Presents for grandchildren rejected

Reading back through the threads, Luckygirl said it perfectly. I think it is not part of our job to steal the thunder of our children - it is their turn to fill the stockings, we have had our turn.

What is it with walking on eggshells with this generation? My goodness, my mum wouldn't have thought at all about telling my grandma off for buying too much, it's ridiculous. Maybe they will be happy when no one buys presents for these innocent children.

And isn't that supposed to be one of the pleasures of having GC, going out and picking something that they would love for Christmas and birthdays, not just give money to a parent who gets to choose? If you know your GC well enough to know what they would like, then I don't see a problem with you choosing, just cut down on the amount and maybe make up the cost with a more expensive present so all GC get the same amount in money but less to open.

Parents these days need to get real though in my opinion, they want to call all the shots and it should take a village to bring up a child, not just two people. The comments on MN are terrible, threatening to go NC at the slightest thing. They do not know what they do. I'd have hated not to have had my grandparents in my life and my grandad said some things which parents now would certainly go NC with him. I just took it as character forming, I still loved him, regardless, harmless ribbing.

Is it because both parents work? Do they feel more guilty and therefore try to compensate by being overprotective? They need to loosen the apron strings and lessen the guilt. If they have to work, they have to work. But let the kids breathe for goodness sake.

My sister in law used to buy too many presents for our children when they were little. She would arrive with a big bag for each of them. It was motivated by love and I would say thank you. However they couldn't really afford it and the gifts were poor quality toys which easily broke. I didn't like it at all. I suggested before the next Christmas to keep presents small please. Fortunately SIL was not offended at all.

I think Antonia hit the nail on the head when she said your son ought not to have handled the situation as he did. He should have left things as they are then next year quietly suggested you buy less.

It has spoilt your joy in giving Happy and left a bad feeling with you over Christmas.

I gave my GC money and a mixed box of crap stocking fillers and useful things like pencils, socks and bubble bath. They loved the crap cheap stocking fillers best of course!

rubylady,well said,but you know,as I've said before I hail from a very large extended family,and I've never heard of most of the gripes we discuss here,yes the kids are spoilt rotten at Christmas,but then most kids are today,the stocking with the apple orange and nuts is definitely gone with the wind.But most of the kids in my family are well mannered nice natured and clever.They don't have to be anything else do they.It may be something to do with the fact they are always put before careers and social life.

I am totally with you Happygran1964 .

We love buying presents for the 3 DGC (they are siblings) . We buy whatever we want to and however many we want to (all age appropriate ) and we get so much pleasure from giving. Christmas and Santa is all about children. Some of the toys our DGC get will come back to our house anyway as they do spend a lot of time here.

Why would parents be controlling so as to deprive their own children of a few small gifts? I don't get it.

I would never give money to a young child fro Christmas. Santa Claus does not carry money in his sleigh.

Exactly gillybob,mine played all day,gave us a lot of pleasure,spoilt yes,but only at Christmas and birthdays.

Happygran I would have been devastated by that remark from my son. OTT and just pain rude. What is it with our generation? I felt I was ruled by the older generation and now ruled by the younger generation. What is going on? Life feels like a s..t sandwich with us in the middle desperately trying to do our best for our ungrateful disrespectful offspring.

Maybe. I am just very lucky indeed but neither my DS or DDiL have ever dictated what I can and can't do with the DGC, give to them, feed them, buy them, etc.

Christmas Day in our family is ALL about the children. Watching them opening their presents with so much excitement and anticipation. Grinning from ear to ear when they see what's inside, then getting down on the floor and playing with them.

We laughed on Christmas morning when DDiL said to DGS (6) " mind you, remember that one present will be taken away for every sprout you leave on your plate" and DGS replied "well you can put 100 sprouts on my plate cos I love sprouts and I'm keeping all my presents"

I am withyou gillybob.We buy whatever we like and however much we like for the grandchildren and our DD and SiL are more than grateful.

I have 4 grandchildren. The 2 in NZ were sent money to pay for their wetsuits (they live on a boat). The 2 here have 2 presents each. We will see them tomorrow. The daughters have one big present and some small silly things. I suppose we all think the way we do things is the right and normal way, so to me 8 presents seems excessive unless they were small stocking fillers. But there are ways and ways of dealing with things and it was very wrong of your son to upset you and say something so silly.Perhaps he should have thanked you and later in the year had a quiet word asking you to dial it down a bit next year.Generosity should never be met with cruelty.

How ungrateful and unkind! My daughter and I did confer as to what to buy the three granddaughters for Christmas, but I bought several extra bits and pieces which my daughter has thanked me for. I really feel for you. Some people just have the knack of sucking the joy out of life! X

I think 8 presents on top of money is excessive but I think it's extremely rude of your son to upset you like that. Surely he could just have given them one or two of the presents and kept the rest hidden for another occasion? I should sent a personal card with cash or gift voucher to the children next year explaining that they choose whether to buy a gift or save the money themselves. I also remember feeling belittled by my In- laws as a young mum when they brought lots of gifts for our children (some of which were duplicated as we had already bought the same).

