Presents for grandchildren rejected

Another thing that'ld irk me about that many presents: if the kids get more than they'll enjoy/use I can't help but think about the activities/experiences that the money (wasted) spent on all the presents would have bought them.

I'ld never demand money as gifts or contributions to extra curricular activities, but I do think it's sad when they've got too many presents yet we have to cut out a weekly lesson that they enjoy next term because we can't afford it.

I wouldn't act on it. But I do hate if someone over-buys for the kids. I see no benefit to the kids when someone does that. The kids'll just zone in on one of the gifts and ignore the other 7, and some will never even have the boxes opened!

Also: the environment! What kinda environment are we leaving these kids if people who love them are buying them eight new gifts at a time?

It does make my heart sink if there's a massive pile from one person under the tree. This year someone did that and all of their presents took up one side of the tree, and EVERYONE else's were on the other side. It was a bit grotesque. Especially as they were from someone who claims to be really into "nature"

For Teddy.. Yes, you're right. First alternative thread I looked at... BULLIES.. Same names, same nasty and intimidating stance. In no way level headed, reasoned or even handed. .I'm getting off this site for a while. It's leaving a nasty taste in my mouth.

I have a friend who likes to give her DGC sweeties and cakes when she sees them, including the youngest who is 6 months old.

Her DCs tolerate it but it is clear (I have met them) that they actually find it a bit annoying that she regularly does this, and they do comment that they wish she wouldn't.
(The 6-mth-old's Mum was quite vociferous about No Sweets recently, when he arrived for a couple of hours of baby-sitting, and my friend commented to me how 'good' she was being by not giving him any.)

Maybe the OP's situation is similar and the parents have tried to hint or suggest that she gives fewer presents but the message hasn't got through.

As others said, there are 2 sides to this and we have only heard 1 side.

He should certainly not have told you in that way. There is no need to be rude. I do wonder about this idea that it is a grandmother's prerogative to overindulge - I agree that treats here and there fall within this category and should be enjoyed, not criticised, but giving stacks of gifts at a time of year when children already receive lots? It's just my view but children often can't cope with huge piles of presents. They immediately forget what they have been given and move on to the next parcel. A couple of presents would be fine. It doesn't demonstrate that you love them more or less or anything like that. Having quality time with them and avoiding arguments with your own children would seem preferable.

Very interesting thread this and I have learnt a bit about being a gran at Christmas time. We must remember that most of us are very fortunate to have children who let us share in the lives of our very dear GC. They grow up so quickly - as did our own DC. We have to respect our DCs wishes and keep to their boundaries - most of the time!! Just because we are grans does not give us the right to spoil our GC or try to outdo parents or other GPs.

Stacks of gifts at a time of year when children already receive lots..... in a nutshell, buying 8 ( or even more) Christmas presents, is the classic 'Look who loves you more than anyone else (especially your 'other' GPs) '.
As I remarked further up- thread, I bought my only GC one present, a Next Christmas sweater. He doesn't ask for high-end trending presents.... and he doesn't get them. This stupid competitiveness from grandparents really is quite nauseating. And for those posters who state that buying presents for their grandchildren is their main pleasure in life I would say 'You need to take a good look at your life overall. ' Take up a hobby or buy a dog.
One thing does stand out in the OP. ' It ruined my Christmas' . I do hope nothing as trivial as a bereavement, news of a terminal illness, or redundancy ruins future Christmasses for you. How will you cope?

How bloody ungrateful of them! They don't deserve you. Don't let them get you down. Next year and on their birthdays ask them what you are ALLOWED to give. Put some money in an account for the grandchildren and give it to them when they are eighteen. I speak from experience. Also: I met a grandmother the other day who said that she was kept from her grandchildren while they were growing up but her grandson (19) now lives with her because he can't stand the controlling parents! Justice will out.

willsmadman

Bah Humbug

Who said anything about competition. You might not want to indulge your grandchildren but it is really wonderful to be doting grandparents. Try it and try not to be so mean spirited.

