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Suddenly I am feeling old

(60 Posts)
Floriatosca Sun 09-Apr-17 10:57:24

I am a grandma and soon to be great grandma (omg!) and will be 68 at the end of the year. All of a sudden I feel and realise I look old(er)! I 'm a very active grandma (two older gc too when they needed it) looking after a lively 6yr old charming grandson regularly - school runs/tea with grandma/ lots of crafty busy days. (This is "what you are here for" apparently). I am busy with a hobby of sewing attending a lively weekly class quilting. (I look after my husband (50 years married soon) who is waiting for a big heart operation next week - having had a heart attack 11 months ago. I have three adult sons so am marginally involved with them and their partners. Those six adults never phone to see how me/their father is but I know I could rely on them in an emergency. (I do all the family dinners/entertainment). I have NEVER EVER been a needy person/wife/mil/grandma and am proud "I can do it myself". I am feeling tired b and old and am sad when I look in the mirror and see how worn I look. I have always been upbeat and positive (my grandchildren call me Turbo Grandma!) and I keep up to date with life and try to fill every minute. I am just a bit sad now that I am looking tired and jaded when inside I am still 21! I know I should be glad I am fit and healthy which enables me to look after other people but I am a bit sad that no one ever thinks to ask how I am/how I am coping with an unwell husband. Am I turning into an old grump too?

mags1234 Tue 11-Apr-17 15:05:08

Yep, my birthday was on Friday, 68. Go and get your nails done, find a good hairdresser and get a nice cut, I don't dye as my hair is silver, have a facial. Do a treat day, just for u?

Blinko Tue 11-Apr-17 14:33:12

Cheers, Lewlew wine I'm all admiration for those of us approaching (or over!) 80 and still charging ahead on all cylinders. Health makes all the difference of course, our own and OHs'. There don't seem to be enough hours in the day to do what I want to do. that's without even looking at my pre retirement bucket list. (It included getting 'O' Level maths and learning Japanese....)

starlily106 Tue 11-Apr-17 14:04:47

I'm nearly 80, and still looking after my son and granddaughter who live with me. I don't feel or look as old as that, but I have noticed that I now seem to be invisible to a lot of people.Quite often I get ignored when I'm in a queue, by both shop assistants and other shoppers. Mind you I'm only 4'9'' tall, and sometimes I realise that I'm standing next to young people whose legs finish about where my waist is, so maybe they genuinely don't see me.

Nanna58 Tue 11-Apr-17 12:01:55

So right about the 'resting face' shock, a little animation does go a long way to perk that up! When my face had a downwards slide a while ago it luckily coincided with Aldi selling the Rio 60second face lift gadget. Bought it in desperation but didn't expect much.well, who'd have thought it, it works, but takes about 20 mins in total daily, I do it while watching telly, and you do have to use it consistently. Couple of friends now bought their own as were impressed.

allule Tue 11-Apr-17 11:57:26

I think the depressing thing is that, having spent my life looking forward to things, I am now scared to look forward.

pollyperkins Tue 11-Apr-17 11:47:25

I dont mind people calling me dear at all! Just seems friendly to me. I thought they did it to everyone!

cc Tue 11-Apr-17 11:18:47

I know what you mean Floriatosca, I'm 65 and feel sometimes that I am overlooked and my views are ignored. I hate having my photo taken because I look like a faded version of myself. Also am a little more grumpy and opinionated - on the plus side I do not tolerate fools gladly and am less afraid of saying so....

Having said that I am perfectly happy with my lot - it would be lovely to be living a more exciting phase of my life over again, but realistically I am content with what I have now. It must be tough for those who are alone if that is not what they have chosen for themselves, but it happens to most of us, in the end.

I count my blessings, having been married to somebody I actually like for more than 40 years.

nannypiano Tue 11-Apr-17 11:16:01

I love it when youngsters kindly ask if I need help and call me sweet names .. in fact I wallow in it. I always accept offers of help gracefully. It makes them feel good too. Little do they know that at 71,I am still towing a 24 foot caravan all round the country single handed. People on the sites do look surprised especially the younger ladies who have never towed a caravan. I think you have to embrace age and love yourself and your capabilities regardless. If you stop thinking about the way you look and be happy, just be yourself. We can't turn back the clock so why waste time on what we were or wish we were now? No one else worries how we look I'm sure. Accepting ourselves is the main thing, then we will be beautiful at least on the inside.

Irenelily Tue 11-Apr-17 11:15:30

Couldn't agree more, Grammargran. I am in the next decade to you " horrors"! Like you I am active and busy, look after my disabled husband who fortunately is quite independent. Am involved as much as possible, limited because of distance, with the grandchildren. I have one great blessing - good health! Minor aches and pains yes but on the whole nothing major. I am very grateful for this. Looking round many people are hit by illness early on and have to soldier on in everyday life. Hopefully their children pay them back for all the care lavished on them in childhood!

margrete Tue 11-Apr-17 11:02:48

I agree with Floriatosca and Mawbroon although I can give you a couple of decades.

Sympathies about looking after - and worrying about - DH. My DH is recovering from leg reconstruction which included plastic surgery. When joint replacement doesn't work, then joint revision doesn't work, reconstruction of the whole limb is the next step - the alternative is amputation.

