A nice young man rang this morning

These posts really make me laugh. I've got a friend who loves keeping people on the line. Her best one was someone who rang and tried to get her to change her phone provider. She wound them up for a while then said " but I don't even have a phone" There was a long pause then they hung up.

I'm not as quick as her or some of you and usually just hang up, but I wish I could think of funny replies. I'll get my thinking cap on!

I had one last week, he phoned 4 times over two days claiming to be doing a survey. Told him twice I wouldn't do any survey, third time (and third English name with a strong foreign accent) he started his script. Asked me if he had right name/phone number - umm well he phoned me. Then started rattling on about this survey, I said "now hang on a minute, you have my name and number so what's yours?" He tried to start his patter again. Me - "I politely asked you a question, don't be so rude and ignore it". Off he goes again so I told him to p* off and do something worthwhile with his life. He started to say something and I put the phone down. It rang again an hour later but I didn't answer, it was same number, Portsmouth area. He hasn't tried again. I reported it on a couple of sites.

my husband, tone deaf, when he heard a foreign accent said 'Oh, I would love to sing you a song from MY country' before the scammer could draw breath.
'Thank you, sir' said a polite scammer at the end of a garbled National Anthem.'Now, could we discuss your Windows computer?'
'Oh no', said husband, 'you must sing me a song from YOUR country first

My approach has always been the same whatever the product/service/scam on offer. I say "Oh I'm glad you rang as I really need to know about this. Hold on a moment while I get a pen to take some notes". Then I lay the phone down gently and go back to watching the TV. I have often wondered how long it takes them to realise that I am not coming back.

We have had about 5 calls a day this week all reputed to be from Microsoft . It is driving us mad . We now just put the phone on the table and walk away and let them chat away to the table . A PPI have just called AGAIN .

Stupidly I got caught out on that one a few years ago, was on my computer at the time and they rang up I was having trouble at the time. I learnt a hard lesson never again.

I always say "I'm sorry but I'm only the cleaner". Told some Jahovers witnesses that at the door and they apologised and left. Clearly the cleaner is not worth saving!

Yes, I told someone who came to the door cold calling that I was the cleaner. I was cleaning and looked rather scruffy, although I must say that my neighbour's cleaner always looks quite smart.

Oh thank you for the tip, I must remember next time one of these peope ring, its a great way to get rid of them. Made my day!

It's very tempting to give these annoying people an earful. But I try to work out what would stop them doing it again. Usually I say that I'm not interested, I haven't given permission to be called, take me off their database, don't ring again, then I end the call. Depends on their attitude how nicely or angrily I say it! Not as much fun as some of your responses, but it seems to work. I almost never get nuisance calls now - and that's the result I want, they're simply a waste of everyone's time.

When they claim there's a fault in your computer try saying "I don't know anything about computers but I'll ask my son - he works for the Interpol Cybercrime Unit"

Just my own theory, but I suspect some of these ideas about seeming to be old, forgetful or a bit dotty could encourage them to try again, or they'll sell your number on as someone 'vulnerable'. If you sound businesslike and in control I reckon they're less likely to hassle you.

GrannyBing there's the world of difference between nuisance calls and scams.

The one being described by Kitty in her OP is a SCAM - this 'nice young man' is not trying to sell you anything, he wants to take over your computer and hack into your bank details and passwords. He's a criminal.

I have a' foreign language' which i use and seems to work as they hang up and calls are very few now. My family all do the same, although a friend has an air horn from the pound shop which she uses to great effect. Loved the vid?

My happiest moment was when a nice young man rang to tell me I could do something about nuisance calls - oh the irony!
He said I had been complaining about it,
"Oh no," I said, "It's not a problem. I don't have a phone."
At which point I replaced the receiver...

Sometimes I receive a call from some firm saying I entered a competition, didnt win but for taking part,they want to send me a present, when I say I dont want a present they say oh its this or that, again saying I dont want a present or need a present thank you, please give it to someone else, they are taken aback and dont call again.
Mind you I hope someone calls soon, I want to try out one of the suggestions in this thread!

Oh dear, many of you in the UK appear to receive an extraordinary number of nuisance calls. Here in France we do have a few but " Sorry I don't speak French" (fib, I do), soon gets rid of them and they seem to cross us off the list.
Love the one about the cleaner - will use it the next time English speaking callers ring the bell - usually Jehovah Witnesses .They appear to have sussed out where the English folk live over here - divine intervention?

My son had a good wheeze, after letting them waffle on for a while he said "Bet you can't guess whst I do" "don't tell me, you're an f*****g software technician " "no" said my son "I work for the Staffordshire Police Cyber Crime Unit" bamg went the phone and he's never heard back, funny that! !

DD, in Belgium, pretends she doesn't speak French (fluent) and in UK answers cold callers in French and doesn't understand English, she doesn't get many repeat calls.

Exaltedwombat, I don't think anyone thinks these calls are anything other than a scam - that's why it's funny.

Slightly off track but the mention of Jehovah's reminded me, a friends husband answered the door to find two of them facing him. As soon as they started their speech he stopped them and asked if they believed in God. The reply of yes came and he just said "well if you don't get yourself off my property in the next 30 seconds you will be meeting him much quicker than you thought!" They soon vanished lol.

I must admit when I have the time I string cold callers along, trying to see how long they will speak to me before they put the phone down. 02 lasted the longest trying to sell me phone insurance, after they repeated the offer 3 times, and 3 times 'I didn't understand at the point of them wanting to take my bank details' they hung up (an impressive 20 minutes later). I have never been contacted by them again, I probably have been filed in the mad cow file!

Your mention of Jehova's witnesses, jusnoneed, reminds me of the story about the man who opened the door to see a pair who announced they were Jehova's witnesses. He said "you have my sympathy, I'm standing in the local election as a Conservative candidate"

Brilliant put down - well done!

Respect, Kittyl. ?
I would love to think I would do something similar given the chance.