30 year old daughter married nearly 5 years & no children yet, should I say anything?

You're absolutely right to have decided to say nothing. As for people who think it's all about them and call themselves 'grandma in waiting', words fail me ...!

When we were first married we were constantly being asked when we were having children. I never wanted kids and I got really fed up of being made to feel there must be something wrong with me. I even had people asking me whose "fault" it was that we didn't have children. It is a totally personal matter between partners.

Why would you say anything!! Just mind your own business.

My sons and their wives were all 35-ish and married 7+ years before they had children. It never crossed my mind to ask them if they were going to have children. I was too busy with my own life to worry about being a grandma.

bee63 as others have said, it's their business. But I can understand you being concerned about your DD being OK. Has she ever given you the impression she wants children? Do you know of a medical reason why having children might be a problem? It must be hard when you are both reserved. I think you need to wait for a moment when you're alone with her and she says something that would make it quite natural for you to say something. You need to accept that moment may never arise though.

Why this assumption that all couples want children anyway? Shades of Andrea Leadsom ...

townie I don't think anybody has implied that on here. I also think not having children is common enough these days for people not to automatically make that assumption.

Definitely, Silence is Golden!

I was married for 10 years before our first son was born I was 30 - that was a decision we made and it annoyed us when people asked.

I was infuriated when some old harridan of a nosy neighbour asked me, in front of my mother, when I was going to make her a granny (I was 25 and had been married for four years) It was clear from my mother's expression that she had been discussing this with the neighbour. I felt hurt, and also felt strongly it was nobody's business but mine and DH's. I have always remembered that, and my advice is - don't!

I respect anyone who chooses not to have children, if that may be their reason. The world is overpopulated and childless couples (by choice) should be applauded.

For that reason I disagree with IVF, sorry it that's harsh. Adopt instead.
Heard on the radio this morning that they've found a way to reverse the menopause, imagine all those old ladies thinking they can now have another child! Though it won't give them any more eggs I guess.

To answer your question, keep quiet!

I think Indinana summed it up well, and general advice probably to leave it is good. Infertility causes terrible grief for the couple involved, but I think she might have mentioned if this is a problem. My own daughter's husband had a problem that was unknown about when they married, but to cut a long story short, my daughter told us immediately and we were fully involved from the beginning, as were her parents in law. The lovely young couple needed tremendous emotional support, and financial support, which both sets of parents were luckily able to provide. The result, adorable 2 year old twins. My point is that your daughter would probably need a lot of emotional support if they were struggling to conceive, but of course I realise that some people are very private, so it is possible that they are just enjoying life without children at the moment, or indeed always. Think on balance, it's probably better to say nothing for the moment.

Agree with all above. I didn't have my first child until I was nearly 30 and that was over 30 years ago. That was a decision we made because of DH being on academic 2-year fixed contracts and we wanted to be more secure. Thankfully no one started asking delicate questions about why. Let them talk to you if they want to, if not leave well alone.

Glad you've decided to say nothing bee63. Only make a comment if your DD raises the subject.

I had a first marriage, married at 23 went our separate ways after 7 years. Ex and I had decided to put children off as initially we didn't have the means to start a family, although we did later but had drifted apart by then. My then husband wasn't English and when we visited his family abroad my father in law never shut up about asking us when we were going to start a family, my biological clock was ticking etc., I got so annoyed about it, aged an elderly 26 when for the umpteenth time he asked me at what age would I consider starting a family as I was getting on a bit, I replied "oh I thought 40 might be right for me" not understanding English irony he thought I was being serious and went off tutting All that aside, I also winced at an insenstive person I know who asked a couple who had been trying for years, "were they going to have children, and if so they'd better get on with it" DON'T ASK, best case scenario it may annoy them, or worse it may pile on even more anxiety if they have been trying for a while.

Absolutely definitely no, no no. It is nothing to do with you.

I was married 7 years before having my first child, which was by choice, and got thoroughly fed up with questions, not from my mum but from others who initially assumed we could/would have a baby, but as time went on 'assumed' there were medical problems, and later still was told how selfish i was not to have children, and on and on it went, ad nauseum. we were living in a rented flat and saving hard to get a deposit for a small house so both of us needed to continue working. no help from mum and dad then.

If they wanted to talk to you about it they would have done but as others have said, people wait a lot longer these days. May not be entirely sensible for the woman as the clock ticks, but where most of us left school early, met and married early and had children early, they have stayed at school longer, had gap years, done university degree/s, had another gap year, so everything is much later these days. I was out to work at l5, probably a full l0 years earlier than most young people today (and 20 years later got my degree too, but without the gap years ).

Well said DaphneBroon! And I am so glad that you have decided to say nothing bee63 as this is, IMHO, the appropriate course as whether other people have children or not is no one else's business apart from theirs. My MIL decided that it was, in her view, appropriate, to share her (unasked for) views and opinions about my husband and I having / not having children. Result? Neither my husband nor I have had absolutely anything to do with her for years.

And what i wanted to say is that 30 these days is still very young. The daughter of a friend has just had her first baby at 40, and has taken to it like the proverbial duck. It just means grandparents are often older than before. I will be lucky to see my 2 grandchildren graduate, very lucky to dance at their weddings (if they marry) never mind being a great grandparent, though do know of a few people in their early 60's who are already great grandparents.

Ye gods, I hate to say it but it is none of your business. Perhaps they don't want children, perhaps they are having trouble conceiving. Whatever, even though you are her mum it is none of your business. They are a married couple, whatever they decide to do is between them and nothing at all to do with anyone else.

Zip the lip!

I understand where you are coming from, as it is possible to leave it too late, but it is their choice.

It is also possible to leave it so late that grandma is struggling to keep up with caring for the GC!!

Why on earth do you feel the need to say anything. It's none of your business.

I was very young and had been married about 2 weeks when my mum asked if I was thinking of having a baby. I was taken aback but could see she was worried so I said no not yet a while and she said good enjoy yourselves for a bit. I found out after I had my eldest daughter that mum had a terrible time having my brother and I and she was really worried about me having children in case I had the same problems. I have made it a point never to ask about babies turning up but my DOH bowled straight in a couple of times before being told off by our son after enquiring if there was going to be baby number 3!!

It's definitely a no no topic to mention to them! My DS has a five year old GS and I have been anxious that the second child hasn't come along soon enough! I don't know whether they have decided to take a break and it's a sensitive subject so I'll take those views to keep quiet and watch the situation!

Our DS (our only child) met his future wife at Uni:after some years they married, aged 27 & 26. Years passed without children - during which time DH and I never/ever asked. You can guess how thrilled we were when (after eight years of their marriage) DGD arrived, to be followed by DGS two years later. I'm so glad we never said anything.....