I`m not going to pass away

I'm not going to die - I shall stay out of spite!

Although our family have always been 'matter of fact' about describing death or dying, when ringing a friend about a colleague's death recently I found myself saying 'passed away'. Maybe it depends on who you are talking to, what the appropriate vocabulary is.??

Not long ago DGC's Great Grandad died. As DS had to tell DGC he started with, 'You know Grandad has been very poorly, well I'm afraid you won't be seeing him again.' DGD aged 4 said, 'Oh you mean he's dead. That's sad.' and went off to carry on playing. The same child asked me recently, 'If God saved Jesus why didn't he save Nana E?' As a non Christian I had to say honestly, 'I don't know.' Children always seem to get down to the basics don't they?!

What about all those worrying gravestones which tell us some poor soul 'fell asleep'. Just makes me want to reach for an alarm clock!

I'd like to 'break on through to the other side'

I tell people my husband is dead, or that he died two and a half years ago, depending on who's asking. Can't be doing with any other ways of saying it.

I think there's a growing tendency to suppose that if one doesn't, euphemisingly or otherwise, wear one's feelings on one's sleeve, so to speak, one is in some way lacking in decency or depth of feeling. That's rubbish as well.

So, if I say "My dad died n years ago", it sounds unfeeling?

Rubbish! Anyone thinking so is making totally unfounded assumptions about my feelings and I'd be within my rights to resent that bitterly. It's utterly ridiculous to project your feelings onto others.

I don't mind the phrase "I'm sorry for your loss" Because I'm sure most people will feel a death as a loss.

My mother used to complain about people "passing away" fifty years ago, I can't imagine what she'd think if she knew people were still saying it. "Passing" would probably had her foaming at the mouth (and she wouldn't have wanted Gran or anything similar on her coffin!)

The trouble is, when it's your nearest and dearest, it often sounds unfeeling to say my husband died 4 years ago. In general conversation I tend to say "when I lost my husband" but only talk about when Daddy died with our children. Passed is an Americanism, and always brings to mind table tapping and "is anyone there" Passed away is rather old fashioned for my liking .

On the subject of people "losing" someone, although I don't like that euphemism, I do fell that the phrase "I'm sorry for you loss" is often the better one to say, and to be on the receiving end of.

I agree to with the post regarding floral "tributes". I did wince / smile at "Gran" spelled out in purple and white adorning my mother's coffin last week!

She would have thought it the height of bad taste!

Yes I am going to DIE sometime, hopefully not for a while.

Sadly there us nothing more final than death bee63

Passed away sounds a lot less brutal imo.
It's nicer, more poetic.

'Oh she died' just sounds so final.

In France they say he/she was " lost" as a euphemism for dying - how bizarre is that?

'Lost' is a scary concept for children though -" I'm sorry to say that we lost granma today".

Annsixy I don't like it either and particulately when news readers say "Passed" .

I don't think saying that you have "lost" a relative etc is quite the same. Because the person has died they are "lost" to you which is a more personal perspective of the situation.

Galen

Oh yes, or 'snuff it', I'd forgotten that one!

I think if 'passed away' brings some comfort rather than a stark 'died' then that is fine.
However, I don't like the term 'passed'.
Passed what - another vehicle?

I intend to 'kark it' and I hope not for a while yet.

Reminds me of when I reported a sudden death at our local police statio. The conversation went something like this:-
14 year old policeman, ' have you notified the doctor?'
Me 'I am the doctor'
Him what's the address?
I give it
Oh! That's in Walsall's jurisdiction but I'll phone it through
14 year old on phone ( very officious) the doctor pronounced life extinct !
Me ' no I didn't, I said he was dead, very dead!'

I think thatbags has summed it up beautifully.

I suppose when we older folks talk flippantly of dying, maybe we forget that dying is something which unfortunately also happens to young, sometimes very young people, in which case the death is tragic beyond comprehension. Their loved ones are surely entitled to use whatever words bring them comfort.

Big hugs,and all my sympathy to those who have been so cruelly bereaved, and let's raise a glass to us old'uns who have been lucky enough to enjoy a good span before being disposed of in any such manner as would please us!

That's right thatbags, its not disrespectful to have a different opinion..
The rainbow bridge is a bit sickly BlueBelle, I do wonder if these things start out as an advertising gimmick.

I'm going to have a posh funeral me, when I've died. I want all the mourners to mention that I've shuffled off my mortal coil. Nothing else will do.

Now I have visions of me as a little old lady muttering to herself as she bounces off into the distance encased in a spring.

Must admit, I loathe sanitised American phrases too. Are most afraid to embrace the word "die"? It doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things, but I do prefer plain speaking. We live, we die.

Once I've handed in my dinner pail I shan't give a euphemism how it's referred to

I'm another one who prefers 'die' to 'pass away' and finds 'pass' by itself very annoying, but like others, that's what I would say and I wouldn't dream of telling someone who was going through it what to say. When my parents died and people referred to their having passed away I accepted the sympathy gratefully without commenting on the words used.

Recently a friend's father died at over 90 and after a spell of (happy and bizarre) dementia, and the only response I felt appropriate was 'sorry for your loss', as the death was peaceful and in the presence of family, and he was much missed. It didn't seem right to say that I was sorry that he had died, as he had not suffered and in a real sense his family had lost him to the dementia some time before.

The newspaper announcements of a stillbirth which say 'born sleeping' are understandable - anything which can bring any help to bereaved parents must be tried - even though I wouldn't use the term myself.