Feeling stressed moving on

I can vouch for house moving as being the most stressful event in my life.
Unless moving because you just fancy a change then those bricks and mortar you are leaving are like losing a friend or loved one and the older we get,well for me, the more averse one can get to change.

Irene everyone has given good advice. I just want to wish you all the very best with your move and hope you find the calm and happiness you deserve when the divorce is finalised. Take good care of yourself ?

They do say moving house and divorce are two of the most stressful things you can go through and you are going through both. I have suffered depression and panick attacks. If they do not settle go and explain to your Dr. And get something to get you through this period. I feel so sorry for you. It is your home but remember your memories are in your head and they will be moving with you. Hopefully you will be happier in your new home and have more exciting times to look forward to. It surely couldn't be worse than what you must be going through now. It's the negative thoughts that are causing your panic attacks so hard as it is try and push them out of your head and concentrate on positive ones. I do think a little meds would help for a short period. Good luck and take care ?

Please be kind to yourself and tell your friends and family what is happening and how you feel about it. It was advice given to me when going through something similar, and it was good advice. My friends and family were so supportive and it was like balm to my feelings.
I moved into an apartment just over a year ago and I'm enjoying the experience of living in a new area, meeting new people and doing new things. I'm also enjoying getting the apartment in shape.
I had palpitations ( if they become troublesome you can ask for medication to help )for years too which now that I've moved out and moved on are much, much better.
So - there can be light in the future. My profound sympathies as you cope with such change in your life and my profound hopes for good things to come for you.

Hi Irene, No wonder you are feeling like you do, lots of changes in your life, and it takes time to come to terms with it all

I know you say your friends and family have a lot to cope with, but could you just try opening up a bit to them about how you're feeling? If you've never done it before, it may seem hard to do.You have probably always presented a tough capable persona, and for once in your life, YOU now need a bit of support. Friendship is a two way thing, and they may be glad to try and help you a bit, even though they are going through bad times.Just a coffee and a chat could really help you.

Likewise your children/family, worth a try talking to them at least? They all have no idea how bad you are feeling, and I'm sure they'd want to help if they knew.

I wonder if a long relaxing massage would help? Be kind to yourself and at least keep chatting here.

The thing that still breaks my heart after moving from 2 houses where I raised my children was the heights recorded every birthday on the door frames. Take photos if you can or even the door frame itself; I wish I had. Once you get over the shock and upheaval of the divorce (always unpleasant even if desired) having your own space is wonderful. I decided that I would never cook again, M & S just down the road so why bother, total liberation. I wish you joy

As others have said you need to talk to family and friends about how you are feeling. But try to remember your house is your home because YOU made it that way. Your good memories will always be with you no matter where you are. Take yourself to a new house and make it into another home. Good luck. [hugs]

I move 2 years ago after my DH died, we had only lived in the property for just over 3 years (less than 1 year together before DH went into Hospital). This was a dream move as we downsized to a more manageable property in a beautiful area. We had made lots of friends so it was heartbreaking to leave but I could no longer afford to live there.

The upside for me was moving to be nearer my DD & DGS. I don't regret the move now, but it was hard work & stressful. It has been worth as I have made new friends, live in a gorgeous part of the world with easy access to the coast & countryside. Best of all is the impending arrival of another DGS in May. DD loves having me nearby (about 10 miles) & so does DGS.

Let your family know you're struggling, they may think you're coping (if you're like me you battle on giving the appearance of calm serenity whilst panicking like crazy). Even just being able to talk is a great help.

Treat this as an opportunity to start again, those happy memories won't be lost. Keep positive (easier said than done). Good luck

Irene....???? and big hugs...just believe that 'All will be well in the end' ✨

I am so sorry for you grief - for that it what you are feeling. Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself the time you need to accept what has happened.

I know someone who dicorced recently after 40 years of marriage - lots of tears, regrets and terrified about the future. But the future suddenly arrives as today, and life went on.

She bought a property which need a lot of work, but it gave her a 'project' which, after a year of turmoil, has now become her sanctuary again and she is much more positive in her outlook than before - although there are always a few 'down' times as one would expect.

Now is the time to seek out new projects - be they a new interest, meeting new people and being mindful of your inner voice.

You'll get through this. xx

Irene2108, hang on in there, but get help from a professional as soon as you can. Make it a priority. Be kind to yourself! You are suffering a double bereavement, the divorce and the house move, and need to grieve before you can really enjoy the next step.

You will do it, lots of Gransnetters will understand because they have been there too. We have all got through it, and then found a new way of living. I am happier now than I have ever been, despite multiple losses over the last few years. I had depression, but a marvellous counsellor helped me to sort things out. Good luck with it all. And don't think no one else needs to know. They do. So when they say 'how are things?' say that they could be better, but you are working on it — and make sure that you are. Cry, it's good for you, and don't feel silly, because it isn't.

