Interested in your viewpoints.

There are 2 elements to what she asked for. I can see that at an Xmas fair you wouldn't necessarily see people dressed as elves etc. You wouldn't need to do much to accommodate this, simply add something to your poster like- Santa's elves will be attending or Elves and Princesses will be helping. the panto horse bit I think she just added to make her complaint longer and this would appear in the cast list and the programme wouldn't it?

I agree with jane10 and roses. I have three GS's with ASD's. My DD is of the opinion that they have to learn to live in the neurotypical world, she encourages them to step out of their comfort zones occasionally, and this week has taken them all camping. That will be difficult for GS1 but the others will enjoy it, as she says he will just have to adapt to the new living conditions! It's only for a week!
There is no need to print warnings etc on advertising for the Christmas Fair or pantomime. My DD wouldn't expect it, nor should anyone else like

tizliz wonderful!
katek I agree with all the others, and have an autistic grandchild, so can comment.
You can sometimes think they will have a problem, and then they don't, with costumes etc or vice versa.Mostly we play it by ear, and if he can't cope we take him away.The more they can be 'normalised' the better.They have to live in the world, and can be over protected ( although I understand the reasons.)

As the grandmother of an autistic child, I can see both points of view. Autism is an invisible disability and parents are used to having to fight really hard to get it recognised and accepted by society. So often they are considered to be naughty children and don't get the sympathy aphysically disabled child would receive.

However,hard as it maybe ,these children have ultimately to survive in society and cannot be protected from everything.As a toddler our grandson had a phobia of going into shops. This did not mean we stopped taking him in but we did it gradually and tried to prepare him each time. Eventually he got used to it and we had no problems.He also receives the same discipline as his twin sister which is sometimes hard as we want to wrap him in cotton wool.However anyone decides to bring up their autistic child they cannot expect society to bend over backwards hard though that may be.

!!! Blimey, that's a new one parents taking responsibility for their children

Does any one else think that this OP isn't really right.

as somebody else said me,me,me society

The parent of a young man with ASD once told me the the world will not change to suit his autism and that he sees it as his job to help his son to understand world. That woman should put her energies into helping her family member learn about eg Pantos and what to expect.

Of.course it.could.be that the mother also has an asd....just a thought.

I agree with what has been said about the panto.

I used to sell at a lot of local events and sometimes we would be asked to join in by dressing up for the Christmas events to help create the right atmosphere. This would be advertised as one of the 'attractions' , so maybe this year you could mention the dressing up that way. That said, most organisers will tell you that every time you think you've got everything right, someone will rain on your parade.

I have to say that I think the mother should check this out for herself.
People with autism can have a whole range of very different fears, phobias and obsessions etc. It is impossible to cater for all of these eventualities.

The problem you have Katy is that your psychic powers let you down.The parents are not at the stage of acceptance of their child's difficulties and how they are perceived in society.

Can't please everyone.

Thanks everyone-you echoed the sentiments of our meeting. We try to ensure that we accommodate the majority of needs, wheelchair access, toilets etc, and the panto group adhere to legislation re pyrotechnics, strobe lighting etc. We
do the best we can.
Elegran/Tizliz.....priceless!!!

Elegran !

Up to the parent to find entertainment suitable for the child, not the responsibility of the community to cater for every individual.

Think sometimes parents/carers have a problem coping with the needs of their relative and become over protective and inconsiderate of others. It's difficult for everyone but maybe she just needs to be reassured that you will think of her child
Just another slant on the situation.

Joke warning

Absolutely disgusting behaviour I saw on the beach earlier. I was on the seafront and saw a man and a woman having an almighty argument in front of loads of kids, suddenly the woman smacked the guy in the head and it all kicked off. There was a massive brawl and someone called the police. This poor copper turned up on his own and took his baton to the man, the guy managed to snatch it off him and began assaulting the copper AND his wife!

Then out of nowhere a crocodile crept up and stole all the sausages

I have often watched a Panto with a Panto horse
I can't for the life of me remember a time when it was part of the advertisment for the said panto.
It would be a bit like Punch with out Judy.

