Friend envy

I agree with all the comments about looking endlessly at screens , it is SO rude . Love newquays solution , I hope it had the desired effect .

michel55 I so agree with your comments about DD DH OH . Why not Daughter or Son , Husband or grandchild ! Is it an Americanism I wonder ?

The DGD only have limited time on their screens because they are of the age that we can limit them at present. Often we ban them completely, adults too, and then we all have the best of times all together.
It is very rude to keep half an eye on a device when in company but it is an addiction just like any other.

Dear Alea, Greyduster, Nelliemoser and others - how I empathise about the difficulty of finding new friends! I agree with the warnings about Facebook (FB). People may have loads of FB friends but that is just for show. They may make out that they are having the best time ever but I find that those who don't show off about it are the genuine ones.

I imagine (though cannot prove) that there are lots of newly retired women like myself living in my area who are also looking to meet new friends after retiring, but how to meet them?.

I understand that I will have to make the effort and I know that I tend to assume that I'll have nothing in common with other women of my age because I have found this countless times in the past - eg with other mothers collecting from school who all wore the same type of clothes, had husbands in the same professions and went on holiday to the same places. If you didn't fit in with their way of life, you didn't fit in full stop.

I have been busy since retiring with sorting out a lot of long-winded tasks, but rather than wait for those to be completed, I will try out the local Gransnet Meet Up group and other local groups/classes.

Michel55 - I am a devoted Francophile and more than happy to stay in touch and talk in French. Feel free to private message me if you like.

When our family were here at Christmas eldest DGD was on phone at the table so I texted her and asked if she wanted pudding and carried on serving everyone else. After a while she looked up and said have u just texted me Gran! Oh how we all larfed!

Wow thanks to all of you for your responses - it's kind of reassuring I'm not alone feeling like this and for all the different reasons. We really do need to get out there and make an effort to start a new life and there are some great suggestions here. Sadly we can't have another dog as we have 2 cats although I must admit watching a program recently about choosing a new puppy had me thinking how nice it might be but common sense tells me this is not a good idea for us. I will go to the next WI meeting and maybe suggest to those I do know that we should go out for lunch one day. It's too easy to blame work pressures for not being proactive and I maybe need to assert myself more with that and take more time off (today being bank holiday I still feel very guilty that I'm not actually working). I can agree with the demise of conversations between families - the last time we were together my two granddaughters, eldest's boyfriend and my DIL were all on their phones messaging etc. so there was actually only my son having a conversation with us. I remember sitting at my in-laws having deep and meaningful discussions for hours when we visited which I loved to do - they would have thought it very rude if we'd spent all our time looking at screens and talking to friends!

Dear Michel 55 if you think it is difficult making friends in the UK you should try living in Sweden!
I agree with you about the shortening of words to DD,DH, etc, before I found FORUM acronyms I was lost, now I have the list beside me, when I read Gransnet, which I love.

We moved ebout ten miles from our previous house, just three years ago, there arent many houses where we live now, everyone works, nobody at home during the day, we are much older than the rest of the families around they are VERY difficult to get to know, I put it down to our age, families with small childre dont have the time, or inclnation, to get to know us, I am a "people person", having been a District Nurse for many years, but these people dont want to know us. I decided to find friends in other places, joined a nice group of elderly people, I am the youngest at 74! but I do enjoy their company once a week, then I have my old work friends who want to meet often, which we do, so some weeks I dont have any "free"day, now I dont bother if the neighbours havnt got time for us "oldies", they dont know what they are missing!

My longest standing friend is from school-55years-the newest 3 years U3a .Which I can endorse for making new friendhips.
I too have moved around a lot but the friend above stayed in our home town and I always made (and still make)the effort to see her when I go 'home" .We don't phone email or text but recently I spent the afternoon with her the morning my beloved brother died. She was 'there'for me .I hadn't seen her for 18 months .I think because we grew up together we are emotionally very close.There isn't much I wouldnt share with her
I think because I married late I made a real effort to stay in touch with friends from Uni,people I've lived with (acid test that one) and various workplaces .Since I retired I see socially ex -work colleagues ,whom I used to manage .My closest local friend is someone I met at NCT classes when our eldests(now 30) were on the way.There isn't much I wouldn't tell her either .
And I have a group of five local friends I met through the NWR -we broke away ...meet fortnightly and have done for 30 years .But rarely see them outside the group
I suppose the point I'm making us that you have to make a real effort to nuture friendships .And maybe it helps if you are a fairly open person and dont mind revealing quite a lot of yourself to people?Not immediately obviously ....
I think as well you have to distinguish between tried and true friends,usually long standing though not always, with whom you'd share most things (I would say I have about 6 of those) close friends (about another 20) and people you know and like and will chat to at a meeting or whatever quite regularly and might have a coffee with if you bumped into them .Lots of those.
I've never been that bothered about having friends as a couple though .

I do agree synonymous, I saw a card in a national trust property recently which really made me smile. A drawing of all generations together in a room , all on iPads and the card said something like 'spending family time together'. It happened to me recently when daughter who lives abroad made one of her rare visits and spent a lot of time on her iPad 'speaking' to friends. Facebook can give the wrong impression. it seems everyone wants to impress with their friends and social life, yet do not converse with those who they are sitting with. Strange.

