Feeling stressed moving on

I agree with lots of the comments here. Trained as a counsellor, we learnt that anything which means something to you and then goes is a bereavement. Losing a leg, a 'precious to you' handbag, a pet and even moving from what you know are all extreme losses. While we might feel less likely to mentioning our hurt over these losses, the pain is real. Speak to a stranger about it, someone in the tea shop, when you're out walking the dog, someone on the bus etc.. They won't be judgemental and you should feel a lot better for it. But be prepared to hear what's happening for them and do them the same service.

What lovely posts everyone, kind & helpful for all

Hope you are feeling more up-beat today Irene the sun is shinning, the birds are singing, so get out there and enjoy

Good luck, Irene, but realise you have started to beat it by sharing it with us. Try to get out of the house, walk in the park, walk round M&S whatever by a certain time every day. I used to deliberately run out of cat food so I had to get dressed and go out. Spend a couple of hours (decide before, 2 or 3 hrs) at the same time of day, every day, packing, going to tip etc, then reward yourself with social media, a book, a film, whatever you actually like to do. Good luck, we have confidence in you.

Couldn't read this then pass on without sending you a big hug.
You will get through this.

Irene2108 I am really sorry you are feeling so sad and anxious. I think it is quite understandable - I'm sure I would feel the same. To leave a once-loved home in rather sad circumstances is challenging and, I expect, a bit frightening.

As others have said, I think you need to be able to talk this through with somebody. I'm sure that, however busy your family and friends are and however much they have to cope with, they would want to know you are at a low ebb at the moment and need a little bit of support. If you really feel you can't talk to them about this, then, as others have said, please see your GP who may possibly suggest a few counselling sessions. Counselling can be very helpful in allowing you to let out all your fears and feelings without worrying about the impact it is having on a friend or relative.

I hope you soon feel better and can set out for your new life having discarded any sad thoughts but taking only your happy memories with you. There have been many examples on Gransnet of people who have felt like you after a divorce but who now have lives that are very much happier and more fulfilled than previously. Good luck and all the best for the future.

As has already been said, it's not just a house you're selling, it's a home where you spent your married life, which you are now leaving at the same time as you are divorcing. Such stressful times, believe me, as I know only too well from my own experience. No surprise that you're feeling depressed and sometimes panicky under these circumstances. But rest assured, "this too will pass", and with time, patience and the right support, you will come through this. Lean on your family and friends, and don't pretend that "I'm fine" when you're not.Take all the help you can get... You'll get there..

Don't be so hard on yourself and stuff 'big girl pants'. No doubt you've pulled those on a lot over the last few years, but this is obviously very hard for you.

I'd also recommend counselling - if you mention to your GP that you think you are depressed, there may be local services you can access. It gives you one point in the week where you can talk about you, without needing to put a brave face on things, and that can be really helpful in starting to look ahead more positively.

Good luck x

Hi Irene . I am going through an enforced house move and have been feeling like you do about the move. I e found everyone's comments on here very encouraging and helpful. I have the chance to move right away to the other end of the country and would be near one of my beautiful daughters and her little family so I would be more a part of their lives. However I know this will sound strange but I'm worried about leaving my friends here and all of them are jumping up and down telling me not to do it so I would welcome the opinion of others on this site. I really identify with the grief over losing the house as it has been my home.

Reading your post was like reliving my past past.
Every detail the same the feelings of panic and sadness just so overwhelming and a incredible feeling of fear.
Divorce and being alone after 32 years of marriage was beyond anything i ever envisaged.
Now 3 years on im in MY home building happy memories and feeling very proud in what i have acheived total independance and tranquilty
You to can do it just little steps taken and life will be good again Irene
take care

As has already been said Irene moving because of your divorce symbolises the end of a relationship, the end to plans that you'd made for the future, the end of the vision that you had for the rest of your life.

I hope that you'll be able to see your move as a positive. A fresh start, a new chapter in your life and a blank page for you to write all the lovely memories you've yet to make.

Good luck

Irene big }}}HUGS{{{ from me, you have the same name as my dear mum. Good luck with the move, I'm afraid of moving too! I had the same terrible emotions when I lost my m&d and then when I lost my DD&GC through estrangement, it feels awful, I took St.John's Wort and it definitely took the edge off, 'Kalms, one a night' if you can't sleep.

Irene2108 I am so pleased to hear you are feeling more positive and that you have been able to take some of the steps Op's advised. It's not easy to seek support, sometimes, but if you are able to, it's there, sometimes from surprising quarters. So, Irene, "onwards and upwards". Take care [flowers.]

