My most embarasing moment? Derek & Clive

I had a similar experience GrannyLondon, my elderly Aunt came to stay, a single lady never had a relationship with anyone to my knowledge. Every time we switched on the TV there would be some normally innocuous programme suddenly full of sex scenes. What to do ? ignore it, make some comment about poor morals today or do what I did and vanish into the kitchen leaving the children to deal with it.

We had a 14 year old French boy staying with us on an exchange visit - he drove us nuts as he said NOTHING and was totally unresponsive to all out efforts to engage him in conversation or activities. In the end I tried to get him to watch a David Attenborough programme - I bigged it up as being really good and everyone over here watches it etc. etc. - really I just wanted him occupied for an hour as we were all getting exhausted.

The boy reluctantly sat himself down and I switched it on - it turned out to be a programme on reproduction! - wall-to-wall bonking from every conceivable animal!!

I was on a very busy train with my 6 yr old G/Daughter, in a loud voice she said "Daddy liked the handcuffs Mummy gave him for his Birthday" well everyone in the train carriage stopped talking and looked in my direction, i could feel my face going redder and redder, i said "oh i think you have got the wrong name for them" she said "no Nanny they were handcuffs " i just wanted the ground to swallow me up as this was too much info on what my son and his wife did in their home, G/daughter then said "you know Nanny those handcuff things Daddy puts in the end of his shirts on the cuffs !!!! well with that the people in the carriage started smiling when i said to her "oh you mean cuff links !!!! ,"yes thats what i meant Nanny" !!! when i got off the train a lady stopped me and said" i dont think i will ever forget that conversation , i told her nor would i ,lol.

I needed something to make me laugh today jacksmum and that did it,thank you!

Many years ago were were invited to dinner by a colleague of my husband and his wife, who I didn't know that well. Everyone was making small talk before the meal and I was telling them that we had some very odd neighbours. I said 'they eat sprout tops - can you imagine, yuk?' Our hostess replied 'we've got those for dinner tonight'. If the ground could have swallowed me up.... I actually love sprout tops now but had never heard of anyone eating them back then.

lol emmasnan ,it still makes me laugh when i think about it, my g/daughter is almost 18 yrs old and it is something i will never forget.
Glad it made you laugh ,XX

We took my MiL who was very proper to the theatre to see a Ruth Rendell (I think) play - we and she thought it would be a detective drama - Inspector Wexford I think. It wasn't. I think it was the naked lesbian sex scene at the end of the first act that upset her the most; She wanted to leave the theatre there and then!

I feel for you KatyK. What happened after that. Did you manage to retrieve the situation and did you ever see them again?

When my children were little, my neighbour used to give me Mills & Boon romances. I never read them and would give them to the charity shop. One day my four year old son said to her "mum said would you stop giving her those trashy books"! I wanted the ground to swallow me up. She was quite hurt and said I should have told her I didn't want them. I never got any more after that!

Staying in a rather "posh" hotel with two and a half year old twin boys, one of whom decided he needed the loo. Husband nobly took both, on returning to packed lounge number one son said in a very loud voice. "mummy, I did a wee wee, and Peter did a wee wee, and Daddy......dramatic pause.....did a great BIG wee wee".

When my kids were little there was another mum at school who always looked miserable. I used to refer to her as Misery Guts. We were in post office one day when she came
In and my daughter said in a loud voice " oh look mum there's Misery Guts". Suppose I deserved that one!

Feb 14th, posh restaurant and my charming 4 year old, dressed in her best taffetta, sticky out frock, with many petticoats. Man at next table trying to propose to GF, he seemed fidgety.

DH went off to toilet and DD announced 'dad is going to do a wee with his big willy now...or a poo' my eldest daughter and I began to look very hard at the pudding menu, DH appeared and was baffled as to why everyone was looking. He may have got a round of applause can't remember now, might have been a few (undeserved) envious glances.

Not long after, madam said she felt 'poorly sick' and ran around the tables vomiting..it flew down her taffeta flounces as if they were a chute........splattering all and sundry.

The place was owned by friends who had allowed us in on Valentines evening because we were decorating at home............