Willow There are many helpful posts on here. It is hard and you do need to work at it.
It is even harder if you are not physically able to 'keep up' with others as you do get 'dropped'. Make the most of all your opportunities!
I am deeply suspicious of all those social situations being 'displayed' on Facebook! Recently we went out for a meal and the family on the large table just along from us spent the whole time on their various technologies and only stopped long enough to take photos so they could post them and never once did we see any of them laughing and joking or interacting in any other way. The poor kids were very bored and just picked at their food, fidgeted, whined and clearly couldn't wait to leave as they were the first out of the door. Not every picture tells the true story!

I meant thanks to blinko . Was on a site about estrangement yesterday, a whole new lot of acronyms to work out. I got ac after a while..adult children I think? The rest , well I was back to guessing. However reading some of those posts though my life isn't without problem, made me feel I am lucky not to have live with that situation.

Thanks, will have a look

I have a schoolfriend that posts lots of photos on Facebook showing her meeting up with friends (and family) on a regular basis, and must admit to wondering where I went wrong, especially as she, like me, has moved around a lot. However, when I think about it, I'm not a great one for socialising, although very rarely go out without getting into long conversations with complete strangers.u3a and WI never worked for me. But I've made some great friends through Gransnet that are like my handful of friend from my past that, even though I don't see them very often it seems like we only met up yesterday.

Have you heard of StreetLife? It's an online daily message service that lets people know what is going on in the area. I think it's brilliant, especially for older folk. In my area someone started up 'Simply Making Friends' and they meet up for coffee, meals and drinks. It covers all age groups. They sound like great people as they will sort out transport too if you need it.
It's also good to make friends with younger people. They have lots of interesting things to say, and are happy to hear what you have to say, as in the pearls of wisdom we older generation have. I think we are so lucky in that we have the Internet to help us find friends.

Hi goose 1964 I'm the same and don't know anyone really where I live and can't bring myself to walk into a group of any sort where I just don't know anyone.

I've given up trying to remember the abbreviations. Especially since some new ones seem to have crept in lately.
I just write the words.
It takes effort to make and keep friends. We live out in the country and everyone is at a distance. I have one friend in the village and we go shopping and walking together, but less than before, as we can't walk so far (old age )

Michel55, Vic08 and silverlining48 re initials and abbreviations, just look under Acronyms at the top of the page. Most are there, though admittedly some do creep in that seem to be made up on the hoof...

Yes I too struggle with all the initials used. Had to Guess and hope I got it right.

It certainly can be difficult making new friends in later life. I am active and walk with a very friendly group, But we don't meet apart from the weekly walk. Many people are very involved with family which usually take precedence over friends however close. We have a daughter and two small grandchildren who we look after one dat a week, and a daughter living abroad, but no wider family support.
We have remained in the same aRea for many years while most of my friends have moved away . We keep in touch but we can't just meet for a coffee and a quick chat, or see a film , it's always planned with overnight stays due to distance. There are times when I feel a bit at a loose end so plan to start some voluntary work next week. It may not provide me with new friends but it will be good to feel useful. I also intend looking at u3a. My closest friend of nearly 40 years has recently moved to a small village 3 hours drive from us and for the first time in her life is thoroughly integrated into active village life. She has never been happier. If it wasn't so far from my grandchildren would consider upping sticks and going there too.

I quite agree with michel55. I also find it confusing when these abbreviations are used.
It takes me a while to fathom out what they mean, and sometimes I don't get it at all.

On the subject of friends.
Obviously it's a two way thing. I always seem to be the one to have to contact friends, usually because they lead busy lives, and I don't, particularly.

I only have a small circle of friends, but I do value them highly.

Hi. Willow. As has been said this is a common problem. I moved north after I lost my best friend my husband, to live near daughter and fam.
I found the U3A and craft groups were a help. You may not make good friends but you will find people in the same circumstances as yourself and have a bit of fun and laughter. I found Sumdays were bad so I now volunteer for the National Trust on that day where I meet lots of people.
You are lucky to still have the support of your husband.

I totally agree with DanniRae about dog walking,you will soon get talking to lots of different people.If you don't have or want a dog,how about volunteering as a dog walker at a local rescue centre?
Libraries usually have lots of groups too-near me there are coffee mornings,local history groups,craft groups and genealogy groups for instance.They are friendly and welcoming,just local people with a common interest.

I think there is a possibility of wanting only new friends fitting a " Friend type " . It is difficult to make friends in the UK , I know ,I am french , and even after all these years in England , I have not found an answer , there is a lack of spontaneity and willingness to open up .
but good luck
One point , I would like to make about all the comments on Gransnet is why the need of using like DD,WI,OH and so on ...?? it make so difficult to read and for me looks strange why just not type what you want to says like dear husband instead of DH but I am sure you would use only husband
Relax and have fun

Faringdon59, I have used online company Archers Direct. For some of their holidays you can avoid the single supplement if you are willing to share with a stranger (of the same sex!). If there is no one to share with, you get the room to yourself. I tried this for a touring holiday to Florida, and shared with a very lively lady who used to be a teacher in the Bronx. We had a great time!