So do your children "interrogate your finances"?

As a previous poster said if money is lent to the DCs and then not repaid it should be the last money they get. I am in that position. I lent money at zero interest just short of £5k and for nearly 2 years this was being repaid perfectly. In the last year there have been 3 fails and I am bad because I said I was disappointed that the monthly payment could not be met. I had been proud of my DC for managing to repay so well. There is a new partner involved and at the same time as telling me the month's payment could not be met I was asked to baby sit so that they could go to the cinema!
Since then I have not been spoken to. I have been cut off as has a lady I know. This lady's daughter has now cut of my DC. It is all just awful.
The younger ones seem to have such a sense of entitlement, my DC tells people I have £x. So she thinks, she is so wrong. One thing I have made clear is that I do not approve of my DCs working all hours to keep their (male) partners and I am certainly not going to financially enable these sponging males, nor the DDs who think I should.
SPF

What a rude and ungrateful person, I'm glad he isn't my son, I would be ashamed of him. Judging by the comments on here, everyone on here appears to agree with me.

If parents want to help their DC out of the goodness of their hearts that's entirely up to them. However, a child should never expect. It's none of his business how much money his mother has. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for himself and his family. Education is expensive so who is paying for all that or is he just creating more debt he expects his family to mop up.
Needs a kick up the pants!!

Neither of my DSs has 'interrogated' my finances and I wouldn't dream of 'interrogating' theirs. I have provided interest-free loans a couple of times and they have been repaid by regular repayments into my bank account. I think that in-laws might have contributed but never asked - it's none of my business. Both families are well and truly on the property ladder and always welcome me for a visit.

I think the article was just a little £ joke. To stir a bit.

I too was incensed by this article. I really could not believe what I was reading. This man helps to bring (3!) children into this world knowing that he is strapped for cash and does not have the earning power to provide for them. His mother then kindly gives him money - I doubt it was a loan - to help him out and then as a thank you he 'interrogates her finances'. It doesn't matter what his mother's financial position is it is none of his business. What an obnoxious little g*t he comes across as.

We have helped our adult DC from time to time. Mostly monetary gifts for the DGC to go on school trips, have swimming lessons etc and we love doing this. We would much rather do this and share what we are able to now. We have given spending money for holidays,carpets etc. Due to circumstances beyond our control we rent, but our DC both have mortgages. There will be no big inheritance from us and the inheritances we received we are sharing and enjoying now. We will need to pay rent for the rest of our lives so need to be financially astute. It is hardly worth saving because of the poor returns but we have to keep some aside to ensure that we have a reasonable standard of living in our retirement.

Darling daughter did make mild noises about the amount I spend on cruises. It was genuine concern that I was spending all my savings and would be broke in my old(er) age. When I showed her what I'd got saved plus the value of the house and my pensions, she was very reassured and hasn't bought it up since.
In fact I have difficulty in persuading her to accept anything from me!
I don't want the IR to benefit from my death as it did from my mother!
Incidentally I pay for my cruises out of the money I earn working!

gillybob I beg to differ. When we finally managed to get a mortgage after saving for several years and getting picked in the draw(!), the interest rate was about 13.5%; hardly unearned this house of ours.
We never were given anything by DPs until our 50s when, we didn't really need it. We had old bangers, we used orange boxes and suchlike until we were able to afford furniture. Yes, and yes again, our "plenty" was earned.
And our present income, on _earned pension, is less than 1/4 of the income of any of our offspring who certainly don't earn telephone number salaries...

So, the pole dancing is still paying good money Galen ?

I think although the writer was meaning this as an amusing read, the trouble is that it isn't amusing at all, and paints him in a very bad light.Not a great advert for either a writer of amusing pieces, a Father, Husband, or Son.

Our daughters have little worries to our holiday home and cruises Galen. Just part of caring.

The governments who sold off the council housing stock and now pay housing benefit to buy to let landlords for those same properties are to be blamed for this debacle. Not the allegedly affluent pensioners, not the allegedly snowflake younger generation, it was Margaret Thatcher's policy of ridding the country of council house stock that is at fault.

No sure what you are "begging to differ" about grandMattie

I am not getting into how much you or your "offspring" (horrible word btw) earn or have coming in, or how you sat on orange boxes etc. such a silly (and non relevant argument. Although I did smile at the "having old bangers".

I will never be in a position to help my DC financially although as I said I do help out a lot in other ways.

Oooopsy. I forgot to close ) after relevant.

Norah, I agree with you. Just because someone writes an article doesn't necessarily mean that's how they feel. Don't newspapers commission articles just to get people talking?

