My most embarasing moment? Derek & Clive

Years ago we were Cub Scout leaders and always took our cubs to camp for 2 weeks. Leaders and husbands always helped with washing up etc., it was normally done outside on a nice evening. One evening I could see from the hut window that one of the husbands was obviously getting hot under the collar. We called him in on some pretence or other to see what was up. He said the boys had started to talk about their teacher who had collapsed in the toilet at school whilst using her sex machine. The ambulance had to be called to help her.

Many years later we still think of this incident and many other conversations we had with the boys.

When DD was about two and a half we entered her in the Village Fairy Princess competition. The contestants all had to go and speak to the judges before they made their decision. Afterwards the head judge (the postmistress) came over and said "We would really have liked to choose her, but we thought she was a little too young. She told us such interesting things about you!" We moved soon afterwards, I hate to think what she might have said

It was my husband who unintentionally caused embarrassment in our local Tesco. The tinned desserts had been moved from their usual shelf and he enquired of a young lad stocking the shelves "Where do you keep your spotted dick now?"

Our daughter booked afternoon tea at Clarridges as a surprise my my hubbys 60th Birthday ( far too up market for us )
So we arrive myself , hubby daughter son in law, and two year old Granddaughter.
Our granddaughter had been suffering from a water infection bless her,
We sat down to a beautiful set table I noticed a few disapproving looks from some people who obviously didn't approve of children being there.
Our granddaughter was behaving herself when all at once she jumped up put her hand inside her leggings and shouted out My Badgers hurting.
Everyone stopped looked around at us.
I'm not sure who died first , our daughter picked her up and ran to find the loo.
I still remember that day with a smile.

I once told the receptionist at out favourite hotel that she had a big blob of ink on her face. 'actually, it's a birthmark!' she said.

I still go hot thinking about it and it's at least 10 years ago!

Maccy I seem to recall I muddled my way through the dinner, feeling hot and mortified the whole time! We did see them again but every time we did I felt my face go red. The chap was a work colleague of my DH's and we didn't see them after DH left the company a hort time later

GrannyLondon - I can imagine your embarrassment. I've always loved Pete and Dud, but once ventured into their Derek and Clive series on youtube, and realised, not quite the same .

Sorry to repeat that, thought it hadn't posted the first time.

We were watching the film Battle of Britain on TV. In one scene there was an air raid, and a couple in bed got out and went to the window to look out. The man was naked, and all of us looked at each other and there was a sharp intake of breath because my very old great aunt, who was a spinster, was watching. Then she said 'he'll catch his death of cold if he's not more careful'.

We were watching the film Battle of Britain on TV. In one part of the film there was an air raid and the couple in bed got out, went to the window to look out, but the man was naked. My very old great aunt, who had never married, was watching. There was a very sharp intake of breath from all of us . Then she said 'good grief, he'll catch his death of cold if he's not careful.

I was talking to a taxi driver the other day about the funny/embarrassing things that children say and he told me about his brother - a Gorblimey type and his similarly verbally challenged wife who were invited to an achingly posh wedding with their 6 year old daughter. They really didn't want to go - nervous about strange cutlery, superior folk and a general feeling of not belonging. But they felt obliged to go and in fact coped splendidly- it was not as daunting as they'd feared.
Then after the meal, in a lull waiting for the speeches, their daughter turned conversationally to the other couples on the table and enquired ' and what have all you fuckers been up to lately?' Oops.

My daughters teacher (primary 1) called me into school one day to ask why my daughter told her she'd had crack at the weekend! ! She'd had crackling. .. off the roast pork!!
When she was 3 in a busy waiting room she asked very loudly 'is that lady getting married??'. It was a Muslim lady dressed in white with the full cover up on!
When she was in her buggy (18months or so) she lifted the back of a ladies dress up in a supermarket queue! I was so embarrassed ?
I heard a small boy ask his mum in a packed McDonald's 'mummy why doesn't daddy love you any more??'.
I felt so sorry for her ?

Not particularly embarassing but a funny story. I was on the bus with my husband going into town and suddenly remembered I hadn't told him about a conversation I'd had with our 6 year old grandson the day before when we were having a picnic at the park. He'd suddenly asked me "where do babies come from Grandma?" I thought- well I won't tell him a load of rubbish but was a bit stuck. So I started by saying "well everyone has a Mummy and a Daddy"-when he said "someone at school said the fairies brought them but I said no-they come from the hospital" so of course I said yes that's right and left it at that-At this the 2 ladies sat in front of us on the bus turned round and said-we were wondering how you got out of that!! It taught me to always think that someone could be listening in!!

