Friend buys presents even though we agreed not to

Wonder if she has forgotten what you decided. I know I would also have felt annoyed. Though once visiting my Mums friend I took her some homemade mince pies which I thought was a lovely thing to do and she said ' you shouldn't have bothered" over and over THAT I wish I hadn't.

First of all I would not have agreed not to send presents. A bunch of flowers out of the garden or something you make yourself costs nothing. Secondly I would not return the gift I would just say thank you. She has probably forgotten that you agreed not to send presents last year. There is joy in giving as well as receiving imo. Next time you see her treat her to a fancy cake and a cup of tea.

thanks for the comments everyone

My God there's some miserable posts here..one upmanship, emotional blackmail,return the present!..whatever happened to just being glad you're still friends after all these years despite the others' little quirks? Have a laugh and move on. True friends are too valuable to lose, appreciate the qualities which make her a friend in the first place.

I think after 12 months we sometimes forget what we agreed the previous year. The same with cards. We used to give/post loads but with the postage going up so much, many of our friends in groups agreed to put to one of the local charities instead. We still give to "special" friends and family of course but sometimes get given one from others. I just say thank you very much and a happy Christmas to you too and explain why we don't do it any more. They seem fine with that. Well they're still talking to us Lol.

I agree with those who say accept graciously. Don't deny her the pleasure of choosing and giving.

Couple of posts saying she was probably trying a bit of one up man ship seem a little harsh. Surely not or perhaps I'm being naive.

I received an expected gift from a friend this year. Just gave her a big hug and thank you. It was a lovely surprise ....

Whoops you said diary! I use my electronic diary too!

What a nice thoughtful friend you have but I know where you're coming from with only using an e reader and electronic address book. If it hadn't have been for the latter a lot of family members wouldn't have received Christmas cards! Nice sentiment but a difficult one to find a happy medium!

Only you knows if your friend simply forgets, or gets pleasure from buying you things.
In a similar situation, a friend of mine had actually forgotten, understanadble though, as we had agreed to forget about birthday presents and just do a token Christmas present.Another friend and I exchange a birthday present but don't do Christmas presents anymore!

My friend and I were on very tight budgets this Christmas. She has just bought a new house and I am saving to take my daughter to eurodisney, so neither of us had a lot to spare for gifts. We talked at length about who we had to buy for and one of her issues was the amount of presents she felt obliged to buy for friends children. She said she enjoyed doing it, but it had now got to the stage where there were 25 children to buy for every Christmas and it was just too much money to spend.
I'm a single mum to an 8yr old, I have an elderly mum who I also take care of as she is practically housebound and the remainder of my family have their own lives that don't involve us.
I told my friend that to me, a "promise book" of childcare "vouchers" once a month for a couple of hours, or just meeting up with me for a cuppa and a catch up (and a grown up conversation) would be present enough, The one thing I never ever ever have enough of is time for myself.
I love my mum and my daughter with everything in me, but sometimes I need space to just be myself so I can look after both of them to my best ability, and having someone offer me their time or a listening ear, or tea after school for my girl while I have a hair appointment (or something) would be the absolute best gift in the world!
I completely understand that she wants to give you a gift, and I totally understand how uncomfortable you feel receiving them - its so hard and there is so much pressure to give and spend cash at Christmas.
Another of my friends does a thing with hs best friend where they set a limit on how much they spend, so say, no more than £2, and they have to buy one another the most outrageous/funny/blue/tasty/huge gift they can find for not one penny more than that amount. He says he really loves buying that present every year because they have a chat to arrange it, the challenge of finding the right thing and then they meet up and watch one another open it! Usually with coffee and mince pies and lots of laughing. I must admit, I hope I can find a friend to do that with, I think it would be fun!
I have bought 2 diaries this year - one as a diary because I am so forgetful and scatty, and one where can write a sentence each day about something good or funny that has happened or been said, my girl is growing fast, and time with loved ones doesn't last forever. It will be nice when I am older to look back and read those little memories - maybe you could do something similar, and show your friend over coffee next Christmas??

She's not a child she's doing what she wants, accept graciously and let her enjoy the pleasure of giving. How lucky you that someone thinks are are such a wonderful friend just be happy.

