stillaliveandkicking
No contact for 7 years, then only contacting because she wants a very generous freebie as she doesn't want her dad to even give her away and doesn't want her dad's family to come to the wedding. I would have just suggested that her dad did the photography if he wanted to and left it at that. I wouldn't have wanted to attend her wedding and certainly wouldn't be getting an additional gift.
Vampirequeen, your DH has a daughter. She is getting married. I do realize she has not bothered with him for seven years but she is still his daughter. Has he never considerd this day would come? Are you planning on any gifts or perhaps help pay for the wedding for your common children? I am not trying to be confrontational, the questions are just to put things in perspective.
The daughter has invited her father and you to the wedding. Yes he will take the photographs but in exchange she now has to accomodate another two people, her half siblings. How well do they know each other? What is the cost for her of having two additional guests? Once again not trying to be confrontational, just adding a little perspective. Strained finances on top of a strained relationship is a difficult combination, but this is a once in a life time event and any disappointments or disagreements here will stay with all of you for life. You and DH have already made your point that you will nto part with your children whom you see every weekend for one weekend which is very special for her. Since now the half siblings are also invited they are also supposed to bring a present. Perhaps everybody could pitch in and get her that photoalbum?
A door has been opened irrespective of circumstances, I think VQ is supporting her husband in this.
If nothing comes of it after the wedding then at least they tried to mend fences.
quizqueen there is a better way of getting a point across than being so harsh to someone who is clearly quite vulnerable at present.
Maybe your SD isn't so much an opportunist as much as feeling the need to have an excuse to make contact with her Dad on this occasion. Can your husband offer to do Pre-Wedding photo's with your SD and her fiancé? Then you can print one off and put it in the Photo Frame.
I don't know whether you have a smartphone but if you do there is an app called Freephotos where you get up to 45 prints free per month and you only pay for postage (max £3.99). The photos are good quality 5'x7' and you can buy a little cardboard box to store them in which is quite nice. Alternatively they have another app which you can do photobooks on for the cost of postage.
Good luck and I hope you enjoy the wedding.
We don't know the reason for the estrangement, but irrespective of that, her dad has another family now, perhaps she felt sidelined whatever age she is. She has made the first move and she has to accommodate her step siblings who she does not know, all a lot of expense, that is a big gesture. How would you want your children treated if years down the line, you were the ex wife and it was your children? I would get her a gift voucher, not a frame or anything, she will want to choose her own. So spend as much as you can afford, be generous, show her you all care for her.
Just looked on Amazon and there is a digital photo frame 7 inch with 4/5 star rating and over 1000 reviews. Sold by Kitvision. Cost 18.99. It is the smallest size but easy for the couple to carry around and show of their photos and keep you on their minds and hopefully appreciate DH good work.
I am bearing in mind you are on benefits so money is tight but you might have to pay more than that for a blank picture frame. I do agree just doing the photos is present enough but understand you want to give a wedding present and as others suggest this would be very appropriate.
I hope all goes well and enjoy the day. Just keep smiling.
Sounds to me as though your OH is already going more than the extra mile for a long-estranged daughter who suddenly sees him as no more than a way to save a significant amount of money. Wedding photography packages ... even basic ones.. can run into hundreds of pounds.Under such circumstances, if I was to offer any present at all, I'd limit it to a bottle of bubbly... and nothing too fancy at that...
Two issues, really - cost of photography and family relationships.
We got married 7 years ago, quite spur of the moment after several years together, and I booked a photographer on the day, for £750.00 who provided wonderful, lovely photos, a website, and a dvd for us. She left part way through the reception, as agreed, to pick her daughter up from nursery. Had she been prebooked for a Saturday, she would have included pre wedding photos and cost £3,000.00 +.
The photography for the day is generous, and perhaps one of the photo books for £20.00 or so - with a promise to provide in the card.
The relationship part is more difficult, but the wedding day is for the daughter. And everyone else needs to be courteous and thoughtful. We none of us really know why she and her father haven't really communicated in several years and, as I was told many years ago, it takes two to tango. Hopefully, the wedding will bring a new and positive note to their relationship and also to yours. ?
Vampirequeen. I feel indignant on behalf of you and your husband for the casual way it seems she is doing this. It would appear ( excuse me if I am wrong here) that this has,nt been done via an official invitation but because she wants her dad to do this for free. As you say she has,nt bothered with him for over seven years and now expects him to agree to her wishes. I think she has a damn cheek. You were expected to sit outside in the van during the ceremony and then she reluctantly agreed to you attending the ceremony only when he refused to allow this. Under the circumstances I think she should be grateful for him doing the disc only. I would let her know before the wedding that disc will be your wedding gift to her. No explanations needed.She obviously knows what she would have to pay if she was employing a professional photographer. Just send a nice card and good wishes. You don,t need to discuss your reasons with her .
A digital photoframe. Genius idea...thank you.
DH and I have only been married for 6 six years. The half brother and sister are my step children too. The adult daughter knew her half siblings and their mother (DH's previous partner) very well. Contact with her half siblings only broke down when she fell out with their mother.
That was a separate occasion to her falling out with her father btw.
Poor girl, it sounds as though she's having to cope with a plethora of ex and current wives and step brothers and sisters in order to plan the most important day of her life. Gone are the days when your father was your sensible, steadfast rock and also paid for your wedding! How sad.
The 'poor girl' is a grown woman in her thirties. There is not 'a plethora of ex and current wives' or 'step brothers and sisters'.
Her father was there for her until she chose to break contact and even then he tried to keep the door open by sending a hello text each month in the hope that she would respond. For those of you who may feel that once a month isn't enough...it was so that she knew he was still thinking of her without making her feel as if he was nagging her. Don't assume that all men are happy to walk away from their children.
It's now a very delicate situation. He's hoping that by taking the photos the door will stay open and the relationship can be rebuilt. That said we can't afford the gift she wants and don't want it to sour the future possibilities.
The younger half siblings and myself were invited to the wedding. DH didn't insist. However when, at a later date, she decided that she only wanted us at the reception and suggested we sit in the van whilst the wedding and formal photos actually took place my DH did tell her that was not going to happen.
It seems that some people feel that it's OK to make and voice negative assumptions based on very little information.
I would buy a book on good manners, what a cheek.
We recently paid 1000 for a wedding videographer who gives two DVD s. And 700 for a photographer for the photos on a memory stick only. So that is a very good gift anyway. U could tell her to pick one favourite photo, get it put on a canvas or a lovely frame and you ve done well by her.
I'd go with the digital photo frame with the wedding pics on. We have an old one which takes a memory stick and put our latest holiday pictures on it. She can always change the pictures at a later date when the wedding ones start to loose appeal, a constant reminder of her dad. A wedding album will soon end up at the bottom of a cupboard.
Just make sure you get a photo of your DH with the wedding party and if possible one with the two of them together. With DH behind the camera he might find himself left out of the picture!
Sorry to be rude Vampire queen, but she sounds like a selfish c-w to me.
I don't know why you are even bothering to debate the present giving situation.
If she couldn't be bothered with her father for so long, why are you?
Seems like a bloody cheek to me.
vampire queen, it's easy to either say you should do more, or your husband's daughter is selfish. It's clear from your previous posts on gransnet that you and your husband work hard to make sure your family's relationships are valued and nurtured. It isn't helpful for posters to make comments about how hard it is to cope with "a plethora" of different relationships. It's the reality for many many families now. It's something we may all have to cope with, whether we want to or not.
Hope it goes as well as it can.
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