30 year old daughter married nearly 5 years & no children yet, should I say anything?

Desperately wanted children but they didn't come, though eventually, after medical intervention, they did. I remember vividly the relatives who commented "Time there was the patter of little feet", etc. and how miserable and useless it made me feel, and what an intrusion it was. Definite lyrics don't ask.

Thank you for all your lovely responses & making me see sense. I know it's not really any of my business but I guess you never stop worrying about them & hoping everything's ok.
Of course, if dd decides she doesn't want children then good for her, I'd far rather that than having children because it's what's expected of her.

Thanks again everyone.

My mother and friends put a lot of pressure on me when I'd been married 5 years. When I mentioned it to my GP she said they all just wanted me to be as tired and miserable as them!
I did go on to have children with a different partner and never put any pressure on my daughter who has chosen not to have children. We don't own our kids and should support them in whatever choices THEY make.
I didn't expect to ever be a granny but 4 years ago my son and his partner had a little girl. She is a joy and I love her to bits but she's a bonus, not an expectation.

Say nothing

Good decision Bee.

Should you say anything? No, no and no. I get on brilliantly with my daughter, who is coming up for 32, and we share most things, but she overheard someone asking me if I had any grandchildren and when I replied not yet she was utterly enraged. Its taken us a long while to get the issue sorted and even now she frequently reminds me that having, or not having children, is a choice entirely for her and her partner to make. I totally agree with her, but can now see what a touchy subject this is. Apparently she fairly frequently gets asked by other people if she will have kids and is very fed up about it.

Good decision bee63.

Glad to hear you won't be mentioning it. My daughter & her husband have been married 4 years & would dearly love children but it's not happening. If this is happening to your daughter she may find it hard to talk about & not want to share it. I know this is how my daughter felt & she would've hated to be probed for details. It all came to light when she burst into tears whist holding her little nephew. "I want a baby of my own mummy" Heartbreaking.

Deciding to have a child now is very different from when most of us had children. Both parents must work and childcare costs the same as the mortgage. Once the child is at school, life becomes a non-stop frenetic struggle to get everyone to work or school and after-school care in place, with contingency plans for every emergency.
School holidays are a nightmare and nobody can ever be ill. My daughter was out of the house for 11 hours every weekday and had children who never slept through the the night until they were 8 or 9 years old.
Not much fun, costs an absolute fortune, no wonder so many women decide not to.

Definitely, say nothing!

????!!

bee63, I asked the very same question on Gransnet some time ago, regarding my son and his wife who have been together some 14 years. They are now late 30s with no sign/mention of babies. I took the advice not to ask any questions and as time has gone on, I am absolutely sure that I did the right thing. I would far rather they don't have children if that is their choice, than have them to conform with what others see as the norm. My daughter has 2 small children and I have seen how hard it is with working/childcare costs etc. They should be left to do as they wish and unless they raise the subject with you, I would say nothing.

Definitely do not say anything. Firstly, they may be trying and not succeeding to have a child but don't want to tell anybody. Secondly, they may not want children at the moment (I was married 10 years before I had my children) but may change their mind later. Thirdly, they may not want children at all and you shouldn't expect them to. If you are lucky enough to have grandchildren it is a bonus and not an expectation.

DD had been married for 10 years before she had a baby. I'd presumed they weren't going to bother by that time. Then she waited another 6 years before the second one. We don't do things in a hurry in our family!

I had my firstchild a week before my 35th birthday by choice. I wouldn't ask my daughter who is now 31. Best when the time is right, if at all.

I'd keep quiet! My son and his wife have no children but they decided against having any. Their decision. I know DILs mum keeps on at them to have children as she wants another grandchild (her son has a wee boy) and it makes my DIL very cross!

As others have said, if daughter wants children but hasn't been successful so far, I'd have thought she would have said something but if she's made a decision not to have children, maybe they don't want to bring it up for fear of being nagged!

I can't see the a valid reason for bringing up the subject with your daughter if she hasn't said anything. If it's because YOU want to be a grandmother, well that's a selfish reason, isn't it?

If you've had the sort of relationship where you could ask, you wouldn't need to. You'd know her/their thinking. Stay schtum.

Say nothing.

My DD1 and her now DH had been together 10 yrs before they had a child. I was not particularly expecting her to have a child as they were very happy with there lifestyle. They got married two years later..also a surprise as was the arrival of DGS2 four years ago! She adores her boys as does their dad. We are all very close but I would never pry because I know if there had been a medical issue she would have eventually told me. best to keep your own counsel.

Ds was 38 and dil was 41 when they decided the time was right to have a baby. Career/security etc. Dgd was born one year later.
We had thought there would be no and were so happy for them, and we were so so so glad that we had not probed.

Please don't ask - but be ready should your dd give you an opening.

I go with the majority - absolutely her business and NOBODY else's. We had
our first after seven years and out of choice. Father in Law asked several times and made me very angry at his intrusion. Our daughter was 38 and it was never discussed until she handed me a pair of knitting needles and a ball of wool.

No say nothing not our business at all

As its only you worrying about her as you say and not your need to be a Nana she will surely talk to you if and when she's ready and if she has anything to talk about

My three children were all in the late 20s early 30 s when they had children I thought I would not be a Nana now I have 7 all nearly grown

My brother and I got married the same year and my husband and I had children two years later as we really wanted them. My brother and sil did not for about 5/6 years. It split them up and I really think they would have been happier without. ExSil ignores her only granddaughter who is 6. My brother has remarried a widow who had no children of her own...not by choice. She dotes on the girl and is a true loving grandma. Not every couple should have children.

Good decision Bee. I still remember at my fil's funeral being told " that he had never seen his grandchildren " as the only one married of his three children my DH shrugged it off. But it was aimed at me. I was 23. Ridiculous .

I took the 'non of my business don't say anything' approach and lived to regret it. Awful to hear your daughter in tears saying but no one warned me.