Irene, I really feel for you and am sending hugs. You are not foolish to be feeling the way you are as divorce and moving house are both in the top three for stress and triggering depression.

Still, while the day to day effects of moving (photos, valuations, solicitors etc.) are distressing you should hold on to the view that you WILL find another place to love and call home and you WILL get back your equanimity and peace of mind. You probably can't see the wood for the trees at this stage.

It is clear that you need support and, for various reasons, are not getting it. I am not sure what to suggest here. A letter or other communication to friends and family couched generally about your present state springs to mind but others might think this a bad idea. Perhaps a counsellor might be of use, someone objective but looking from your perspective. Keep on Gransnet, certainly, and enlist the sympathy and support of the many wise voices on the various threads.

Very good luck and best wishes to you.

When my partner and I separated over ten years ago, it was vey stressful, having to sell our lovely house after 20 years together. I also retired and moved myself away 120 miles away, where I knew not a soul, but had to clear my head and change my life completely to regain my sanity. It was one of the best times of my life as it happens. I begun fostering at the age of 60, so felt useful and had permanent company and made lots of new friends. It was something I always wanted to do and loved it. So I think positive thinking is very important. I saw the future as an adventure and it was and has been ever since. So go for it! When one door closes another one opens. Good luck to you.xx

It's always sad to leave a home you've loved but, if the divorce is the right thing for you, then a fresh start in a new house may be just what you need- no bad karma from the old relationship there and you can begin a new life getting your new place just how YOU want it. I wish you good luck in the future.

Irene 2108 : How sad for you to have all this going on in your life right now. We are serial movers (and I realise the "we" in that phrase) and enjoy the challenge. It must be heartbreaking that you have the emotional upheaval of the divorce and probably only time will sort that out, but my advice is to try to focus on the positives of your house move. You will eventually have a base that is totally your own, you can make of it what you wish. If you have always longed for pink and orange, this is the time you can have it. Try and think of the new place as your adventure.....something entirely for you.

For the rest, you must talk to your friends (or a counsellor? ) you need to grieve and come to terms with the end of your marriage.

I wish you well.

Hi irene been in the same situation as you lived 19 years in the family home still miss the home but to stay can be unhealthy as you can't move forward I'm happy now remarried aged 52 have happy and sad memories not forgotten but in storage! good luck you do have a future

This is a horrible time for you, and it's perfectly natural to feel stressed and upset. But it will pass; slowly at first, but one day you will suddenly realise that you are feeling better. I felt like you do 9 years ago. My partner left me, I had to sell the house. But I made a new life for myself gradually, and you will too.
I know you can't think like this right now, but who knows what lies ahead? - it could be fantastic. Good luck.
P.S.Counselling is a good idea. I had some to help with the panic attacks and it helped a lot.

As maryhoffman says get some counselling so that you have some personal support. A divorce and loss of house is a huge bereavement.

You may be able to find a counsellor near you
www.hgi.org.uk/find-therapist

Human Givens is short focused therapy which will help you in a few sessions.

Would it help to have some practical help? You could try a move manager - they're like party planners for someone who's moving. If you can't find one in your area (via Google) you could ask the national body: www.armm.co.uk

Good luck!

There is a house out there just waiting for you. I am a mover and love to up sticks but this time round I do feel reticent for many reasons..........but there is a new sanctuary and a new life just around the corner.

It is such a wrench and then, when it's done all that attachment often disappears.

Tell your mates they will want to hear your struggles whatever their own are, friendships are a two way street. Might help them to become involved in your new project.

So sorry to hear about your situation. Your reactions are perfectly normal. Can you get some counselling to help you cope?

Two of the most stressful things to happen Irene, divorce and moving house. Cut yourself some slack and say goodbye to both as Luckygirl says. You can feel sad it's allowed !
Then move on and look at the adventure of a new place, new friends and a different but enjoyable life. Good luck

You are not just selling a house; you are saying goodbye to a marriage. No wonder you are feeling emotional.

I can empathise with you so much - 9 months ago we sold our beautiful cottage in a friendly happy village where we were much embedded in village life. We sold to move to a bungalow because of my mobility problems and OH's PD. It felt like a huge wrench as a lot of happy times had happened there and its situation was second to none in terms of views and peace and quiet.

But....here we are settled in our bungalow and I do not give the old place a second thought, much to my surprise.

So move forward with an eye to the future and the new friends you will make and the opportunity to make a new place your own and to to lay down new happy memories.

Lots of luck with the move.

Irene2108. I agree with what Annsixty says. You are also going through the emotional stress of divorce. It must feel like a bereavement in some respects. Be kind to yourself, and let others know how you are feeling. Take care.

Thank you Annsixty. Your last line about finding sanctuary again elsewhere rang true with me. Just got the estate agents details about my house. It's happening so I must let it and hope it gives as much pleasure to another family as it has to mine.
Trying to change my mindset!