they come and go

OH Cath I feel for you my daughter lives in this country but too far and she's too busy for me to see her often and its very painful. Can you plan a trip out there to him in the near future? Do you make good use of Skype so you can see and talk? Lots of other parents/grandparents on here can empathise with you. Have a big hug from me.

I am lucky not to be in this position but can understand your feelings. Thank goodness for Skype.

I hate the saying goodbye too, I think you are right it gets harder the older I get. I found it so hard not to weep in the airport now I've learned to say goodbye in the carpark as I drop them off with cases at the airport. My son isn't good at keeping in touch with skype of phone so I know when I say goodbye its going to be a while.
I think we are happy our offspring make a happy life wherever it is but its oh so hard for us left behind.

(((hugs)))

Whoops! I fear I have written this twice as I just could not find this first one so thought it had not been put up so I wrote another.

Yes Cath9. Though I am probably not as old as you.
We sort of made a deal as a family,that they would need to be paid enough that they can keep coming back. So they negotiate £2000 extra on their salary, to take care of extra flights.
The company want them, the company can pay!

In reality, because none of mine live less than 200 miles away, I tend to see them all about the same amount, whether they live abroad or not.
So in my case, for the moment, it doesnt seem too bad at all.

Yes Cath, it's hard, but we just have to accept it

My son is also in NZ and I get to see him about every four or five years We don't Skype, we do speak every weekend on the phone or over FB phone but he s been there 20 years now and sometimes it's hard to know what to talk about as his life is not really known to me, but he is happy has a good life style and a good family life a decent salary so I have to accept and be glad I guess it's strange though

I can fully understand how you feel.
I have 2 sons 1 in Canada (has daughter aged 14 months)
And 1 in Iceland single. Get to see them 2 or 3 times a year they FaceTime once a week so are good at keeping contact. Hard to say goodbye but we always have next visit planned .. In Canada now so the goodbyes are coming....they will all be home for christmas

Oh yes, the plaaning next visit helps me a lot too. And them of course.

This is indeed a fraught area. I have more time to spare since retirement, of course, but, the ones I would choose to spend that time with are frantically busy. I try to remember when the situation was reversed and my Mum often complained she didn't see enough of us. AND that was when I was a full time parent! Gosh...........

Son is in another country, doesn't do Skype, phone calls, or letters. Will be here for a few days over Christmas, first time over here for 18 months, saying goodbye again to him and the young family will be awful. They usually take a very early flight, so we say goodbye the night before.

Gosh this has been hard for us too, got worse every time! Especially once the babies arrived! Happily for us DD, 2DGDs and Aussie Sil are now back in the uk and settling here, but obviously now the Australian side of the family are going through this. No happy ending for everyone sadly

It's difficult enough to see them when they are working full time in Europe - and Yorkshire!

When I was little we lived in the North of England and once a year (i think) we vsited my grandparents inCardiff. My grandmother always cried when we left and my parents explained it was because she thought she'd never see us again ! I thought that was just silly but I understand it now! Thankfully my childre are all in the uk and we see themfairly regularly.

My sister has just returned to NZ after a holiday here. It definitely gets harder saying goodbye because as we get older we both acknowledge that there may not be another time. However, that's the way it is. Her life is happily in NZ and mine is happily in UK so in between times we Skype.

My son lives in Australia and it never gets any easier when he comes to visit and goes back again. I think it does help to plan the next visit. I am determined to visit my son in 2 years time (he is coming back again next year) even though I hate flying and get very anxious away from home. But I want to do it for him because he is so keen for me to see his home and meet his friends, which is really nice. Skyping helps a lot, we skype twice a week, only for half an hour or so, but to be honest we speak more now than when he lived just around the corner from me.
He has a happy life and when I look around and see what England is like and how our neighbourhood has changed I can understand why he left. Happiness and contentment is all I can hope for him and luckily he seems to have achieved it.

I agree with PPs that if there's a plan in place for the next visit (Aus in my case) the goodbyes are a little less of a wrench. As I wipe away my tears at the airport I try to think about the unadulterated joy that marked their (or my) arrival a few weeks earlier. Thank goodness for Skype and WhatsApp!

Yesterday I said goodbye to my son who flew out to Perth in oz he just been over for 4 weeks to celebrate my daughter his sisters wedding. I stayed awake to tracked his flight and today I'm lost but it will take a few days for me to feel normal again but it just never gets any easier even after 10 years

My son, on the West coast USA is a long and expensive trip away. I always weep (through smiles) when he leaves, no matter how hard I try not to. His visits are always short, generally tagged on to someones wedding (3 days here last time) and infrequent too as he has almost no holiday.
I feel, like BlueBelle, that I really don't understand his life there. Although we WhatsApp and call fairly often (probably more than when he was only 80 miles away) I feel much more distant from his life. We can't just get in the car and visit, it involves lots of organising and costs so much.
Given that we never did "just hop in the car and visit" I don't understand this really - but somehow it feels very different to me, knowing that we can't do it.
Now I know how my mother felt when he was born in the USA all those years ago - and why she asked so many "silly" questions about my life there.

Mary59nana - I have also done the flight-tracking thing...

I find it increasingly difficult to leave my Mum now. she is 87 & lives in Yorkshire I am in Devon now near my DD, her OH & DGS. I only get to see Mum about once a year as I can no longer cope with the drive (over 5 hours plus stops) on my own so it's a train journey which takes over 7 hours. I always wonder if it will be the last time we see each other so I can appreciate how hard it is to say good-bye.

We always say good-bye quickly but I know she will have a cry in the privacy of her own home. The journey home for me is always sad but I have my own life & she hers just a shame we aren't closer but understandably she doesn't want to move & leave her friends

My daughter has lived for 20 years in Middle East. She's divorced and has a 11 year old son. Have been fortunate enough to travel to se her twice a year and she and grandson come home once a year. It's never easy saying goodbye even after all these years. We phone and What's App, that's the best we can do. I am used to it but have started to wonder what it will be like if I can't travel any more at some stage in the future!! There's a big possibility that they might move permanently to New Zealand in the next 2 years. Can't bear to think sbout it as is so far away. They have their lives ahead of them and must do what's best for them.

Thats the thing isnt it? Their gain is our loss.
I always think to myself, they can come back if they want to. But they are happy where they are.

I am in the middle of packing for a short visit our daughter tomorrow who has lived in Europe for the last 10 years. We havnt seen her since April. I know it's not NZ Or Australia , and am grateful of course, but visiting still requires planning with flights , airport parking, accommodation etc and cannot be altered if we are unwell, bad weather is forecast or whatever. If they lived even a few hundred miles away but in the uk we could be more spontaneous.
There is little chance they will come back. I do feel sad as we are a very small family and I miss her. Another op mentioned that they don't feel part of their children's lives, I feel rather the same. My daughter isn't great keeping in regular contact and as time has gone on I realise that I don't know any of her new friends or understand what she is doing. It's hard but I need to accept her decision, and I do.