annsixty
It must be like a bereavement in a way, the person you once knew has gone but is physically still there.
It must be so hard 
Ann, you are maybe going to have to be strong and make dh accept help!
for you all. My MiL is in the same position so I recognise some of the things you've all said. My heart goes out to you all. I feel I'm neglecting my MiL but I'm torn between her (200miles away) and my terminally ill DiL who has young children. Mum and I are very close. She has confided in me a lot over the years and now she keeps asking for me. Before she became very confused she told me she enjoyed being in my home more than anyone else's. I wished I'd known that at the time. We were the 'poor' relations and I always felt a bit of a failure that we couldn't spoil her as much as others. She was a much better MiL than she was a mother. She still drove me to distraction at times. She always wanted her own way, she was determined and cantankerous. My daughter once described her as eccentric and she's right. She's escaped two or three times from the home (I wasn't surprised,I can read her like a book) but more worrying is she attacked the staff with her stick and they've called the police.! I'm worried they are doing that so they can document her behaviour so they can move her to a more secure unit. She behaving in this way because she's angry. She's stuck in this awful room they won't let her in the garden it's worse than prison. She's so unhappy. I feel it was her very frail state of health and not the dementia that prevents her living alone. The family are continually running too and fro and being called to meetings. How will it end? It's just so sad and we all feel so helpless 
jogginggirl you and your mother have my sympathy, I've been on a similar journey
Just to echo what silverlining said about music, here's a link to a charity started by Sally Magnusson, after she found that music was the only thing that helped her mother.
Hope it helps you a little too, I wish I'd known about it for my mum.
www.playlistforlife.org.uk/#2946
www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-33787628
deep breath, shoulders back,head up and a big fat ((((((hug))))) because I just can't think of anything to help make things better.
jg, what a worry for you. (((hugs)))
It took my mum a fair while to settle into the first home we found but we realised quite quickly that it wasn't exactly right for her. If you have followed my posts about my mum, you will know she is a real snob and we convinced her to go into that particular home because it was brand new and looked like a hotel.
With hindsight we should have picked a home which offered much more care and, when we did, mum was much happier.
Have you been given a list of homes that are registered for dementia patients? We found that lots of homes which would cope with residents who got dementia while they are living there it was better for mum when she went into a home specifically for dementia patients.
It's a sad fact that deterioration happens faster than families would like and it is a good idea to look at homes that can look after your mum as the dementia worsens.
I hope the above makes sense. Pm me if it doesn't. I'm only on my first cup of tea. 
Its sad really, that the way to end ones life with dignity is not allowed. I hope this helps.
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