Friend buys presents even though we agreed not to

I don't think you can. It must give her pleasure to buy you gifts, even though she can't afford it. All you can do is give her a mock telling off and make a bit of a joke of it. I know I would feel the same as you in these circumstances.

I think kindly honesty is the best policy here! Send her a thank you card saying how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness but no more thank you, let's save the money and meet for lunch/tea/ theatre trip instead as her company is more valuable than a gift!

That's exactly right Penstemmon, a good compromise without giving offence.

Oh let her have her pleasure There is no way of saying ' no more' without offending she knows the rules so isn't expecting anything back but obviously gets all her pleasure from giving you something I would accept it as that and not spoil her fun

I think pen's idea is a good one. Re bluebelle's comment, it's all very well trying not to offend the person who has broken the agreement but what about holding the feelings of the gift recipients in as high regard and respecting them by sticking to the mutual agreement? If one person's feelings are important, so are those of another.

Besides, anyone who takes offence because of the kind of thing pen suggested gets no sympathy from me. I think such offence-taking would be very self-centred.

I hope you can find something that works and stops you feeling sad, MTD.

I think this giving is not something to ignore. It is a form of emotional blackmail. MTdancer and her friend have made an agreement not to exchange gifts, then the friend continues to do so. By so doing she is making MT feel uncomfortable and at a disadvantage compared with her

I think Penstemmon's approach is right, and if she does it again quite simply return the gift with a reminder of the agreement.

A friend of mine bought a present last Christmas after we had agreed the previous year we would stop ?. I thanked her but pointed out I hadn't bought for her as thought that was the agreement, she had indeed forgotten. This year she actually said prior to Christmas, we are not buying presents are we, which was good!

I wouldn't say anything now, just a thank you. Then as your birthday or hers approaches, say that you/she can take each other out for a coffee and cake for a treat and the same on the other birthday. Then at that time say that you can do something similar for Christmas. Say that to spend time together is much more important than a gift or to get you a keyring or magnet, something which you will use every day. She may just want to buy for someone, she may not have anyone to buy a gift for. Accept it for the token it is supposed to be with good grace if she still doesn't take the hint. She obviously treasures you as a friend.

I have a friend who always buys me a present, even though I have asked her not to, and I don't buy her one, I keep telling her not to, but when we meet up I'll buy her a coffee or lunch and I'll say " that's my present to you!", hoping she'll take the hint. I'm still hoping!

Every year, my neighbour who is a retired doctor and should know better, gives me a large box of chocolates. I need these like a hole in the head, lovely as they are but I have to lose weight if I want my knee replaced. I never return his gift and he does not listen but I will try again but I will wait until summer.

Just keep not gifting or suggest a nice lunch somewhere or afternoon tea or activity that you can do instead. I do this with my friends than send gifts. Or suggest a donation to charity so at least the money is going somewhere good.

I agree that it's emotional blackmail. The friend wants to get one over on you by making you feel uncomfortable. She may not be doing it intentionally as such, but the outcome is the same. Maybe she's insecure and associates giving with love/affection/attention but that's not the point; she's broken the agreement and put you on the back foot.

I remember my Mother saying it is much easier to give than receive. Being a gracious receiver is a skill in itself. Our fault is in 'having' to give because we have received. Let everyone do their own thing methinks and have no feeling of awkwardness. We are talking about FRIENDS here?

Please don't return the gift it would hurt her feelings. She may be one of these people who enjoys giving and expecting nothing in return. I have a friend like that and when we went out, I bought her coffee and cake in a patisserie, she and I both enjoyed that.

Ts everyone. My friend moved 200 miles away last month so we won't be meeting up again soon!
I did send her a thank you telling her she was naughty even though her presents were lovely.
I know she won't listen though as I have done this before. Our birthdays are next month and I know she will do the same again but I am not, cannot afford to, sending her anything other than a lovely hand made card which I make myself.
In the far past, when she was married, she could easily afford presents, but not now. She has 2 daughters to buy for and one of her daughters is getting married next year so I know she needs to save for that too.
I can do no more except keep telling her not to.