We were having afternoon tea one day with elderly aunt DM & MIL when a fashion show came on TV with a section on lingerie. Eldest son age 15 was embarrassed and said that's not very nice to watch to which younger son replied well it's just like the magazines you have under your bed!! Cue DH and DB rushing upstairs to investigate leaving a red faced me trying to explain what was happening to elderly aunt who is hard of hearing what was going on

Not us luckily but on holiday a small girl came out onto balcony next to our apartment - introduced herself & promptly announced that Daddy had been trying on Mummy's knickers & now they were having a lie down!
She had woken up from her afternoon nap & come out for some company (quite safe to be out there). We did get to now the family well
(still do) & told them later about it- they have never lived it down!

Apologies if I have posted this story on a similar thread but the memory still makes me cringe. Many years ago an aunt showed me round an empty house which her daughter had recently bought but not moved into yet. As we stepped in she said it had lots of potential but the previous owners had appalling taste. We looked into a few rooms and in one I commented that I agreed about the bad taste. She replied that daughter and husband had just finished doing that room! My DH later commented that even I couldn't get out of that one.

I work with children and earlier this week they were competing with which one of their dads had the biggest willy. "My dad's got a big one". My dad's got a very big one!" I'm sure their dad's would be proud to hear!! They are both under three!

Standing at a bustop with my 2 year old chatterbox. As a police car drove past she announced to all and sundry, " that's my friends, I've been in their car," The thing was she was right, 3 days before, she had wandered off and had to be returned by the police in their car. I didn't want to have to explain to the queue about this. None of it reflected well on my parenting skills. She did survive though and is now a grownup 46 yearold with 3 children . It was okay in the end but embarrassing at the time.

When my daughter was about 3 and she used go to the toilet I used to tell to wipe her waddle with toilet paper. My mum came one afternoon and my daughter followed her in the toilet I thought my mum would have sent her out but she came out laughing and said she said don't forget to wipe your waddle nanny. So glad my mum had a good sense of humour. ?

I was taking my 3 year old daughter home from nursery on a very packed bus.We were sitting on a side seat at the back with several people stood in front of us.I asked my daughter to sit on my lap so that someone could have a seat,something that she normally did quite happily.However,on this occasion,she suddenly grabbed the hand of a young man standing with his back to me and pulled him down onto my lap,saying "you can sit here!"I don't know who was more embarrassed,me or the young man.It certainly gave the other passengers a good laugh though!

When I first started teaching it was the norm for children to start the week by writing their diaries of what they had done at the weekend.
Sometimes it could be very illuminating as you can imagine.
One parents' evening a mum was clearly a bit embarrassed about what her daughter had written. (We used to have all the children's books out for the parents to look at).
My response was to say with a smile, "If you just believe 50% of what she tells you about me, I'll believe 50% of what she tells me about you."
In a personal capacity my most embarrassing time was queuing at the supermarket checkout with my voluble 3 year old and her proclaiming about the man in front of us, "That man's got a penis like my daddy hasn't he?" I felt like saying that I'd have to check but didn't!

Not particularly embarassing but a funny story. I was on the bus with my husband going into town and suddenly remembered I hadn't told him about a conversation I'd had with our 6 year old grandson the day before when we were having a picnic at the park. He'd suddenly asked me "where do babies come from Grandma?" I thought- well I won't tell him a load of rubbish but was a bit stuck. So I started by saying "well everyone has a Mummy and a Daddy"-when he said "someone at school said the fairies brought them but I said no-they come from the hospital" so of course I said yes that's right and left it at that-At this the 2 ladies sat in front of us on the bus turned round and said-we were wondering how you got out of that!! It taught me to always think that someone could be listening in!!

My daughters teacher (primary 1) called me into school one day to ask why my daughter told her she'd had crack at the weekend! ! She'd had crackling. .. off the roast pork!!
When she was 3 in a busy waiting room she asked very loudly 'is that lady getting married??'. It was a Muslim lady dressed in white with the full cover up on!
When she was in her buggy (18months or so) she lifted the back of a ladies dress up in a supermarket queue! I was so embarrassed ?
I heard a small boy ask his mum in a packed McDonald's 'mummy why doesn't daddy love you any more??'.
I felt so sorry for her ?

I was talking to a taxi driver the other day about the funny/embarrassing things that children say and he told me about his brother - a Gorblimey type and his similarly verbally challenged wife who were invited to an achingly posh wedding with their 6 year old daughter. They really didn't want to go - nervous about strange cutlery, superior folk and a general feeling of not belonging. But they felt obliged to go and in fact coped splendidly- it was not as daunting as they'd feared.
Then after the meal, in a lull waiting for the speeches, their daughter turned conversationally to the other couples on the table and enquired ' and what have all you fuckers been up to lately?' Oops.