Wouldn't the bookmarks look good, next to each other, in a photo frame! Re the diaries......are there occasions when you are out and about and you need to write something down.....don't use them as diaries....use them to make notes. Mention, kindly, that you have put them to good use for this purpose but, ordinarily, you use electronic devices to keep tabs on things. Re the bookmarks....they were too lovely to use so you have framed them but, also, you read electronically. Maybe suggest, instead of her giving gifts you arrange a lunch out with her. Often company is all some people require....I know at is the case with my mil. Good luck.

100% agree with NIPSMUM.

My mother always taught us to accept all gifts graciously no matter what they were. It's not up to you to decide whether she can afford them or not. It obviously gives her pleasure to give you small gifts. At least accept them without complaints and moans.

Giving to others and expecting nothing in return maybe an altruistic action by your friend. It may not be an attempt to get one over you.

The term altruism may also refer to an ethical doctrine that claims that individuals are morally obliged to benefit others. Used in this sense, it is usually contrasted with egoism, which is defined as acting to the benefit of one's self. (See internet reference)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism

I appreciate you are left with items you do not want. when I get these I put them in a box labelled raffle and hand them to the first person I hear of who is going to a function with a raffle.
OR
Is your friend a church goer - you may be able to give her gifts to a church for use in Sunday school or by voluteers who support the church.

It would seem a good idea to try to shift towards an activity together. Though if the gift is motivated by altruism you may need to do something together to help others rather than enjoy yourselves on a trip out.

I made a friend once whilst both on the same course in France. We frequently went out for a meal or a coffee and cake but she would never let me pay.
One day I said to her, "You know you are incredibly selfish!" Her mouth dropped open and she replied that she was paying her way.
My response was to point out to her that she was selfish because she was always denying me the pleasure of being generous in return. We talked about it afterwards and she had never considered it that way, and we did stay friends for the duration of the course.

Ts everyone. My friend moved 200 miles away last month so we won't be meeting up again soon!
I did send her a thank you telling her she was naughty even though her presents were lovely.
I know she won't listen though as I have done this before. Our birthdays are next month and I know she will do the same again but I am not, cannot afford to, sending her anything other than a lovely hand made card which I make myself.
In the far past, when she was married, she could easily afford presents, but not now. She has 2 daughters to buy for and one of her daughters is getting married next year so I know she needs to save for that too.
I can do no more except keep telling her not to.

Please don't return the gift it would hurt her feelings. She may be one of these people who enjoys giving and expecting nothing in return. I have a friend like that and when we went out, I bought her coffee and cake in a patisserie, she and I both enjoyed that.

I remember my Mother saying it is much easier to give than receive. Being a gracious receiver is a skill in itself. Our fault is in 'having' to give because we have received. Let everyone do their own thing methinks and have no feeling of awkwardness. We are talking about FRIENDS here?

I agree that it's emotional blackmail. The friend wants to get one over on you by making you feel uncomfortable. She may not be doing it intentionally as such, but the outcome is the same. Maybe she's insecure and associates giving with love/affection/attention but that's not the point; she's broken the agreement and put you on the back foot.

Just keep not gifting or suggest a nice lunch somewhere or afternoon tea or activity that you can do instead. I do this with my friends than send gifts. Or suggest a donation to charity so at least the money is going somewhere good.

Every year, my neighbour who is a retired doctor and should know better, gives me a large box of chocolates. I need these like a hole in the head, lovely as they are but I have to lose weight if I want my knee replaced. I never return his gift and he does not listen but I will try again but I will wait until summer.

I have a friend who always buys me a present, even though I have asked her not to, and I don't buy her one, I keep telling her not to, but when we meet up I'll buy her a coffee or lunch and I'll say " that's my present to you!", hoping she'll take the hint. I'm still hoping!

I wouldn't say anything now, just a thank you. Then as your birthday or hers approaches, say that you/she can take each other out for a coffee and cake for a treat and the same on the other birthday. Then at that time say that you can do something similar for Christmas. Say that to spend time together is much more important than a gift or to get you a keyring or magnet, something which you will use every day. She may just want to buy for someone, she may not have anyone to buy a gift for. Accept it for the token it is supposed to be with good grace if she still doesn't take the hint. She obviously treasures you as a friend.

A friend of mine bought a present last Christmas after we had agreed the previous year we would stop ?. I thanked her but pointed out I hadn't bought for her as thought that was the agreement, she had indeed forgotten. This year she actually said prior to Christmas, we are not buying presents are we, which was good!