I am feeling very sad

Oh dear, no wonder you feel upset, but do you not have his address or phone number as you were friends for so long and in contact? If not, there is little you can do.

That is so sad PRINTMISS. If you have his address, could you not send a chatty card giving a few items of your news and saying you miss him. If he doesn't want to answer then so be it, but it might initiate something. I do hope you manage to make contact. Friends like this are so important.

How very sad PRINTMISS. Has anything happened to his son? Or is this something else you don't know?.
Thinking of my own H I also wonder if he developed Dementia and has been unable to contact you. I suppose the saddest thing is that you may never know and will be left wondering.

It is sad and worrying that somthing untoward has happened. Its worse because you feel you would have liked to offer some help or support at a difficult time. I hope that you do eventually get some news PRINTMISS

Thanks for all those suggestions, we have his address, telephone number, mobile, and e-mail, and even know someone who goes to a men's club that he belongs to, but there is no response to any communications, and no-one has any news. We have phoned, written, e-mailed, and I am sure that one or other of the 'boys' would have contacted us, we have always been on good terms with them, but not close, so feel that the silence is at our friends' request, and find it difficult (almost hurtful, which is silly) to understand.

Is it possible that he is suffering from depression and that is why he has withdrawn? He sounds as if he has given a lot of himself to other people.

He's spent his life caring for other people and now he has to remake it in a different way. It's the hardest thing I have ever done and sometimes you have to just cut what existed before because that's not how your life is now. It's like a period when you are not who you were. Just keep in touch now and again with a card or email to let him know you are around still. And it can be quite hard to meet up with people who are still a happy couple!

No harm in going to see him face to face then you could perhaps gauge the situation for yourself. If he's no longer interested you could always say to yourself it was good while it lasted. That's not meant to be flippant but factual. Don't wait forever wondering and then wish you had ........ it sounds as if you've all been great support to each other and it's sad to finish a relationship without knowing why.

Are you sure he's still around? I had a dear friend who had to go into a home and then died - I felt sure her family would contact me but with all their woes they didn't. I found out after their passing that they had been too frail for home and then died. Don't assume that their family would contact you - I didn't call all my Mums contacts when she went into a care home - I didn't know who was current and who wasn't and had too much to arrange with her house to contact people. I'd call round or check with the sons if he's OK. It maybe he just wants to move on in his life for whatever reason, but it could also be he's no longer available for Thursday dinners due to ill health or changes in circumstances, and would be pleased to have you visit in his new life.

If he is interested in social media, it's possible that he (or his family) might have a Facebook page.

It's worth taking a look to see whether there are any updates.

I was going to suggest F B too. Maybe his sons are on it. Or their children? We have been contacted recently on F B by a relative we haven't seen for a very long time. On a practical note my daughter has given me a special address book to write all my friends in so that she knows who to contact should I die suddenly. D H wouldn't have much of a clue!

We had a friend whom we saw occasionally but when all became silent we tried to phone and write but there was no reply. He did not have a computer and had no online presence. We didn't know the son's address and suspected our friend had died and no one had let us know. He lived some distance away so eventually I contacted his local vicar and sure enough there had been a funeral.

This is interesting for me. I was away over Christmas and a neighbour with no relatives at all disappeared as if off the face of the earth. She was never on computers and I knew she had carers from a particular company but she always refused to say they were carers correcting you by saying cleaners. No trace of her when I phoned them. Another recently widowed neighbour said she had gone into a certain nursing home. No trace of her there. The hospital was really difficult so I gave up. I then tried later and just asked to be put through to the geriatric ward and someone told me that she had been discharged to another hospital and when I got through to them she had been discharged to a care home. I've yet to visit her but it took a lot of time and and to be honest determination because I felt someone should at least make sure her house was warm for when she came back or at least food in the fridge. I've done this before when she has been in hospital or housebound.
Another friend was widowed late summer and since then having been asked previously to contact her daily so her daughter would know if things were ok I have barely had a phone call or email. So PRINTMISS you are not alone

Sorry that was a bit long but it's very fresh ( yesterday)

How sad for you Printmiss.
I think Elizabeth1's suggestion is a good one - you have nothing to lose and after such a long and mutually beneficial friendship you are entitled to some explanation of what has happened.

If it's any help printmiss i have been on the other side of your problem and totally went into myself. Please try not to take it personally..at the time i just wanted to be in a cave to sort myself out and was incapable of accepting help or even responding to dear friends. On one level i really appreciated knowing they were thinking of me but on another i felt so panic stricken at the thought of having to interact with normal human life again i just couldn't respond. I did start to heal eventually and gradually made contact with my friends again and thank God they understood that it really wasn't anything they had done i just needed time to help myself. The love and affection we felt is unchanged and i really hope it's the same for you.

This sounds as though he has depression , my DH has suffered from this for the last 4 years , he doesn't answer the door or the telephone hasn't been on his computer in all this time , everything is a terrible effort for him, mornings are particularly bad , my advise is to go and see him , in the afternoon or evning .

That is very sad Printmiss. It reminds me sadly of a friend of mine too. A year ago and quite out of the blue she tried to take her own life. She survived but has been in a psyschiatric hospital since then. She was a wonderful caring person, a deeply christian person and a Macmillan nurse. She spent many years looking after terminally ill adults and children.
A mutual friend heard about this and told me but there has been no contact from the family or from the friend in spite of many cards and letters. Another personal experience makes me wonder if people so involved with caring and bereavement all their life might sometimes come to a breaking point. Or on retirement feel they no longer have a purpose. My friend is 71this year. I do hope you manage to make contact and that your friend knows you are thinking of him.

How old is he? Are you quite sure he hasn't met a new lady? It's very possible he's having the time of his life and is completely taken up with it!

I had a friend who had to go into a home at a very young age because she had a degenerative illness and I sent cards, updates etc occasionally; I didn't expect to hear from her because I knew she would get worse and not be able to write.
However, one Christmas I phoned the home to see how she was only to be told she had died two years previously. There is no reason why her H should have contacted me as he had 'moved on' but I was upset nonetheless.

Perhaps he is depressed, perhaps he has a new lady as someone said. It is very sad - perhaps one more letter to him saying that you would really like to know how he is and that you have good memories of all that he did in the past and wishing him all the best for the future.

You have known him a long time... I'd go round in person to see what is happening as others suggested. Take a small gift maybe as an excuse?

Sadly we are getting to the age where sudden illnesses or hospitalisations can happen quickly. My SIL was taken very ill a few years ago and the family totally went incommunicado. Her DH was so busy and stressed and DD was very upset and trying to cope with her studies. We would have contacted some of her friends she used to have coffee with, but didn't know how as they were not in our circle.

A personal visit sounds a good idea, if that's possible.

We had a similar situation with an elderly uncle who suddenly disappeared. This was 20 years ago so pre-social media. I ended up writing to a next-door-neighbour - I didn't know them or their name so just addressed it to The Occupiers - to ask if they knew anything.

They wrote back very quickly to say he had gone into a home and gave us the details. Sadly, we weren't able to see him again but at least we heard when he died shortly and were able to go to the funeral to say goodbye.

Is it possible he might have passed away and sons too upset to contact you, maybe.

You can look up addresses on an electoral roll website to contact him or his children.