When I first started teaching it was the norm for children to start the week by writing their diaries of what they had done at the weekend.
Sometimes it could be very illuminating as you can imagine.
One parents' evening a mum was clearly a bit embarrassed about what her daughter had written. (We used to have all the children's books out for the parents to look at).
My response was to say with a smile, "If you just believe 50% of what she tells you about me, I'll believe 50% of what she tells me about you."
In a personal capacity my most embarrassing time was queuing at the supermarket checkout with my voluble 3 year old and her proclaiming about the man in front of us, "That man's got a penis like my daddy hasn't he?" I felt like saying that I'd have to check but didn't!

I was taking my 3 year old daughter home from nursery on a very packed bus.We were sitting on a side seat at the back with several people stood in front of us.I asked my daughter to sit on my lap so that someone could have a seat,something that she normally did quite happily.However,on this occasion,she suddenly grabbed the hand of a young man standing with his back to me and pulled him down onto my lap,saying "you can sit here!"I don't know who was more embarrassed,me or the young man.It certainly gave the other passengers a good laugh though!

When my daughter was about 3 and she used go to the toilet I used to tell to wipe her waddle with toilet paper. My mum came one afternoon and my daughter followed her in the toilet I thought my mum would have sent her out but she came out laughing and said she said don't forget to wipe your waddle nanny. So glad my mum had a good sense of humour. ?

Standing at a bustop with my 2 year old chatterbox. As a police car drove past she announced to all and sundry, " that's my friends, I've been in their car," The thing was she was right, 3 days before, she had wandered off and had to be returned by the police in their car. I didn't want to have to explain to the queue about this. None of it reflected well on my parenting skills. She did survive though and is now a grownup 46 yearold with 3 children . It was okay in the end but embarrassing at the time.

I work with children and earlier this week they were competing with which one of their dads had the biggest willy. "My dad's got a big one". My dad's got a very big one!" I'm sure their dad's would be proud to hear!! They are both under three!

Apologies if I have posted this story on a similar thread but the memory still makes me cringe. Many years ago an aunt showed me round an empty house which her daughter had recently bought but not moved into yet. As we stepped in she said it had lots of potential but the previous owners had appalling taste. We looked into a few rooms and in one I commented that I agreed about the bad taste. She replied that daughter and husband had just finished doing that room! My DH later commented that even I couldn't get out of that one.

Not us luckily but on holiday a small girl came out onto balcony next to our apartment - introduced herself & promptly announced that Daddy had been trying on Mummy's knickers & now they were having a lie down!
She had woken up from her afternoon nap & come out for some company (quite safe to be out there). We did get to now the family well
(still do) & told them later about it- they have never lived it down!

We were having afternoon tea one day with elderly aunt DM & MIL when a fashion show came on TV with a section on lingerie. Eldest son age 15 was embarrassed and said that's not very nice to watch to which younger son replied well it's just like the magazines you have under your bed!! Cue DH and DB rushing upstairs to investigate leaving a red faced me trying to explain what was happening to elderly aunt who is hard of hearing what was going on

Feb 14th, posh restaurant and my charming 4 year old, dressed in her best taffetta, sticky out frock, with many petticoats. Man at next table trying to propose to GF, he seemed fidgety.

DH went off to toilet and DD announced 'dad is going to do a wee with his big willy now...or a poo' my eldest daughter and I began to look very hard at the pudding menu, DH appeared and was baffled as to why everyone was looking. He may have got a round of applause can't remember now, might have been a few (undeserved) envious glances.

Not long after, madam said she felt 'poorly sick' and ran around the tables vomiting..it flew down her taffeta flounces as if they were a chute........splattering all and sundry.

The place was owned by friends who had allowed us in on Valentines evening because we were decorating at home............

When my kids were little there was another mum at school who always looked miserable. I used to refer to her as Misery Guts. We were in post office one day when she came
In and my daughter said in a loud voice " oh look mum there's Misery Guts". Suppose I deserved that one!

Staying in a rather "posh" hotel with two and a half year old twin boys, one of whom decided he needed the loo. Husband nobly took both, on returning to packed lounge number one son said in a very loud voice. "mummy, I did a wee wee, and Peter did a wee wee, and Daddy......dramatic pause.....did a great BIG wee wee".

When my children were little, my neighbour used to give me Mills & Boon romances. I never read them and would give them to the charity shop. One day my four year old son said to her "mum said would you stop giving her those trashy books"! I wanted the ground to swallow me up. She was quite hurt and said I should have told her I didn't want them. I never got any more after that!