I made a friend once whilst both on the same course in France. We frequently went out for a meal or a coffee and cake but she would never let me pay.
One day I said to her, "You know you are incredibly selfish!" Her mouth dropped open and she replied that she was paying her way.
My response was to point out to her that she was selfish because she was always denying me the pleasure of being generous in return. We talked about it afterwards and she had never considered it that way, and we did stay friends for the duration of the course.

Giving to others and expecting nothing in return maybe an altruistic action by your friend. It may not be an attempt to get one over you.

The term altruism may also refer to an ethical doctrine that claims that individuals are morally obliged to benefit others. Used in this sense, it is usually contrasted with egoism, which is defined as acting to the benefit of one's self. (See internet reference)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism

I appreciate you are left with items you do not want. when I get these I put them in a box labelled raffle and hand them to the first person I hear of who is going to a function with a raffle.
OR
Is your friend a church goer - you may be able to give her gifts to a church for use in Sunday school or by voluteers who support the church.

It would seem a good idea to try to shift towards an activity together. Though if the gift is motivated by altruism you may need to do something together to help others rather than enjoy yourselves on a trip out.

My mother always taught us to accept all gifts graciously no matter what they were. It's not up to you to decide whether she can afford them or not. It obviously gives her pleasure to give you small gifts. At least accept them without complaints and moans.

100% agree with NIPSMUM.

Wouldn't the bookmarks look good, next to each other, in a photo frame! Re the diaries......are there occasions when you are out and about and you need to write something down.....don't use them as diaries....use them to make notes. Mention, kindly, that you have put them to good use for this purpose but, ordinarily, you use electronic devices to keep tabs on things. Re the bookmarks....they were too lovely to use so you have framed them but, also, you read electronically. Maybe suggest, instead of her giving gifts you arrange a lunch out with her. Often company is all some people require....I know at is the case with my mil. Good luck.

She's not a child she's doing what she wants, accept graciously and let her enjoy the pleasure of giving. How lucky you that someone thinks are are such a wonderful friend just be happy.

My friend and I were on very tight budgets this Christmas. She has just bought a new house and I am saving to take my daughter to eurodisney, so neither of us had a lot to spare for gifts. We talked at length about who we had to buy for and one of her issues was the amount of presents she felt obliged to buy for friends children. She said she enjoyed doing it, but it had now got to the stage where there were 25 children to buy for every Christmas and it was just too much money to spend.
I'm a single mum to an 8yr old, I have an elderly mum who I also take care of as she is practically housebound and the remainder of my family have their own lives that don't involve us.
I told my friend that to me, a "promise book" of childcare "vouchers" once a month for a couple of hours, or just meeting up with me for a cuppa and a catch up (and a grown up conversation) would be present enough, The one thing I never ever ever have enough of is time for myself.
I love my mum and my daughter with everything in me, but sometimes I need space to just be myself so I can look after both of them to my best ability, and having someone offer me their time or a listening ear, or tea after school for my girl while I have a hair appointment (or something) would be the absolute best gift in the world!
I completely understand that she wants to give you a gift, and I totally understand how uncomfortable you feel receiving them - its so hard and there is so much pressure to give and spend cash at Christmas.
Another of my friends does a thing with hs best friend where they set a limit on how much they spend, so say, no more than £2, and they have to buy one another the most outrageous/funny/blue/tasty/huge gift they can find for not one penny more than that amount. He says he really loves buying that present every year because they have a chat to arrange it, the challenge of finding the right thing and then they meet up and watch one another open it! Usually with coffee and mince pies and lots of laughing. I must admit, I hope I can find a friend to do that with, I think it would be fun!
I have bought 2 diaries this year - one as a diary because I am so forgetful and scatty, and one where can write a sentence each day about something good or funny that has happened or been said, my girl is growing fast, and time with loved ones doesn't last forever. It will be nice when I am older to look back and read those little memories - maybe you could do something similar, and show your friend over coffee next Christmas??

Only you knows if your friend simply forgets, or gets pleasure from buying you things.
In a similar situation, a friend of mine had actually forgotten, understanadble though, as we had agreed to forget about birthday presents and just do a token Christmas present.Another friend and I exchange a birthday present but don't do Christmas presents anymore!

What a nice thoughtful friend you have but I know where you're coming from with only using an e reader and electronic address book. If it hadn't have been for the latter a lot of family members wouldn't have received Christmas cards! Nice sentiment but a difficult one to find a happy medium!