I agree Ruby !! Especially with your first line about walking on eggshells !

I'm lucky , that's not how it is in our family but I feel for those who it applies to.

My son and DiL don't understand the concept of too many presents at Christmas or birthdays. As a result we have gradually cut down on what we buy the GC because they get so many presents. I buy them books throughout the year. They know they can always ask me to buy them the next in the series they are reading. That's the way I spoil them.
The other grandparents always buy the children big presents but never ask what they want. As a result they moan for the rest of the year about the presents being unopened.

Serves you right at your age you should have known better. 8 presents each!!!! What on earth were you thinking and I don't blame the parents for taking you to task. They have their own rules for the children which you disregarded so you'll know for next time. And if you think I'm being unsympathetic, I am. You went out of your way to spoil them both rotten and it backfired.

sorry, very new to this ... Rubylady - what does MN and NC mean?

You are not a bad gran because someone else's thought differ from yours.

They could have held back a couple of bits for another time, that choice was theirs.

So many people now want to seize some moral high ground about sweets or treats of gifts or traditions, it is just rude for them to behave like this.

Everyone has to accept that their views may be different to those of others and to act with good grace and good manners.

Don't judge yourself by their silly standards. If they felt they or other family members could not compete with your largesse then they had opportunity to thank you and ask could they pace things a bit and hold some back........they are bullies.

Just as people who want free child care on their own terms are bullies, depriving others of pleasure by curtailing all treats while they are in charge of the kids.

You deserve respect for buying gifts and thanks.

How ungrateful. This 'spoiling' thing is such a minefield. Surely if children are demanding, aggressive, whining for stuff that parents can't afford and then get everything they want, that is spoiling them. I can never see how giving children things they want and are thrilled to receive is going to 'spoil' anything. If they are brought up to understand that there are plenty of people in this world not so fortunate or lucky and they thank people properly for gifts, then what is the harm in giving them little extras - and 'Playdoh' for goodness sake? It's hardly lavish spending, and the children are kept occupied during Christmas Day by such presents.

If your son has told you that you have 'ruined their Christmas' by buying the children too many gifts, then I would start wondering what is wrong in this house - this is totally out of proportion and they sound like a couple with problems. If they are lashing out at you perhaps they have not had a happy time for other reasons and then decided that you are the hook to hang the blame on. Sorry that you are so upset - I don't think it is your fault at all.

No, not metaphorically. I would have been furious with him AND given him a clip round the ear next time I saw him. I gave my grandchildren 3 gifts each, not expensive because I can't afford it . It's lovely for children to have a few to open and not just one. I am always frightened that I haven't given enough .

Happygran1964 - I was bemoaning the fact that the piles of plastic bags filled to the brim with presents, with a nominated place for the children to find them, was over now that they are older....I dread to think what your DS would have made of that. His reaction seems to go along with the unusual parenting ideas, latter day hippy type.
I have 7 grandchildren, who have ages ranging from 26 down to 10..I gave the older ones gift vouchers but with small stocking fillers (maybe more for me than them) to open on Christmas morning. The younger ones I had spent exactly the same amount of money on each, but never in my time have they been rationed to the amount of gifts I have been allowed to give.
If your DS and his wife feel so strongly I suggest that they do not give presents ever again but donate the equivalent amount of money to a charity chosen by the children....my 11 year granddaughter did this at Christmas, so she had no presents at all, but made a donation to a charity for the homeless, and all this whilst her sister opened her presents, I was amazed but extremely proud, so maybe this approach might help

Well I think they are being very ungrateful! It's about giving and the love and pleasure us GPS get from giving. I have 9 Grandsons and spend roughly the same on each. If any of my Daughters were that rude I would be mortified. My sympathies to you xx

I'm with you Jainesworth. Good to hear of parents who don't want their children to be spoiled by over abundance in what has become a glut fest. In our family we liaise over gift giving beforehand. I am saddened to see children tearing into gifts and tossing them aside in order to tear into the next one. This year Father Christmas came early to my flat and left two small gifts each for the little ones. They loved them, and really played with them, before going home for the main event. I'm beginning to hate this consumer mad society. Just call me Grandma Scrooge!

Very harsh of your son and dil. I would not worry just put allocated sum of money into a moneywallet each for them from now on. My mum used to send a cheque to my brother/ sister in law to buy presnts for the 3 grandchildren as she would buy want they wanted. Only to find out by accident via grown up grandchild by then, they never got any presents from nan. Sister in law kept money for herself.