Rhi Irene, happy to hear you are feeling more positive. I have been in the same situation, yes it is stressful but there are positives to it. The biggest one for me was the complete freedom, I could decorate my new house however I wanted. The garden was all mine to do as I wanted and yes I made mistakes but they were mine! life can be good after divorce once you are over the grieving, you have a supportive family who probably lean on you at times, so do the same that's what family and friends are for and do. I was happy single with two children for over 10 years, gave myself to get back to the real me and now I have another life with a wonderful man. Enjoy yourself and relax.

Thankyou to everyone who has taken time to post a reply. I read a lot of GN posts and mainly I see great advice and kindness but sometimes think "oooh, that's a bit harsh" with some replies. I had to post to release some emotion but was, in my depressed state, expecting some harsh or sharp responses myself, telling me to man up and get over myself (and my house)!
It really shows that talking to and reaching out to people, family, friends, in whatever form, does help enormously. I also spoke at length to my son who was also happy to listen. I am a friendly and hopefully kind and thoughtful person who loves helping others, for some twisted reason I somehow didn't feel this would be extended to me in return and no one would want to be burdened with my problems. I am so wrong, people like to help people whether strangers, family or friends. Thanks again for your valued support and kindness xx

Very happy to hear the latest, especially the kindness from your daughter. Thanks for letting us all know, best wishes.

I'm with annsixty all the way Irene2108. I'm so glad you came on here and felt helped and supported by that. You have made such a positive start so well done you. All the very best.

Thank you for replying and keeping us in your loop, posters don't always do this.
So pleased you sound more positive and that your D is listening and helping. We can be our own worst enemy, I know I have been there in a different situation.
Keep positive and take all the help you can, you are lucky with your GP.
We are always here to listen and help even though you may not agree but our hearts are mostly in the right place.
Love and best wishes to you, we all need it.

Hi Irene2108 I know it must be very difficult for you but I'm sure you will be happy again, everything happens for a reason and in my life all the 'bad things' that have happened have actually turned out for the best. Sending you lots of hugs

So pleased your fast action has brought the positive results you feared wouldn't happen already. Think about taking your time over finding a new place - maybe rent first until the divorce is done if you haven't a good option already. It's not always good to make big decisions until emotions have settled. Go well.

My goodness, I am overwhelmed by your kind advice, thoughts and messages! I have been out all day 'putting myself first'. So lovely to come in and feel the kindness of strangers
I saw my doctor this morning and she too was very kind. I am now on an AD to see if that helps. She advised exercise, yoga, pilates, talking to friends and family and being very kind to myself. All tried and tested advice.
Also my eldest DD, not known for her positivity and empathy rang me and offered both for well over an hour!
I feel so much better, stronger and more positive than I did this morning, so thankyou all
It is so gratifying to read your positive real life stories. I know there will still be many grey days still ahead but I think I can deal with it. I will give an update further down the line. Lots of love and virtual hugs to those like me going through something like this.xx

Hello Irene. I do empathise with you. Nearly 4 years ago I sold the house of my dreams after 13 lovely years there. It made sense to downsize and it was also financial necessity. We rented for 3 years while I pulled my business back together, and last November we moved into a lovely new home, in a friendly village with lots of amenities and close to the city and it's facilities. I added a sunroom, changed the carpets, had it totally re-decorated, put in a fire and surround, and put down new wood flooring in the lounge. It's absolutely lovely and we are very pleased to be here.

I ask myself many times, WHY don't I love this house as much as I adored the one I had to leave? Frankly, I don't think there is an answer to that. So I have come to accept that I never will forget my dream house, but, I can and have moved on.

I'm really fortunate not to have a divorce to cope with as you have, which only adds to your distress. You do need time to overcome your depression. It does not disappear overnight. Perhaps that is something you can accept? The steps towards being happy again, or just contented, will be slow but with every step forward you gain new ground. It's not easy to go out and throw yourself into meeting new people and joining clubs etc. You need to be in a position of emotional strength to accomplish this, but you will get there! I do agree with some here, if you get any worse, and cannot cope do go to your GP and get some temporary help to see you past this most trying of times. The very best of luck to you.

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you. Divorce and house move at the same time must be very hard and no wonder you feel down. I'm sure your friends would support you if you told them.

Hi Irene2108, I fel the same extreme anxiety part way through the process after I decided to move area to be nearer my DD. I decided to put the move on hold and immediately felt calmer and 'normal' again. This decision hasn't been popular with two of my DDs but my sons were more understanding and said I should do whatever makes me happy. I still haven't moved.

I am so sorry.

Give yourself a chance to recover. You don't really have to pull up your big girl pants just yet.

I feel sure that this divorce and sell is as bad as things can be, baby steps forward.

Again it's not just bricks and mortar, there are lots of memories in that house, good and bad, and you're leaving one type of life behind and starting another which is always scary.
You're bound to feel emotional about it. I wish you the best and remember the next chapter is beginning, so onwards and upwards to a better future.