How do you deal with compliments ?

You seem to be reading an awful lot into "My husband never compliments me", and one derogatory remark about a hairdo, stillaliveandkicking.

I'm wondering if saak holds shares in a legal company that specialises in marital & family law.

OMG Rigby46 .

I find it very easy to give a compliment (it makes me feel good) but find it almost impossible to accept one, usually dismissing anything remotely complementary as "you should've gone to spec savers" or "are you having a laugh" etc.

When you have been brought up to think know that you are ugly, stupid and worthless that tends to be what sticks.

My DGC are the most beautiful, intelligent little people that ever existed. I am breaking the mold.

Quite, gillybob!

I smile shyly and say thank you, then when no-one is looking i run around the room whopping and cheering

Grannypiper ! Girl after my own heart!

My hubby is great at giving compliments. He tells me I'm gorgeous all the time. When we're out and about he finds reasons to say lovely things to people, usually women, but that's ok.

cangran That is very sad and rang true and brought back a memory.

I worked for a man once in the US who treated his wife like that...she worked at the office as well. I had my hair cut and she complimented me on how nice it looked and we shared hair-stories. The 'boss' piped up and said that his wife will not be permitted to cut her hair, he didn't marry a boy. The wife just looked embarrassed. I could not say anything, of course, being the employee. I also knew she suffered from ulcers and the reason was becoming more and more clear.

Years and years later I would see her around and she always had that same old hairstyle. She was also always very skinny and now she just looked drawn. I think him now being home and retired was taking its toll.

Move ahead many more years... he had died and I saw her on a visit back to the hometown and she looked amazing at 75 !!!

Just being out from under his thumb did wonders. Sadly she died a couple of years later, so didn't get long to enjoy her independence. There's a lesson here... there was a lot of mental abuse in his dismissal of her and objectifying her as his 'accessory'.

My DH still thinks I'm that girl he met in 1967. Oh how I wish.....

I too find it difficult to accept compliments - conversations go a bit like this:
Them: 'I like your top, it really suits you'. Me: 'Oh, this old thing, Ive had it ages, glad you like it but I think it makes me look fat"
Them: 'You've got a lovely voice and sing so well'
Me: 'Oh not really, I often go wrong and my voice isnt as good as it used to be"
I really have to work hard at the gracious thanks response!

I think it's because we dont want to appear arrogant or showy offy"

I agree polly However some people don't seem to care about being show offy. I have a friend who is 69 and looks OK but thinks she's gorgeous. She never compliments anyone else. The nearest I've got to a compliment from her is when she said to me 'you used to be stunning didn't you?

Just say 'Thanks!' and look pleased :-)

KatyK that made me chuckle, at least you were stunning for part of the time

Christine

I receive compliments with a thank you. (My husband compliments me by saying, 'How much did that cost me?) I just know when I look good, but it's still nice to receive compliments, especially at my age!

I often give compliments and also enjoy receiving them, although I've had to teach myself to accept them gracefully. I think it's rather rude to shrug them off after someone has been kind to say something nice.

It isnt a case of being rude by not accepting a compliment HannahLoisLuke it is not having the confidence to accept the compliment and the feeling that you do not deserve it.

Thats it Gillybob!

I feel terribly embarrassed both giving and receiving compliments. I would never be able to say something to a checkout girl about her nail varnish - or more likely nail decorations, which all checkout girls seem to have. Equally, if anyone said something nice about something I was wearing, haircut, or the like, I would be most embarrassed, in varying degrees depending upon who the compliment is coming from.

However, I don't mind complimenting someone on something they have done well. And I also like receiving compliments on achievements.

Like Grannypiper, I am bursting with inward pride which will turn into a big grin when I'm on my own!

A couple of years ago on holiday I approached a lady I'd seen around the hotel and told her how much I like her (pink) hair. She was delighted, and I was pleased that I'd found the courage to do it.

If I ever get a compliment I reply by saying 'What a lovely thing to say, thank you.' That way the person complimenting gets a good feeling too.

If it's clothes I usually accept graciously and say 'yes, it's a favourite of mine too. I love the colour, or I got it in White Stuff ( my favourite shop). I like to give compliments, but only if I really mean them. A bit fake otherwise.

It sounds easy when I read it cwasin but very difficult to say for someone who believes that they are not worthy.

I like to receive a compliment and I like to give them. Being nice to people doesn't cost nothing.