So glad he's not mine - what an ungrateful, needy person he sounds.

gillyjp entirely agree with you. The writer of this article sounds dreadful, and certainly doesn't appear to take his responsibilities very seriously.
We have also given sums of money and also lent sums of money to our children. Most parents help their adult children where they can, it is a natural thing to want to help, with time and/or money if possible. Not everyone can, they may still be working, they may not be able to afford the time or the money. However, it is never a right, it is a privilege to receive help.
This young man (although he is not so young) is rude and ungrateful. I hope his mother didn't read his article and that she's not on gransnet.

I thought I had brought up all my children to have a hard working ethic but it seems I failed with one of my daughters. She has always spent money like water and then expects me (or her father when he was alive) to bail her out. It's always someone elses fault. No she is not in her 20s or 30s but in her early 50s. Two years ago I lent her and her present DH a very sizeable sum to buy a house as she had no creditworthiness and neither did he although for different reasaons. They paid me a small amount weekly to make up for the loss of savings income and I made sure my name was on the deeds of the house. Last year they were able to obtain a mortgage and pay me back. When they found out that they had to pay legal fees to taky my name off they thought I should pay this and when I said no the weekly amount stopped. I made it plain that I could also be awkward and refuse to sign the transfer so I got the weekly amount for a few more weeks. Since then I hardly hear from her unless she is complaining about how hard up she is. Last month she asked to borrow £100 which I was loath to lend but she assured me she could pay it back when she was paid towards the end of the month. Of course it did not happen. I feel her attitude is she knows roughly I have money so why should she pay back any money I lend her. The bank of Mum has definitely closed here now. Of course I havent heard from her since. I worked very hard to be able to live a reasonable life as a pensioner as I knew I would only have the state pension so why should she think she has the right to have my money.

I would be ashamed if that were my son. Acting like a teenager-except he has THREE children, doesn't hold down a job and sponges off his mother. He should go and get a job and pay his way in the world.
I do totally agree with other posters about council houses having been sold off. It was absolutely crazy and drives people into the hands of private landlords. I have a dear SIL who, through no fault of her own, is in rented accommodation and so is, effectively, paying someone's mortgage for them. AND she is in this pension trap and will not be able to draw her state pension for years yet. So unfair.
Our own DDs don't ask about our finances but we have offered help down the years-always repaid-and choose to do so. Not for us expensive hols, meals out, drinks etc. We've always been frugal and are now living in the benefit of it. (just pops out to adjust halo!)

sarahellenwhitney Thatcher & her government certainly actively encouraged the sale of council houses to tenants. It was their way of winning "the working class" vote. My DH and parents lived in council property when homes first went on sale and were offered the chance to buy. By then they were both retired and FiL only worked p/t (in his early 70s) bookkeeping for a local plant nursery so they could not afford it. They had no savings to speak of..just their 'funeral pot' as they called it! If DH and his siblings had clubbed together they might have been ale to fund the purchase and we would have made a comfortable profit as they now sell at £500k plus for a 2 bed 10th floor flat.

What amuses me about the article was Hankinson's statement that his week consisted of freelancing 3 days and doing childcare for 2. Presumably he spent the remaining 2 days of the week resting. Poor lamb!
He also states that his house in Newcastle cost £150K and manages to imply that this was a very humble abode.
Not so. £150K can buy you a very nice property up here.
Then he went and bought another one in a 'better' area!

Like many others both my DDs and their partners work f/t and evenings/weekends. Childcare costs are hard, which is why I help out 2x week but that is it! Mr H needs to start living in the 'real world' and cut his cloth etc etc!

My son is 48, he is not on the property ladder but is lucky that he has a decent council house. His wife is disabled after a stroke at an early age and he took on her two young daughter and has managed to get a degree as well and also worked though not always full time.. Life has been a struggle but never has he asked for a handout or questioned us about our money and lifestyle. I do help him out by taking or giving the family a holiday every year and other things. He in return does a great deal for us without asking andI am so proud of him. This son in the post sounds like he needs a kick up the bu and told to grow up.

I used to love the advert, for Specsaver's I think, when the son notices that his mother has a new pair of glasses. She tells him not to worry about how much they cost because of where she purchased them and not to worry about his inheritance because she's leaving everything to the gardener. The camera then focuses on a young handsome, complete with six pack.

As so many of you have already posted, I'm just glad he's not my son but if he were I'd have a few choice words for him and not the ones he'd want to put in his next article.

Luckygirl Wed 05-Apr-17 I agree entirely! We worked hard for what we now have. We looked after one of our grandchildren until he was 15yrs old, so that his parents could go out to work. Only during the holidays I mean, but sometimes he also had tea if they were going to be late home. We could not do that for the others as they live too far away.

I do sympathise with the youngsters that find it hard these days, but it wasn't easy for us either. Women of course had sexism to cope with as well in our day.