I'm tired and emotional.....

((((hugs)))) from me too

And from me. Try not to worry too much about what will or might happen in December, jg. There are always so many twists and turns, tos and fros, argies and bargies with committees and public bodies that all the plans currently being discussed might well come to nothing. Let's hope so, anyway.

I know it's so hard, but try just to concentrate on the here and now, and carry on as you are doing so ably, supporting your mother to settle into her new environment.

Me too, jg, I think maggie is right, if you can concentrate on making today as good as it can be that might help, but of course easier said than done. Take good care of yourself with the travelling.

No help just sympathy, as you said things should have been easier now. We should hope for the best and expect the worst.

Have been down this road with MIL .Started out as multiple infarct dementia and then she developed Alzheimer's as well (they present slightly differently) .She had to go into care after a fall (the last of many-we worried about her living iindependently though we were only a ten minute drive away )tipped her over into full blown dementia.Had it been only physical fraility she would have had to have been dragged kicking and screaming, so ironically the dementia made it easier .She was 91 though and lived for two further years
I too nearly chose a "posh'home as she was a terrible snob but eventually went with gut feeling for somewhere much more homely The care was exemplary
The worst bit for me was when she seemed to withdraw completely from the world .For the last year of her life she said only 'please' and 'thank you '.And she recognised no one.I made my children (her only grandchildren) stop visiting as it was so upsetting .
You have my sympathy .Had it been my own mother it would have been unbearable. .DH has a terrible fear of dementia and found it hard to visit (they were not close) so I was the one who tried to be 'there'for her So hard .

Thank you again for all your thoughtful and helpful posts. I am a little calmer today and I am beginning to see the road ahead.
Indeed, I do have a few months before I need to kick 'a**' and in the meantime we need to gather knowledge that will help us to move forward. There are 30 people in the VSH scheme - many of whom need 24/7 care. I guess the first thing we do is lobby the council with the needs and expectations of these people. The scheme can no longer be referred to as a Very Sheltered Housing scheme if they don't provide 24 hour cover...... and if some of the residents need full time care in a nursing home etc...the costs could be much higher than providing the 24/7 care they have been used to.

I have to say I feel a chill go through me when I think of my 'old age' (although at 64 there are many who would say I am already there!) I plan to be ready - ready as I can be - I never want to get to the stage where I need others to make decisions for me - I am in the throes of doing just that now - my kids can hardly deal with their own lives (both personal and working) I do not want to add to that burden.

All of your advice is taken on board regarding my mum and is filed in my brain for future use....
Thank you all so very much xxxxx