Presents for grandchildren rejected

BlueBelle you need to re-read my post! I said, jokingly, that to save all the fuss I would get my husband to buy all the presents next year.. Oh forget it lol. I was specifically asked not to give the children a stocking so I didn't.

Am I the only person who thinks it odd that they don't have to be taught manners,but they're worried about them being spoilt?
No, you're not Marmark1

I would suggest they buy a big plastic box from Wilkos and put some of the toys away in the attic and get them out over the year - on a boring rainy day some new Playdo or Lego could be very welcome.
Or are they not allowed Lego and Playdo?

Ruined Christmas - what tosh!

If parents specifically say they do not want a lot of gifts for children and a grandparent ignores that request then they must expect to get a bit of a cold shoulder from the family! If however presents were bought innocently to provide fun and laughter at Christmas then the parents are being a bit mean spirited. Perhaps the parents want to provide the Xmas stocking they felt grandparents are taking over that role and feltundermined? Still people can say things thoughtfully rather than rudely!

Dear Happygran, I really think you need to listen to these parents and respect their wishes. I know you meant well, but perhaps it overshadowed their presents and those of other grand parents. Perhaps discuss what would be acceptable to them and listen to their point of view.

Loopy loo yes I have certainly learned my lesson. As I said it will just be money next year.

I wonder what kind of teenagers and adults they will grow up to be if not going to school nor being taught to say thank you. As a gran it is easy to not always 'tread carefully'. When I read on here how so many of our children treat their parents it makes me very sad. Don't get too upset Happygran,is this the first time it has happened, and how old are the children.

Hi Sara

My grandson is 4 and granddaughter is 3. I have always avoided conflict by always consulting them about everything but guess I got a little slack thus time.

It seems unkind to the little children to only give money next year, meaning they have nothing at all to open from you.

It shouldn't be hard to find out what their parents see as suitable, and to buy that for them.

Your son was very rude to you, but the important point is to try to have everyone happy next christmas.

But that's what they have asked me to do! I can't win can I?

They even told my sister off for buying the children a sticker book each!

That Bags.. You're not going to hear the sons version on Gransntet are you? So no need for you to come to any conclusion.

They may think you have ruined their Christmas, but your son and DIL have ruined the children's Christmas by making such a fuss about their presents. If they thought you had bought too much the obvious thing to do was to put some away and bring them out another time. My children often ration some of their children's presents if they feel they've had enough. There's no need to be unpleasant and rude about it. Presumably the children won't be made to send thankyou letters.

Next year I would give them a (small) cheque and tell them to buy something "suitable"

Maggiemaybe.. It wasn't dismissive because, at that point in the thread, she hadn't aactually read the thread.. Maybe time for some logic... With respect.

Thanks for your support Karen

If the parents have asked you to give money then, yes, just do that.

All that and not even a thank you? Something radically wrong I think,
Another one of those situations where you just have to let it go.Smile and be polite [even if they're not] then go home and let them get on with it.I doubt the kids will be very likeable.
Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear.

I know that my DIL has strong feelings about what is acceptable as gifts for my granddaughters. I therefore give money, my son buys them a suitable gift each that he knows they will love and wraps it up with a tag from grandma. This year they both received fairy wings and showed them off to me on FaceTime, their joy was delightful when they thanked me for them and the dance lessons the rest of the money has been put towards.
Perhaps that would work for you OP.

Sounds the perfect solution esspee. Thank you. X

My pleasure Happy.. Next year do what they want. They're the parents after all.. But please don't feel bad or take heed of some of the sanctimonious stuff on this thread. You're a loving grandparent.. You didn't want to differentiate between your grandchildren.. You bought them EIGHT presents each.. From what I can tell (even given the 'telling off') they were modest presents.. At the end of the day we are granparents and we love our grandchildren. I think your son was wrong, in no uncertain terms, of accusing you of ruining christmas.. Protect yourself next year.. Give the parents money instead.. My feeling is, and it's only a feeling, not letting these children attend school etc etc will, in the long term, do much more harm than a loving (overindulgent??) grandmother... Pour youseld a glass (or cuppa) and breathe easy xx

Sorry for the typo errors.. More a talker than a typer.. Also using phone so letters very small ?

I think your son was totally OTT to say your generosity had ruined their Christmas.
I would have been upset too!

I totally agree Bobby.. I'm new to Gransnet and don't usually comment. Have to say that, reasoned opinions aside, some of the cold, inconsiderate, subjective comments at the start of this thread unnerved me.. Berating a gran for buying too many gifts and at the same time ignoring the rude, dare I say cruel, comments from the son??? Yes we need to respect our children's role as parents.. By the same token grandparents deserve respect too... Disgraceful behaviour and I feel sorry for the children being raised by such rude parents.

Happygran no one should make you feel bad for sharing your happiness least of all your son, very bad mannered. Unfortunately you can not make others feel your happiness if they are determined on a certain course, from what you say above I do not think you will change the parents, the only way you can make things equal with other grandchildren is to perhaps put money away to give them on their 18 birthday when they can be in control of their own lives.

Your son no longer shares your views, it is very sad and can be upsetting, to save yourself pain can you come to an agreement about future present giving when you get the opportunity.

If I was the parent I would not want my child to receive eight presents from their GPs. Its far too much, fills up their room with too much stuff and don't forget you are probably not the only relative or friend giving to your grandchildren.

Have you ever seen a spoilt child with glazed over eyes, unwrapping countless presents. It's not a good look.

You could ask your GC or their parents what they would like and instead of buying eight gifts for each child buy one of equal value that the child wants. I am sure your son and DIL would be much happier. Best wishes, I hope you sort it out.

Faye, have you ever seen a child that has been brought up not to say please or thank you? Or to accept a gift(s) with appreciation and good grace? I personally prefer a polite child who is spoilt for one day a year to a child who's parents consider good manners an option.