Well said Pogs

I will comment KateK and I hope I don't offend anybody, so easy these days.

I know what my cousin would say , she has an autistic child, "The woman is being ridiculous and would complain if she took the child to a zoo".

Awareness of what your child can cope with is a priority for any parent, especially one suffering from autism, it is beholden of the parent to assess the situation and for heavens sake if she can't make a simple assessment there will be costumes at a pantomime then no amount of trying to appease would suit her.

A pantomime is clear as the nose on your face it contains costumes, laughter and loud noises it does not require advertising as such. It reminds me of the bag of peanuts which states 'Caution may contain nuts'.

Katek, I quite agree with you and PRINTMISS.

The problems that individuals can have because of a disability are so many and various, it is virtually imposible to warn of them all. Providing you are doing all the usual things about access and do the obvious about warning if there are any pyrotechnic effects, a lot of children find sudden bangs and fire effects frightening, (I notice our local professional panto company warn of that in their programme) I think it must be the responsibility of the carers to make checks themselves

Sometimes you cannot plan/legislate for people's feelings and you can only do your eat. I used to be a member /trustee of a charity that paired parents with children with disabilities and families who would share the care of these children. We were paired with an autistic child and she came for tea and the evening once a week and for full days in school holidays . No probs. the committee comprised representatives of both groups.
One mother was never happy with anything anyone did for her, she felt very entitled.
She fought tooth and nail for her child to go to normal school. The child was totally unaware of her surroundings , she would have been the same where ever she went . She would have needed a staff of three to transport her about and cater to her personal needs. One meeting was taken up by her complaint that on a hospital visit to which she had to take a sibling the staff didn't acknowledge or make a fuss of the sibling as they should have done. I accept they have had a very rough deal and have a lot to contend with but life goes on and their child is not the centre of everyone else's world as quite rightly it is of theirs.

That woman will know next time, won't she? People in animal costumes are a common sight everywhere. Disneyland is full of them!

If your autistic youngsters are not affected by the thought of people dressed up as animals, then it can't be a universal problem.

ADvertising - hmm!

"Do come to our event at XXXX next XXXX, raising money for XXXX.

Warning - some of the characters will be wearing clothes made of wool. This may upset those who mistakenly believe that shearing sheep of their surplus wool in July will cause lambs born next April to freeze to death. They may wish to keep away.

Warning - some of the characters will be pretending to chase one another with sticks. Please be assured that THIS IS ONLY A PRETENCE. If you will be upset by this violence, please stay away.

Warning - the scenery used as a background to our tableaux is made from plywood and paint. It is not really the royal place, or the castle dungeon. Please be aware that Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh will not be in residence in the palace, also that the "miscreants" in the dungeon will be released as soon as they have finished repeating their lines. There is no need for a rescue party to storm the stage to effect their release

Warning - in the final scene, the prince and princess appear to go through a wedding ceremony, and leave in a golden coach to live happily ever after. Please note that Mr Smith and Mrs Jones, who play these parts, are NOT committing bigamy, so there is no need to inform the crown prosecution office.

Tickets can be obtained from XXXX, cost XXXX. (for those who are still interested, now that we have revealed the whole of the plot)"
"

From a personal point of view, and several years of taking people with learning and other difficulties out and about, we were always conscious that there MIGHT be something happening which would upset one of our gang - our son is not happy with loud noises - we always TRIED to avoid that. However, there are some things and times, when we have to learn to live with what we are given, and if we ever had a problem, then there was always someone who could take over and take care of whoever had the problem, so that the rest of us could enjoy whatever it was we were taking part in. We walked as fast as the slowest, and we considered each other. It was part of the learning to live together. It never occurred to us to blame the organisers for their work, sometimes we learned the HARD WAY!

(Oops again) it would never have crossed our minds to advertise the fact that we had various woodland creatures at the Fayre with collection buckets. Should the responsibility lie with us or should the parent be making enquiries as to the suitability of events?

Why would you have even begun to think of that?

Me me me society.