I have no one else to look after, but sometimes it has felt like being a slave.

As regards appearance, I've managed to lose weight. Was nearly up to 13 stone a few years ago, now down to 10 1/2.

DH hasn't aged as much as I have. He has a 'Mediterranean' type of skin which seems to wrinkle less. My English rose complexion is long gone.

But we are still here, still have things to look forward to, still enjoy the things we do together. Meeting each other back in 1997 - unlikely as it was - has been one of the great blessings of life for both of us.

grammargran Tue 11-Apr-17 11:02:07

For goodness sake, all those of you in your 60s, you're far from old, stop it as once! I'm 78 this year and my 60s seem a distant memory. You're right, Blinko , 70 is the new 60 - I still go to Keep Fit, walk, belong to several organisations, have an active social life, and still host all major family events, including doing most of the Christmas cooking. I know I'm lucky and count my blessings every day - I do have aches and pains and they annoy me incredibly, but I'm not old old yet ..... !!!

Lewlew Tue 11-Apr-17 10:37:02

Happy Birthday Blinko ! cupcake

Yes, time does catch us up... but I will say that not having had my own children, and my stepsons were almost adults when I married their dad (mum had died), I am now enjoying being a grandma. DGD makes my life fuller and I feel more active. Younger? No... but I have to work with what I have. I don't now feel my best days are behind me now at least since she's come along as I want to see how 'her story' turns out as she grows up, and I am still working for myself.

Spa days now and then with my grown niece and DIL help!

flowers wine to everyone!

Yorkshiregel Tue 11-Apr-17 10:25:46

I don't think you are turning in to an old grump Floriatosca! Just your body letting you know you are not as young as you feel. You have more than enough to cope with I would say so no wonder you are feeling the strain. Give yourself a break!

It would be nice if we could all go back to being 21! I wish I could do the things I could do then, but I have to suffer with an arthritic knee, caused by all that badminton, hill walking and cycling! You do these things to keep fit in old age and look what happens. All your bits start showing wear and tear. It happens to us all. I bet your family think you will go on for ever! Time flies.

Blinko Tue 11-Apr-17 10:20:10

I was 70 on Sunday. Somehow it sounds a lot older than 69. The beginning of proper old age, maybe. Or is 70 the new 60? That's what I'll tell myself, at any rate smile

Irishrose Tue 11-Apr-17 10:19:40

No you are not a grump But sometimes if someone just said and how are you ! It would make all the difference . When your children have children they forget you are there and have feelings. We are thinking of you and hope all goes well .

Solitaire Tue 11-Apr-17 10:18:30

A new revised haircut always makes me feel better and eye make up too!
However the other day, out with my son, he met a friend and they talked cars. The friend said he's frequently seen 'an old biddy' driving a rare and very fast car in the neighbourhood..."she won't have a clue what she's got"...."that would be me" I said.
grin

rizlett Tue 11-Apr-17 10:05:42

I'd like to let go of the valuing myself by how I look and by what I do for others. I'm still learning how to do that.

Floria - how are you?

Beammeupscottie Tue 11-Apr-17 10:00:37

Another tip to avoid looking old, is not to wander round a supermarket leaning on your trolley as if it was a walking frame. Hold yourself tall.

Abonet Tue 11-Apr-17 09:57:31

br0adwater. You dont think they are just being kind, rather than being patronising?

Deni1 Tue 11-Apr-17 09:55:02

reply thank you sweetheart or similar.......touché

Beammeupscottie Tue 11-Apr-17 09:54:54

Remember, Lilyflower, the still face you look at in the mirror is not the face seen by others because it lacks the animation of a face presented to the outside world. I look awful when I get out of bed (especially as my bedroom has a lot of large mirrors - vain? moi?) but when the nice clothes, and the war paint is on I look halfway decent. Don't judge yourself by the home-alone look.

Lilyflower Tue 11-Apr-17 09:44:54

I am 60, look after my health and figure and have a strict face cream regime. I have let my hair go grey but it's cut and styled and blow dried every day. In short, I make an effort and, until now, haven't looked older than my age.

However, I guess it is all down to genetics but I have begun to look jowly and my face is slipping southwards. In photos I can do the 'smiling facelift' but when I catch sight of my immobile resting face I am appalled at the miserable looking old woman who looks back.

I am seriously considering a bit of help but have no idea what I should have done. I probably can't afford extensive medical intervention and have no idea which of the expensive and various treatments on offer these days would work.

Has anyone any suggestions?

Maidmarion Tue 11-Apr-17 09:42:01

My lovely sister used to say "Don't call me dear, call me expensive"!!!!!!

Caro1954 Tue 11-Apr-17 09:36:42

Take MawBroon's advice - she's usually right!

M0nica Tue 11-Apr-17 08:07:22

Recently I felt my face had taken the next step into old age. It didn't bother me, that's life.

Then yesterday DDiL, DGD and I went out for the day. At one place we visited we asked for the Concession rate for me and the lady looked at me and said. You have to be over 65 to get the concession rate. I smiled sweetly and said, I am nearer 75 than 65, which, at 74 this year, I am. All of a sudden I felt quite young and skittish grin