OH confusion!!

Sue1169,, oh so sorry you are having to deal with so many other issues aswell as how your hubby is behaving, sending you BIG HUGS, life is horrible isnt it when we recieve a bolt out of the blue like the letter you got, i can sympathize with you on that one, having something similar happen to me i know what it feels like to have my world rocked and turned upside down , and then having thoughts in my head that i never thought i would have towards him !!! , always here for a natter if you want xx

sue you sound at the end of your tether yourself. You have an awful lot on your plate. Does he share your stress? Is he aware of what you are coping with?
You need to talk this through calmly with someone who knows you both and whom you trust.
It is easy for adult DCs to say we "have to do something" (easier said than done) but an appointment with your own doctor could be the first step. Other than that, log what is going on so that you have some evidence. I imagine your doctor could call him in for some sort of health MOT and perhaps compare DH's version with what you have logged.
In the meantime, you need some rest so try to look after yourself too instead of allowing this to wear you down
If he has had more than one TIA he NEEDS to see a doctor by the way.

If this has happened on five isolated occasions it may be transient ischaemic attacks especially if between attacks he is functioning normally. If dementia comes on in a steplike deterioration this is a sign of multi infarct dementia. Your hubby could do with an examination and blood tests to start with. Sorry life is so difficult for you.xx

Thank you Swanny..I do feel safe here....cheeks red from crying.....anyway..nitegodbless gransnetters✨✨

sue scream here as much as you want - you need somewhere safe to do it XX

Oh jacksmum....he wont go to apps for routine blood tests m.o.t. type apps..etc. this is all harder as i dont actually love him..care re his welfare...DONT want to discuss it.REALLY dont!!! But. Suffice to say.as i mentioned he always worked overseas and 9yrs ago i received a letter from a nigerian woman....sent me into actual shock..resulting in me developing dystonia in my neck...which now have under control..a broken heartvwhich isnt.anyway subject closed!!!! And have middle son in 'meltdown' right now and sisters hubbie with terminal 'C' so straw breaking camels back appropriate right now.....want to scream....cant. But want to!!!

Hi if your husband goes out even for a short time could you call the doctors, get an appointment for him explaining to staff there what is happening and that you are going to tell your husband that surgery called and he has an appt for an annual check up, just say its always done at his age, really hope he will go to the docs x

No nocturnal walkabouts!! Not yet anyway....difficult to record as the 'episodes' dont have a pattern....

My mistake, Sue1169, sorry! I thought you meant he was getting up and wandering round the lake in the early mornings.

Oh SueDonim...no nocturnal walkabouts..well not yet...

I was going to say the say as SueDonim and FarNorth about filming him?

Or recording what he says - to show to him or to the GP.

It is a scary situation for you- you must get help with it.

What a difficult situation. If you have a smart phone you could try filming him on his nocturnal walkabouts, to show him what he's doing.

Thank you all.. Truly..feeling bit scared now..bit bewildered. Glad...from my heart that have you all to talk to.... on a happier note yes premature grandson is doing so well and darling daughter recovering from c.section!! May need to go back tho (Dubai)for another 2or3 weeks which brings its own problems...on arriving back yesterday was horified at the state of the house with just OH being here....

Ask your GP if there is a Dementia Nurse, or suchlike, in your area who could see your DH.
If the GP or nurse could have a general chat with him at an "assessment" as suggested, he might come out with his ideas that you are making things up, nagging unreasonably etc, which could give away the fact that his thought processes are not quite right.

I hope the links given will help you.

Sounds like DH. He is in the early stages of vascular dementia.

Sue I've known of couples before in this situation where one has kept a note of events and discussed them in advance with the gp, who has then called them both in for a 'wellbeing' appointment as MissAdventure suggests. OH will 'psych' himself up to be on top form but if you both go in together and you are 'assessed' first, he will have relaxed somewhat and be more natural when it's his turn. It does depend on having an empathetic doctor though.

PS I hope your DD and baby DGS are doing well - if I remember correctly he arrived sooner than expected didn't he? to all

Sue1169, please have a look at the alzheimers.org.uk forum. It is called Talking Point. You will find a lot of helpful information re getting a diagnosis. Denial is very common amongst those with dementia. There are lots of different types of dementia. It is helpful to keep a diary of unusual behaviours. Your GP could perhaps call your husband into the surgery for a general check up. I hope that you are able to get some help and support.

sue1169, I think I understand and I certainly accept all that you are saying. I have some experience of people in the early stages of dementia and it is really very, very difficult. When they visit the doctor they seem to have a sudden surge of mental acuity, and, as you say, cannot remember or choose not to, memory can be very selective, the difficulties they are having.

Could you keep a diary of his dysfunctional behaviour for, say, a fortnight? You would then have something to show the doctor when you go to see him. See if you can speak to your practice's psychiatric nurse, or directly to the memory clinic.

You could also talk to Age Concern They have a fact sheet that may be helpful www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Information-guides/AgeUKIG47_caring_for_someone_with_dementia_inf.pdf?dtrk=true

It might also be helpful to speak to your local branch of the Alzheimers Society or go to their website.www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200343

That is mum died not dieting. Hate autospell

I really feel for you. My husband was going downhill but wouldn't,t see the doc and it took the crisis of my mother being ill and dieting that finally sent him what I call over the top. He awoke next day and couldn't remember a thing. He knew me but not his son or grandson. Didn't know what he liked to eat or drink. He has improved a tiny bit but needs reminding who is who and has carers to get him up and then just watches tv all day. It is soul destroying after 40+ years but I am still here nd so is he

Ok Jane..but why? Oh this is all so new to me.

Take a list of all the reasons for your concerns. Just list the behaviours though. Try to keep your emotion out of it.

Yes Jane he does still have the ability to consent...to all..99% of the time he seems ok....BUT!! I live here.i KNOW him..knew him!! The doctor doesnt know him..hes never sick and hes always worked overseas.oil&gas industry.string of letters after his name.very clever...still articulate BUT still the 'Episodes'and personality changes....oh heck...am going to make app tomorrow and speak to the doc again!

Does he actually still have the capacity to consent? You could see the GP yourself and outline your concerns. It would then be up to the GP to decide what to do. Otherwise its a matter of either trying to convince him to agree to assessment or wait for some sort of crisis. See the GP yourself asap. Good luck.