I feel for you Happygran, I think your son was insensitive and unkind. You gave your grandchildren presents out of love and they should've been received in the spirit in which you gave them. If your son and dil object to the amount of presents given they could have put some away for another time and spread the enjoyment throughout the year which I'm sure you wouldn't object to. There was no need to cause so much upset. I find ingratitude, for whatever reason, really upsetting and hurtful.

Willsmadnan
I think you will find that it wasn't the OP who mentioned christmas being ruined it was her ungrateful and cruel son who stated that SHE had ruined THEIR Christmas.

Is it wonderful to be doting though? Not if it ends up with situations such as this. You can be doting without buying all the presents.

Iindulge all my family and friends because I like spoiling the folk I care for,haven't had complaints from anyone ...ever,Willsmadnan,in fact my family are usually over the moon with their presents.

I think your son and DIL have been very ungrateful, however I would not buy 8 presents for my GD. This year I bought 2 presents (combined worth around £60-£70) and about £40 of clothes as I knew she was short of the next size up and had checked with my DD and SIL beforehand. Only 2 presents wrapped under the tree for DGD.

I would not give your GC money or pay for outings when your son and daughter in law do not even say thank you or teach their children too and are so shockingly ungrateful. I hear what you say about treating the GC the same but each parent has their own views on how to bring up their children. If your son is adamant he does not want GC spoilt just give them 1 or 2 nice presents and check beforehand with your son as to what to get them. Telling you it spoilt their Christmas is ridiculous though and extremely over dramatic. What a pair of drama queens.

I would certainly not give money. Half the pleasure is choosing a gift the other is seeing the recipient unwrap it. Your DS and DiL are very rude and ungrateful. Next time buy just a couple of thoughtful gifts. Don't ask for their approval, after all the gift is from you. Don't pay for family treats. The parents certainly don't deserve it. Lastly don't make up the difference with cash. A thoughtful well chosen gift should be sufficient. You sound a lovely, thoughtful and sensitive gran.

Stacks of presents isn't really about "doting" on the child, because there is no beneift to the child to have an excessive amount of gifts, they actually enjoy their gifts more if there's only a sensible amount.

Stacks of presents from one GP to a child is much more about the giver than the receiver, and gifts should be about the reciever not the giver.

Sounds as though your son and his wife take themselves, and their parenting, far too seriously. Which is probably a sign of immaturity. I would ignore.

Daphne - biased? Donald Trump?
Makes no sense to me. I'm just a kindly old grandma responding to someone who was clearly upset.

Karen - don't worry about me and hope you decide to stay on this site.

This particular thread saddened me but also made me feel guilty for buying so much junk for my darling grandson!!!

Parenting is worth taking seriously.

Well said, notanan.

Not mean spirited boohoo ..having been one of those parents who had to put up with the annual load of cheap crap my parents bestowed on my children at Christmas... and the ritualistic presentation that went with it. ... I vowed I would never be like them. I ought to have been more like the OP's son from the start. Told them to shove 'em where the sun don't shine. Instead I said nothing and just 'disposed' of them at the first opportunity. One nice, well thought out present for each child would have been so much better, and more happily received.

"Half the pleasure is choosing a gift the other is seeing the recipient unwrap it."

But the main point should be the pleasure of the recipient, including parents of a child, not pleasure of the giver.

But not too seriously^. Or there will be rebellion in the camp - sooner or later. (to thatbags

Why not buy what you like buying, surely your dil should be pleased the children get many presents, as long as they arent over expensive, children love opening presents, it gives them such pleasure, imagine eight presents each, how exciting, I am sure you bought less expensive presents, so what is wrong with that. I cant stand controlling,I have lived with a control freak for fifteen years, so I sympathise, sorry lost the thread a bit, anyway Happygran1964, I think you are a lovely Gran, sending a big hug xx

Evenstar, your eloquent and poignant post of 15:35:43 shows only too clearly how families can be torn apart. How sad for all concerned that your children's grandparents refuse to listen to and respect your wishes.