Christmas !

I would be inclined to say no, soon after I met my late DH we went away with my DD (aged 9) & left my step-daughter (20) & step-son (17) at home. We came back to find our bed had been slept in and an ornament my DD had bought for my Birthday had "disappeared also some gold jewellery of my DH's missing, his DS had had friends over whilst his DD was away overnight.

Never happened again we had a lock put on our bedroom door!!!

I know Glamdram's DD is 24 but if she doesn't know friends or boyfriend well I would say no

Glamdram one word about your daughter she has at least asked she could just have brought them with her. This isn't meant to make you change your mind or not enjoy your well-earned Christmas just a point that your DD is obviously thoughtful and respects your home. If you tell her your concerns she may well think of an alternative herself.

I think the OP is the only one to decide, tbh. We don't know how responsible her daughter is, or how friends of hers are likely to behave. It could be another perfectly well behaved young couple, invited to simply make their Christmas cheerier. But if the laundry and the house cleaning bothers her, then the obvious thing is to say no.

Not sure why I am posting this. OP probably long gone anyway.

Do what's right for you Glamdram and do not feel any guilt. I would tell DD quickly though that as your home is a Christmas-free zone this year it would be best if she and her friends made their own Christmas at theirs. It's about time she started doing that anyway at 24! (I'd already been doing it for 3 years by then). You have earned a rest from it all.Hope you have a lovely time.

I think DD has a cheek to even ask,why should you festive holiday be ruined by a grown woman who should know better than to ask if she can bring strangers in to your home. Tell her its not a youth hostel.I hope you enjoy your break.

Hear , hear Glamdram I think that is an excellent idea. After all you have done it's time to think of yourself. I hope you and your OH have a really Happy Christmas with nothing to worry about.

Daughter lives in a nice Victorian house in London that she rents with two other people .
Will suggest that whilst her boyfriend comes to stay there ..that she may like the other two to stay and have chrstmas there .

Would be far easier .

And like some if you have mentioned ..I will not worry about the house while I'm away ..or come back to bedding etc to wash !

This is my first relaxing chrtmas away with husband ....Iv had first late husbands mum to me every chrstmas for 30 years ...and in the last 5 have been her carer..as she has dementia ..she has now gone into a care home and I now have the freedom to do what I want .
And this chrstmas it's about me .....not doing chrstmas for others

I wouldn't like strangers in my house whilst I was away. I might let the DD plus partner stay (without laundry stipulations!) but I know my DH wouldn't be happy with even that as he has strict security procedures which he wouldn't trust anyone else to follow (even me!).

Gross, I would have to have the house deep cleaned after that.

My partner's boys ...in their twenties....stayed at the house last Christmas while we were away....never again...the house stank....they don't wash...kitchen a tip....bathroom clean ..as never used !!! They can stay at their grandparents this year !!!!

Your daughter is 24 for goodness sake, would appear you have reasons not to have trust in her. Don't give up your Christmas break just relax and enjoy it. You have clearly made up your mind what to do so stick with it.

No. Your house, your ornaments, your booze, your food cupboard, your neighbours who you have to continue to live next to if they were noisy into the night, ..... and your private stuff. If you're not happy inviting them, then don't.

Sounds as if your first Christmas away is getting mucked up already. Either way your decision is causing complications.

Spangles but if you met them before and liked them ( the other two I mean ) they wouldn't be strangers
I used to let rooms to students one time a young 18 year old lad came to ask me if I would rent him a room I told him I was going away the next day so to come back in two weeks time he told me he literally had no where to go. I liked him and made a mad snap tjudgement, ( I m never normally decisive or take chances I m a cautious person) anyway he paid me two weeks up front I gave him his bedroom showed him where everything was kept, gave him a key and went on holiday overseas when I came back everything was perfect he stayed with me for about two years and was a lovely lad his step dad had killed his mum hence the reason he was homeless I ve never regretted taking him in

I wouldn't have any problem with the daughter and her boyfriend but definitely not with the 2 extras. As a rule,I would never have anyone staying in my house that I didn't know.

Yes, no problem letting any of our children stay in our house. Our son & his family are staying over New Year to look after our dog and would be welcome to have their friends to stay as well.

When we go away I let a friend stay in our house. She lives in England and we're in Ireland. She often brings her daughter too. When it was Mothers Day she invited her mother and sister here for a meal. I don't mind at all. She looks after our cat, and we don't have to worry about the house being empty.

And if she lives in a hovel, why would the OP be willing for her and her boyfriend to stay?

The OP seems adamant that she doesn't want the hassle or worry of having two extra guests, so that's what she needs to tell her daughter.

I think maybe the OP is hoping for some other reasons from Gransnet posters which she could use to explain to her daughter why she would feel uncomfortable with strangers in the house, when they come to discuss the refusal later on between them.

She had agreed to daughter and boyfriend staying whilst they were away, so the concern is over the two friends she does not know, and possibly that they might bring more friends too?

I think my reaction would be to ask to meet the two friends, and if they agree to come to a meal, then run through a few ground rules and expectations and see how that goes. Tell them you love your daughter and want her to have a lovely Christmas, but you need to rest easy about your home. No smoking in the house, no drugs, perhaps washing and making up the beds, cleaning bathrooms and hoovering, getting in fresh milk and bread for you on your return. Plus agreeing to a Skype call on Christmas day. If they don't come, then obviously you would not be happy.

It is a long time till Christmas, you don't want this hanging over you from now until then with your daughter, breakdown in family relationships causes far more worry and distress than a few days over Christmas.

But only you know your daughter. If she lives a hovel, then I can fully understand your reluctance!

Personally I would allow a daughter of that age to stay with friends and would not be concerned about a little extra washing, assuming you believe she is likely to keep the house clean and tidy. My 2 sons aged around 40 still live at home and they have to be left if I go away and I know I will come home to some mess - one of them gets worse with age! If I were in your position, I would feel that my daughter should have people around her for Xmas if she wants if I was going away then. Obviously everyone feels differently and it's your house and your choice.

A definite YES From me. I'd be delighted to have someone looking after the house while we were away and as for them reading letters and looking in drawers? What harm would that do? You could tidy away any private stuff into a box in the attic and let them all make themselves at home. I was always happy to know my daughter was in our home than someone else's ?

I am totally bemused by these postings. Due to unforeseen circumstances we left our (then) 18 year old daughter and 16 year old son alone with the cat and dog for a fortnight whilst we went on holiday with younger daughter and her friend. We came back to an intact and very clean house, cat and dog in good health and no obvious signs of any parties that may have occurred. It has always been our opinion that if you give your children responsibility they will rise to the challenge. Also, what's the problem with daughter's friends coming? All our kids knew they could bring friends into the house, unlike a lot of their friends whose parents wouldn't allow friends round. Consequently, we knew all their friends and trusted them to treat our house with respect. Still, each to their own I suppose.

Let them come, but provide their own things, you must trust them. We have a holiday home, and do let people who we know slightly, rent it for a while,I am never worried they would be opening drawers etc, I am sure they wouldnt, and they leave the house in pristine condition. Maybe I am lucky!

But they are not 'strangers' are they? Your daughter knows them and can presumably vouch for them

Perhaps you could invite all four to stay for a weekend before Christmas. That would give you time to decide if the other couple are who you would want in your home. Don't have any qualms about saying NO - it's your home - your castle.